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Clips from The Mindy Project - Halloween (S01E01)

"That's not a ghost. It's a..."
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"It's a sonogram."
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"Oh, you didn't say Tom's having a baby."
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"He didn't tell me."
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"First I break your chair, and I don't tell you,"
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"Why wouldn't he tell you?"
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"'Cause I was scared, Shauna."
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"He didn't tell me because he feels sorry for me"
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"because I am a pathetic spinster with no prospects."
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"I mean me. I mean me."
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"Hey, it's me."
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"Well, well, well."
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"What are you doing?"
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"Puffing on my electronic quitter cig,"
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"on you right now and talk to Carmelo Anthony?"
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"Because you can talk to him tonight at the party with me?"
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"You gonna bring it?"
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"- Ohh. Okay. - See you there."
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"Guys, I need a costume that blows people's minds."
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"That DMV clerk is dressed up"
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"as a vampire for Halloween."
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"Yeah, I bet on Halloween, actual monsters"
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"dress up as DMV workers."
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"Eh, Danny? My joke, Danny."
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"Would you shut up? I'm trying to study."
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"It's still a test. You can't flirt"
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"Why are you so much angrier than usual?"
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"It's just a driver's license."
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"Yeah, no, it's not a license to drive."
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"A man goes where he wants when he wants."
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"and, for the first time in my life, I'm free."
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"Wow."
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"So why do you want to get your license?"
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"(Shauna) Hey, bad news."
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"They're the first to go."
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"Good news, they still had"
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"How is that good news?"
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"Are you kidding? It'll barely cover your torso."
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"Which is hot."
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"Okay, as a nurse, this costume offends me."
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"It's not skimpy outfits that make nurses sexy."
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"It's the helping people that make us sexy."
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"Dr. Lahiri, I bought the perfect costume for you."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"Linus."
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"that you know him from?"
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"You've never seen it?"
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"It's the best. It's Halloween,"
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"to all the good boys and girls."
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"Why are you describing this cartoon to me?"
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"I'm sorry. I'm just in crisis right now."
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"is to take these scissors and cut a cleavage hole"
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"Happy Halloween."
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"Look, Danny. Same score."
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"How is that possible?"
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"Did you even read the book?"
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"Those practice questions are taken from real past exams."
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"Oh, Danny, should we head to the road test?"
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"(Guard) Attaboy, Danny."
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"You finally passed the written."
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"- I knew you could. - Who's that?"
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"I don't know."
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"Wait, how many times have you taken that test?"
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"We're all pulling for you, Danny!"
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"Thanks, Trish."
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"But can he go first?"
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"Dr. Jeremy Reed. And you are?"
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"Barbara. I knew a Barbara once."
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"It must be a cursed name,"
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"because I feel it may happen again."
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"Come on."
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"[Snorts]"
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"[Cell phone chimes]"
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"(Jeremy) You know, you know, come on."
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"Way to dodge the question, Danny."
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"Okay, Dr. L, as a hot guy with a fancy job,"
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"I think I have some insight here."
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"Number one sexiest female organ-- the brain."
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"The badonkadonk and the bethinkathink."
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"Don't look at me like you're teaching me something."
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"Funny costume trumps sexy costume."
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"Morgan, I think you're right actually."
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"I will go to the store"
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"Come on, it's funny,"
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"it's edgy, it's topical."
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"No? You sure?"
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"I anticipated this,"
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"so I got some other options."
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"- Betsy. - A condom."
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"Ace Ventura,"
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"sperm?"
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"All right, a woman should not have"
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"to choose between being hot and funny for Halloween."
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"So thank you for your help."
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"I'm okay, I'm just gonna create a costume"
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"Tinker Bell Tailor soldier spy."
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"Dirty Harry Potter."
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"You know what? I give up."
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"Okay? I give up."
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""sorry. Patient in labor."
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"Can't come to the party. Please take a Caitlin.""
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"A man goes where he wants when he wants."
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"A man goes where he wants when he wants."
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"You really are."
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"- Never wink at me again. - Okay."
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"How's it going today?"
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"Feeling good?"
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"All right, let's do this."
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"Permission to wipe my brow?"
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"I'm not a sea captain."
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"What are you writing?"
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"Eyes on the road."
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"A lot."
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"It's just it's hard to keep your cool"
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"when you're driving next to such a beautiful woman..."
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"like yourself."
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"You just blew through a stop sign."
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"What did you-- what did you write there?"
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"Hands off the-- oh, brake, brake, brake, brake!"
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"[Cackles] [Groans]"
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