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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Adrian Pimento (S03E03)

"Worse."
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"for the police department; you're a hero."
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"I'm sorry that I didn't trust you."
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"Look, can I tell you something I've never told anyone before?"
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"My time undercover in the Mafia was actually kind of lame."
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"but I'm good at computers, so I mostly just helped them"
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"And I want to tell you that it's all gonna go back to normal,"
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"and we've got a suspect."
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"Why don't you give me those eggs?"
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"Okay? This is my life!"
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"Did it feature pizzazz?"
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"do you know which dogs get the most likes on the internet?"
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"We were trying our hardest, but this is a disgrace."
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"And that's real audio of your very-real diva meltdown."
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"What do you want?"
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"Well."
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"It was me. I did it."
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"So what's the catch?"
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"The ceremony starts in two hours."
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"We cleaned up the stew,"
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"but no big messes."
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"Great! Time for the christening."
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"Perp is on the third floor. Everyone know your assignment?"
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"Mind if I tag along?"
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"Hey. Kitchen, now."
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"Something's not right about that guy."
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"in the middle of a police precinct? Uh, grow up."
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"the Vulture, the ShamWow guy,"
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"I had a major crush on the evil Gremlin."
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"Yeah, well I'm not gonna bone Gizmo."
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"- I would. - Careful with Pimento."
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"Hey, partner."
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"It's just when I was undercover, the middle of the night"
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"was the only time I could do actual police work."
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"Uh, how'd you get in the apartment?"
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"I just seduced the old lady upstairs,"
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"Totally."
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"Course, next time you could just give me a call, you know."
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"Two ways to pop in on a friend."
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"I didn't kill the old lady upstairs,"
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"if that's what you're worried about."
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"Oh, wait a minute."
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"You think I'm being weird."
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"Oh, I shouldn't have come here. This is your apartment."
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"I'm so sorry, Jake! Stupid, Paul!"
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"Stupid! You idiot, Paul!"
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"- Hey! Pimento! - Huh?!"
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"- Who's Paul? - Whoa."
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"Paul Sneed was my undercover name."
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"'Kay? Damn it, Jake."
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"You could have chose any name to go undercover,"
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"and you picked Paul Sneed?"
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"This was a mistake. I'm not ready."
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"I knew I wasn't ready to go back to being police."
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"It's the only job I've ever had except for bagging groceries"
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"at the supermarket at the corner of Atlantic and Clinton."
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"I guess I could go back to that again."
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"Listen to me, I was undercover."
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"63 days with the Mafia. I saw some messed-up stuff."
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"I know what your struggle is."
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"Great. Now, I've got to get some sleep."
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"You're welcome to stay here and work the case if you want."
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"I promise I won't disturb you at all."
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"- Hey, Pimento. - Huh?"
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"I thought you were just gonna be looking through the files"
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"- or something, man. - Sorry, brother."
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"Right."
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"And..."
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"Do you have to do it in your underwear?"
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"I can't take them off,"
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"'cause then you'd be looking right at my penis and testicles."
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"Why is there so much garbage in here?"
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"And also, she suspended our trash service."
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"Seriously, Amy, you're gonna ask Charles Boyle"
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"if he groveled enough? Come on!"
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"This is the grossest thing I've ever seen,"
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"Look, I have a plan, okay?"
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"We're just gonna go over Mean Marge's head"
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"Tell me what?"
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"It's very "New York in the 70s." Clean it up."
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"The, uh, problem..."
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"is Marge in facilities is refusing to help."
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"We were actually hoping maybe you could ask her."
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"Excuse me?"
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"and that is a job I take seriously."
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"Terrified."
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"and you can kick his teeth in to send a message."
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"Oh, sure, you could slit his throat, but then"
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"what are you going to do with all the blood?"
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"Uh, we'd leave it in his body, where blood lives,"
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"because we're cops."
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"About $15,000 worth of stuff."
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"TVs, cameras, bunch of pre-paid cell phones."
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"What kind of deals you got on those?"
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"Why do you want to know about the deals?"
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"Just gathering evidence for the case,"
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"'cause I'm a cop, remember?"
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"- Detective Paul Sneed. - Adrian Pimento."
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"Adrian Piment... I... I know who I am... you know what... forget this!"
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"When I came back from being undercover,"
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"Hey, give me one of those."
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"And... action Holt."
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"Welcome to the Nine-Nine. I'm Captain Raymond Holt."
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"And I'm Detective Rosa Diaz."
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"Cut!"
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"For the last time, Rosa, through the magic of special effects,"
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"the wheelchair will turn into a horse,"
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"Give me a little "hee-yah!" Hee-yah!"
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"Maybe because you didn't karate chop your way"
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"I'm out. Scully."
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"I wanted a simple, straightforward"
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"video tour of the precinct,"
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"and you've added the one ingredient I didn't want:"
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"pizzazz."
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"Would you tell the sky to stop being so blue?"
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"- Yes. I wish it were tan. - What?"
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"Hey, I've been tailing Pimento,"
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"There's something weird going on with that guy."
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"I knew it. Ugh!"
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"I can't believe I'm gonna sleep with him."
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