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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Benefactor Factor (S04E04)

"...on how do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror?"
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"Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed."
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"...who dressed as a commoner and mingled..."
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"...on the subject of his administration he could have saved himself the trouble."
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"- Sounds good. - I'm in. Ha, ha."
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"...doesn't mean you should jump into his windowless van."
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"- What's the occasion? - Just a fundraiser for the university."
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"And I sympathize."
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"...which is something you don't want to attend..."
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"All right, let me put it this way."
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"Oh. You don't want that."
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"- What about Sheldon? - Sheldon is not going."
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"Sheldon, it's Saturday night. You'll be doing laundry."
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"Nice place."
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"He's tearing the mask off nature to look at the face of God."
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"What happened to you, Wolowitz?"
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"Couldn't stick with it long enough to get your Ph. D?"
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"Got it. You're a space plumber."
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"Do him first."
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"They're cute when they're about to wet themselves, aren't they?"
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"I'll make it easy."
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"Coffee maker?"
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"...and I'm not above minimizing your window."
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"...equipped with high-speed Internet and a cloaking device..."
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"I'm not finished. All scientists have to fundraise, Sheldon."
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"Without you to make the case for the Physics Department..."
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"Oh, the humanities."
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"It was so much easier at my bar mitzvah."
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"Look at the size of these shrimp."
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"Oh, you didn't do that badly."
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"But don't worry, I really enjoyed meeting you this evening."
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"You're kidding? That was good for you?"
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"But now you say you never want me to go anywhere near your fundraisers."
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"Uh, why don't you see if you can organize your thoughts and we'll try again later."
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"Good morning, Mrs. Latham."
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"Yes, of course I remember you."
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"So how much money are you going to give me?"
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"If you're not going to give me money, then why are you calling?"
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"Who's crazy now?"
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"Uh, she wants to have dinner and talk about my research."
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"My stature intimidates her..."
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"Crafty old gal."
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"Excuse me..."
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"I've been published in journals..."
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"No, that can't be it."
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"- Huh. - Lf only he'd had money."
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"Terrific. Great."
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"Okay, now you don't remind me of my mom."
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"I'm sorry, so eventually zombies..."
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"...are going to attack the rehab facility where Sandra Bullock is?"
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"It's a shame, all that work she's doing to get sober..."
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"- Hey, how was dinner? - Swell. I need a drink."
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"Do we have any alcohol?"
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"Leonard, are you okay?"
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"Then she stuck her tongue down my throat."
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"We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you."
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"She hit on me."
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"- I think so. - You lucky duck."
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"You're an expert on trading sexual favors for gain."
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"It was a compliment."
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"Fine, I'll tell him. Ahem."
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"I went on the Internet and found a photograph..."
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"Check out those saddle shoes."
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"...you might consider just this once..."
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"...using your genitalia to actually accomplish something."
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"- Really? - Of course."
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"It was foolish of me to think someone your age might ever be interested in me."
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"Well, aren't you sweet."
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"Just for the record..."
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"- I hadn't really given it much thought. - Well, think about it."
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"Oh, what the hell."
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"All you're missing is smeared mascara..."
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"- Oh, yeah. - I'm so proud of you!"
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"No, I got the money first."
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"I'm..."
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"I didn't do it for the money."
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"Keep telling yourself that. It makes it easier."
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"Cool, buddy. That's awesome."
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"Here's what I wonder about zombies."
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"What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat?"
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"They can't starve to death, they're already dead."
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"You take this one. I spent an hour last night..."
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"- Yeah, okay, so, zombies? - I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj."
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"Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies?"
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"Like in 28 Days, if those zombies didn't eat, they starved."
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"That's 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab..."
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"...and puts the audience into an undead state."
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"Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock."
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"You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter."
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"Dr. Siebert, 12 o'clock."
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"Perhaps he's emulating Shakespeare's Henry V..."
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"...to find out how he was perceived by his subjects."
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"If he'd have read any of the 1300 e-mails I've sent him..."
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"Or maybe he heard it's Tater Tot Tuesday."
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"That's why I'm here."
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"Hey, there's my favorite geniuses."
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"- How are we doing today? - That depends."
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"How much longer do you plan on fondling my shoulder?"
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"Sorry, Dr. Cooper. I forgot you have a touch phobia."
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"It's not a touch phobia, it's a germ phobia."
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"Yeah. So listen, fellas, who's up for a little party this Saturday night?"
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"Hold on. Just because the nice man is offering you candy..."
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"Aha. The tear-stained air mattress in the back of the van."
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"I understand your reticence, Dr. Cooper."
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"But the facts are, we have to shake a few hands..."
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"...and kiss butts to raise money for our research."
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"I don't care, it's demeaning and I refuse to be trotted out..."
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"...and shown off like a prize hog at the Texas State Fair..."
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"...wearing a Star Trek ensign's uniform."
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"You're gonna put on a suit, you're gonna come to this party..."
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"...and you're gonna explain your research to old people..."
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"...or I swear to God, I'll blind you with a hot spoon..."
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"...like they did to that little boy in Slumdog Millionaire."
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"So Saturday night. It's gonna be off the hook."
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"- Unh. - Get over it."
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"Oh, boy, Tater Tots and a party invitation?"
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"What a great day."
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"There you go."
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"Are you sure this is right?"
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"Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants, you'll be fine."
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