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Clips from Veep - Fundraiser (S01E01)

"Yeah, well, I'm fluent in bastard."
Veep
"Amy, I used Dan to get what I wanted."
Veep
"He used you to get what he wanted."
Veep
"Uh-uh. No. I definitely used him. I'm the user, and he's the usee."
Veep
"Okay, Amy, here we go."
Veep
"Shrimp Iinguini and a porno."
Veep
"Oh, hey, I'm just kidding."
Veep
"It's chicken Iinguini. I'll be over here."
Veep
"I know. That's why I hired him. Why aren't you listening to me?"
Veep
"In six months when all this bullshit dies down,"
Veep
"we're gonna put an oil guy on the Clean Jobs Commission."
Veep
"Please, please, Amy, grow up."
Veep
"This is how they solved the Cuban Missile Crisis."
Veep
"This is my Cuba."
Veep
"He's such a shit."
Veep
"I know, that's what I'm trying to tell you."
Veep
"You sold him to me as a shit and that's why I hired him."
Veep
"He's shitty me, okay? I need a shit."
Veep
"-Knock, knock. Hello. -Hello."
Veep
"Bob Jeffries of the Plastics and Cellulose Association."
Veep
"Oh, my goodness."
Veep
"-Madam Vice President. -How do you do?"
Veep
"-Please, come into my office. -Thank you so much."
Veep
"Do you know that I have my own flag?"
Veep
"I hope that's one of our cellulose flags."
Veep
"SELINA: (LAUGHS) You're too much."
Veep
"JONAH: Your chariot awaits. So, yeah, grab your coat."
Veep
"Okay, little Jack Horner, there you are. You got a brand-new desk in the corner."
Veep
"Follow me, I've got a beautiful spot"
Veep
"for your adoring photo of girlfriend Carol Hallowes."
Veep
"I just broke up with her about 15 minutes ago via text."
Veep
"-Cold and rather nerdy. -Actually, it was an app."
Veep
"All right, move out. Slick's moving in."
Veep
"SELINA: Gary, can we get two coffees in here?"
Veep
"No sweeteners."
Veep
"-No sweeteners? -Sugar."
Veep
"-No sweeteners? -No sweetener. Sugar."
Veep
"Touch me, you lose a finger. And a ball."
Veep
"Funny story. I was at the White House this morning"
Veep
"and the President saw I was eating trail mix."
Veep
"So I said, "Do you like trail mix?""
Veep
"put the little pod in the fucking hole, shut the fucking lid,"
Veep
"SELINA: He was the first senator to welcome me to the Capitol, you know?"
Veep
"You know my motto, "I don't want to know.""
Veep
"Obviously they won't ask you guys because you have no..."
Veep
"that does actually take place this evening."
Veep
"What is the utensil situation? Is it cornstarch or plastic here?"
Veep
"Sure, talk about the boat."
Veep
"(ALL LAUGHING)"
Veep
"And then I'm gonna take this to the Hill, okay?"
Veep
"Is the man you're looking at gonna be in a position a year from now"
Veep
"Yeah, he just left."
Veep
"-There it is. -Thank you."
Veep
"You're pouring oil on Clean Jobs?"
Veep
"that was a burn because I wasn't asking you out."
Veep
"(CHUCKLES)"
Veep
"Wow. Gary. Good for you."
Veep
"-You're kidding. Janet? -No."
Veep
"Don't worry about it, okay? We're not gonna have sex, all right?"
Veep
"Good for... Oh. Excuse me."
Veep