You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Scrubs - My Manhood (S07E07)

when we're this backed up?

"when we're this backed up?"

Scrubs

You know what would work? Duck pond.

"You know what would work? Duck pond."

Scrubs

Right here.

"Right here."

Scrubs

I can't believe I've never said this to you:

"I can't believe I've never said this to you:"

Scrubs

Nobody cares what you think.

"Nobody cares what you think."

Scrubs

It's come to my attention that nobody around here cares what we think.

"It's come to my attention that nobody around here cares what we think."

Scrubs

Like, I thought it'd be cute if, down in the morgue,

"Like, I thought it'd be cute if, down in the morgue,"

Scrubs

we got Hello Kitty toe tags.

"we got Hello Kitty toe tags."

Scrubs

Exactly. Sort of.

"Exactly. Sort of."

Scrubs

Okay? It's a little newsletter called...

"Okay? It's a little newsletter called..."

Scrubs

Seriously, brace yourselves. The Janitorial.

"Seriously, brace yourselves. The Janitorial."

Scrubs

Now, what I'm thinking we can do...

"Now, what I'm thinking we can do..."

Scrubs

Un-brace yourselves. Un-brace. There we go.

"Un-brace yourselves. Un-brace. There we go."

Scrubs

Todd has a question.

"Todd has a question."

Scrubs

Yes. Could I be the photographer so I have a valid excuse for wearing this?

"Yes. Could I be the photographer so I have a valid excuse for wearing this?"

Scrubs

Don't ruin it.

"Don't ruin it."

Scrubs

What I need is an investigative reporter, yeah?

"What I need is an investigative reporter, yeah?"

Scrubs

Somebody who is bland enough and insignificant enough

"Somebody who is bland enough and insignificant enough"

Scrubs

that he'd be listening in on a private conversation,

"that he'd be listening in on a private conversation,"

Scrubs

I'll do it.

"I'll do it."

Scrubs

You been sitting there this whole time?

"You been sitting there this whole time?"

Scrubs

No. First I was in your chair and you sat on my lap, remember?

"No. First I was in your chair and you sat on my lap, remember?"

Scrubs

And you said, "Get up and sit over there," and I did.

"And you said, "Get up and sit over there," and I did."

Scrubs

Right?

"Right?"

Scrubs

Hello?

"Hello?"

Scrubs

Calm down, Enid.

"Calm down, Enid."

Scrubs

It's not my fault that I'm being forced out of my job.

"It's not my fault that I'm being forced out of my job."

Scrubs

because Dr Reid just had to throw a birthday party for me.

"because Dr Reid just had to throw a birthday party for me."

Scrubs

Now, Enid, I've got to go back to work.

"Now, Enid, I've got to go back to work."

Scrubs

Don't be too pleased with that 9.2. That's out of 100.

"Don't be too pleased with that 9.2. That's out of 100."

Scrubs

Dr Cox, can Sam watch West Side Story?

"Dr Cox, can Sam watch West Side Story?"

Scrubs

Fine, but absolutely no singing or dancing along.

"Fine, but absolutely no singing or dancing along."

Scrubs

And I will throw my coffee at you if I catch you even once doing this...

"And I will throw my coffee at you if I catch you even once doing this..."

Scrubs

You put that remote down or be prepared to wrestle.

"You put that remote down or be prepared to wrestle."

Scrubs

Who ordered a can of whoop-ass? I think you did.

"Who ordered a can of whoop-ass? I think you did."

Scrubs

Can you see the TV from there, buddy?

"Can you see the TV from there, buddy?"

Scrubs

Unfortunately, you're going to have to get used to events like this.

"Unfortunately, you're going to have to get used to events like this."

Scrubs

Don't listen to him, Sam. Turk, stop bouncing.

"Don't listen to him, Sam. Turk, stop bouncing."

Scrubs

How do you get it to spin so well?

"How do you get it to spin so well?"

Scrubs

Check it out. We made the front page.

"Check it out. We made the front page."

Scrubs

Now there's no doubt who the best buds in the whole hospital are.

"Now there's no doubt who the best buds in the whole hospital are."

Scrubs

Tracy and Stacy can suck it.

"Tracy and Stacy can suck it."

Scrubs

Dude.

"Dude."

Scrubs

Oh, sorry, Tracy and Stacy.

"Oh, sorry, Tracy and Stacy."

Scrubs

I see you guys are wearing each other's oxygen tubes. That's cute.

"I see you guys are wearing each other's oxygen tubes. That's cute."

Scrubs

Check it out. I'm gonna take this to Kinko's

"Check it out. I'm gonna take this to Kinko's"

Scrubs

and get it blown up poster-size.

"and get it blown up poster-size."

Scrubs

Wait a minute. Let me see if I've got this right.

"Wait a minute. Let me see if I've got this right."

Scrubs

The front-page story about your humiliating ass-kicking

"The front-page story about your humiliating ass-kicking"

Scrubs

You're the only one your son has to model himself after

"You're the only one your son has to model himself after"

Scrubs

when he's trying to figure out how to be a man,

"when he's trying to figure out how to be a man,"

Scrubs

and seeing the occasional poster of Paul Mitchell

"and seeing the occasional poster of Paul Mitchell"

Scrubs

whenever you take him by the beauty salon isn't going to cut it.

"whenever you take him by the beauty salon isn't going to cut it."

Scrubs

Well, it's unfortunate that all children can't have the amazing role model

"Well, it's unfortunate that all children can't have the amazing role model"

Scrubs

that you are, Mr Borderline Alcoholic.

"that you are, Mr Borderline Alcoholic."

Scrubs

It's great having silver bullets like that on everyone in the hospital.

"It's great having silver bullets like that on everyone in the hospital."

Scrubs

- You sure told him. - Thanks, Herpes.

"- You sure told him. - Thanks, Herpes."

Scrubs

I'm so sorry that they're forcing you out. I feel horrible.

"I'm so sorry that they're forcing you out. I feel horrible."

Scrubs

Sweetheart, you should. It's your fault.

"Sweetheart, you should. It's your fault."

Scrubs

but I totally convinced him that he was into women.

"but I totally convinced him that he was into women."

Scrubs

Until senior year when he hung himself.

"Until senior year when he hung himself."

Scrubs

Why is it that so many of your stories end with,

"Why is it that so many of your stories end with,"

Scrubs

"And then he hung himself"?

""And then he hung himself"?"

Scrubs

Bad luck, I guess.

"Bad luck, I guess."

Scrubs

Don't help me. And keep this to yourself.

"Don't help me. And keep this to yourself."

Scrubs

This is your new patient, John. What's your secret?

"This is your new patient, John. What's your secret?"

Scrubs

I can't tell.

"I can't tell."

Scrubs

They never once told anybody about the time

"They never once told anybody about the time"

Scrubs

It was only for a second.

"It was only for a second."

Scrubs

- Still gay, though. - Told you.

"- Still gay, though. - Told you."

Scrubs

But we just put one out this morning.

"But we just put one out this morning."

Scrubs

Doug, The Janitorial is a tri-daily.

"Doug, The Janitorial is a tri-daily."

Scrubs

But let's hold out on the meeting until Ted gets here.

"But let's hold out on the meeting until Ted gets here."

Scrubs

I'm right here. I bought you that scone.

"I'm right here. I bought you that scone."

Scrubs

Actually, I wasn't kidding.

"Actually, I wasn't kidding."

Scrubs

Todd, how's the weather section shaping up?

"Todd, how's the weather section shaping up?"

Scrubs

I think all the ladies in the greater metro area should expect to see

"I think all the ladies in the greater metro area should expect to see"

Scrubs

What's up? Entire-Coffee-Bucks-Five.

"What's up? Entire-Coffee-Bucks-Five."

Scrubs

- Hit it! - Nice newsletter there, fellows.

"- Hit it! - Nice newsletter there, fellows."

Scrubs

It's the first thing that I've ever read

"It's the first thing that I've ever read"

Scrubs

where I could actually feel myself getting stupider as I read it.

"where I could actually feel myself getting stupider as I read it."

Scrubs

Well, it's your stupid paper, right? So, yeah.

"Well, it's your stupid paper, right? So, yeah."

Scrubs

- High five. - You're stupid.

"- High five. - You're stupid."

Scrubs

Hey!

"Hey!"

Scrubs

Hey, dude. Why don't you let him go?

"Hey, dude. Why don't you let him go?"

Scrubs

I don't have a problem with you, man.

"I don't have a problem with you, man."

Scrubs

That was a close one, wasn't it?

"That was a close one, wasn't it?"

Scrubs

Cold hands. Should've told you.

"Cold hands. Should've told you."

Scrubs

Yeah. They're idiots, but they're all right.

"Yeah. They're idiots, but they're all right."

Scrubs

John, it looks like you have some skin puckering.

"John, it looks like you have some skin puckering."

Scrubs

I'm just gonna order some tests and see what's going on, okay?

"I'm just gonna order some tests and see what's going on, okay?"

Scrubs

I'll be right here.

"I'll be right here."

Scrubs

- He's a nice guy, isn't he? - He's incredible. What's your secret?

"- He's a nice guy, isn't he? - He's incredible. What's your secret?"

Scrubs

And it doesn't count because he was half-dolphin.

"And it doesn't count because he was half-dolphin."

Scrubs

Hey, Mop For Brains,

"Hey, Mop For Brains,"

Scrubs

Anyway, did you happen to notice

"Anyway, did you happen to notice"

Scrubs

"Dr Cox admitted that his callous outer shell

""Dr Cox admitted that his callous outer shell"

Scrubs

"is just protecting a fragile inner core of sadness.

""is just protecting a fragile inner core of sadness."

Scrubs

- I don't see that that's relevant. - Why am I even bothering with this?

"- I don't see that that's relevant. - Why am I even bothering with this?"

Scrubs

Nobody ever believes what you put on these things anyway.

"Nobody ever believes what you put on these things anyway."

Scrubs

Really? People believe everything they see online.

"Really? People believe everything they see online."

Scrubs

Apples linked to hair loss. And post.

"Apples linked to hair loss. And post."

Scrubs

- I'm kidding, Ted. - I don't want to eat it again.

"- I'm kidding, Ted. - I don't want to eat it again."

Scrubs

I won't tell anybody about the time you ate a cricket.

"I won't tell anybody about the time you ate a cricket."

Scrubs

You tricked me into doing that.

"You tricked me into doing that."

Scrubs

You know, you didn't have to save me from Mrs Cropper's husband.

"You know, you didn't have to save me from Mrs Cropper's husband."

Scrubs

- I could've handled him. - How?

"- I could've handled him. - How?"

Scrubs

By ramming your face into his fists over and over again?

"By ramming your face into his fists over and over again?"

Scrubs

You make jokes, but I did that to Paul Edwards in college,

"You make jokes, but I did that to Paul Edwards in college,"

Scrubs

$He broke two knuckles, but I only fractured one skull. Scoreboard, Turk.$

"He broke two knuckles, but I only fractured one skull. Scoreboard, Turk."

Scrubs

Scoreboard!

"Scoreboard!"

Scrubs

but I am still missing some large chunks from that year.

"but I am still missing some large chunks from that year."

Scrubs

But, dude, that's my job. Remember?

"But, dude, that's my job. Remember?"

Scrubs

When Sam gets older, I teach him about sports and stuff,

"When Sam gets older, I teach him about sports and stuff,"

Scrubs

and you're in charge of lzzy's emotional crap.

"and you're in charge of lzzy's emotional crap."

Scrubs

Dude, we're a little married.

"Dude, we're a little married."

Scrubs

you're just teaching Sam to lie about who he really is.

"you're just teaching Sam to lie about who he really is."

Scrubs

Whether it's by a misinformed co-worker...

"Whether it's by a misinformed co-worker..."

Scrubs

... or some very unexpected news.

"... or some very unexpected news."

Scrubs

John, your test results came back. You have breast cancer.

"John, your test results came back. You have breast cancer."

Scrubs

Show more clips