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Clips from Scrubs - My Manhood (S07E07)

"I knew I had two choices, apologise to Turk and admit it was an accident,"
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"or this..."
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"After putting a beat down on Turk,"
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"Quick question."
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"Anyone can get it, John."
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"And unfortunately, your sentinel node biopsy came back positive."
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"We should start chemotherapy right away."
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"Can I have a minute, please?"
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"Why wouldn't John want any help?"
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"You know, this reminds me of the time my cousin Greg got stuck at the airport."
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"I offered to pick him up, but he said he'd just crash at some cheap motel."
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"- Anyway, the next day... - Let me guess. He hung himself."
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"No, Dr Kelso, my cousin didn't hang himself, okay?"
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"That's a nice story."
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"Okay, everyone, can I have your attention?"
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"That interview is a fake."
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"Not now, not never."
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"Because his friend Ted wants him to know it's safe to come out."
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"- You read the interview, too? - What interview?"
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"Oh, thank God. Turk will never beat me up in front of Carla."
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"- What is John's problem? - Yeah, Carla, what is his problem?"
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"Remember last month when Turk pretended to visit his brother,"
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"but he was actually having his testicle removed?"
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"He was so embarrassed, he only let me tell you about it."
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"And he was only comfortable telling J.D."
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"One testicle."
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"Well, where is it? Did you at least keep it?"
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"Oh, my God. This is totally awesome."
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"Can you go pick up Carla's dry cleaning so I can play basketball?"
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"- What the hell am I gonna do with that? - Stop, Turk. You're making him cry."
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"It's okay, Plant Turk. Friends."
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"We have to find your ball, Turk. We have to find it and destroy it."
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"You don't realise that Carla and Elliot left, do you?"
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"Look at him, he's dying in there."
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"I mean, emotionally, not dying dying."
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"Good, he's not dying. But he is."
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"Wow, Turk's pretty quick without that testicle weighing him down."
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"- Why're you torturing me? - Because you called me stupid."
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"backstabber, zebra poacher, Josh."
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"But I am not, nor will I ever be, stupid."
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"Now how about an interview with the real Dr Cox?"
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"- You don't have to be here. - Beg your pardon?"
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"It's too bad we can't just call John's brothers"
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"and tell them that he needs them."
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"I know. Stupid doctor-patient confidentiality."
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"Like last month, one of my patients asks out Nurse Rollins,"
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"and I couldn't even warn her that I'm treating the guy"
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"for a horrible case of mono."
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"I don't know, she wouldn't say."
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"and saving it for my next relationship."
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"Don't bother. There's no reception in here."
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"Dr Kelso wants my help."
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"I swear, Elliot, if you don't tell me this secret,"
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"I'm gonna go in that stall and change your butt rating."
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"So which one did you lose? Lamont or Grady?"
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"Now on hot days, he'll be sticking to God's leg."
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"- How'd it happen? - My kid kicked me in the groin"
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"That sucks."
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"But losing a testicle is not gonna make you less of a man."
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"Although, you do realise you'll probably be having daughters"
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"for the rest of your life, if you lost the one that makes boy babies."
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"Turk, have you not been listening? Sam. Role model. I have to win."
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"So what do you want to do?"
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"And then we had it."
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"- Rocky III freeze-frame ending! - Rocky III freeze-frame ending!"
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"It can make us need constant affirmation"
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"Are you in on this, too, Perry?"
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"Nope. First time hearing it and I couldn't care less."
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"I've figured out a way to get our voices heard."
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"Brace yourselves."
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"I'm gonna be writing all the editorials, okay?"
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"get the secrets,"
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"but no one would even notice he was there."
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"Oh, hey, Ted."
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"- All right, they win. - Yeah."
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"doesn't bother you at all?"
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"My best friend in college thought he was gay,"
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"You know, my brothers are great at keeping secrets."
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"But no time to rest."
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"on how Coffee Bucks beans are picked by dirty river monkeys."
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"Are you calling me stupid?"
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"This is very close."
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"What did you have for lunch, scallops?"
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"Put on a wig and a skirt and told them I was you."
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"Why would I be talking to Kelso if I was pregnant?"
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"I need to be a strong male role model for Sam."
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"You know?"
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"Walk more purposefully, damn it! You're pissed!"
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"We're watching what I want to watch."
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"Oh, no, wait. No, that's... Thank you."
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"Dude, relax. I'm getting up now."
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"Why are you here?"
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"I sort of developed a foot fetish."
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"How could I possibly have breast cancer?"
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"End of story."
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"There's no touching. No touching me. No, please don't touch."
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"Take them both off and I'll bring home the gold."
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"Now, I've been called a great many horrible names in my life,"
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"Occupied!"
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"you can bet your ass they really need it."
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"and now I got testicular torsion."
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"- That's not really how it works, is it? - I'm not really sure."
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"we just quietly hope for someone to notice."
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"He's beautiful."
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"There. I locked myself in."
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"Yeah!"
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"The point is, I don't want you fighting my battles for me."
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"Our kids? Turk, we're not married."
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"Oh, no."
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"Do you want to call your brothers?"
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"You know what else would embarrass most guys?"
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"- Fair enough. I'm very sorry. - Apology accepted."
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"about eight inches tonight."
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"Right? Right?"
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"That's your daddy, not your mommy."
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"Well, it's official. The Janitorial is a hit."
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"And it makes my heart sing."
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"Here's John's lab work. If you tell me your secret,"
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"I am so great at changing people's minds."
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"Walk away! We got them."
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