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Clips from Peep Show - Are We Going to Be Alright? (S09E09)

"'I'm gonna make Jeremy turn 40 whether he likes it or not.'"
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"I know. Wilfully perverse, but I'm trying to get in touch with someone"
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"I'm not some oddball, though. It's not worrying."
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"'Good to let him know it's not worrying. He can't worry now.'"
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"'I'm kidding myself. April's never gonna call me.'"
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"Wow! Three nights on the go, that is..."
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"That's major, huh?"
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"Perfect."
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"'So tired, so very tired."
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"'Must...eat...toast.'"
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"I'll see you, Mark."
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"Are you OK? I'm fine."
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"I think I might shortly die, but I'm fine. Three-day drug binge."
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"Ooh, your favourite! Celebration for the birthday boy?"
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"You're not planning a party or anything, are you? No, mate."
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"Cos I definitely don't want a party."
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"Good, because I told Joe I'll be 39 tomorrow."
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"Why? I don't know."
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"40 is basically 50, and 50 is dead, whereas 39 is like 35."
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"Not entirely."
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"For a few months, theoretically, we can be in our 30s together."
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"I think I see. 29, 40, no."
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"31, 42, no. 16, 26, better."
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"'and then do a sit-up and maybe a press-up.'"
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"Oh, a sprout sandwich! Are you on a health kick?"
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"I need the vitamins. Why?"
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"I've gotta try and keep up with Joe. He's so fucking full of life."
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"Is this his? The Golden Fountain?"
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"No, it's mine. It's about the beneficial properties"
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"of our body's most magnificent product - the human vitamin drink."
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"That your body was too foolish to extract at first time of asking."
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"Why do the Uchamojo people live to 100, Mark?"
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"I don't know, Jeremy, because you just made them up?"
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"Because they take the original vaccine, the watery battery, the mellow yellow."
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"Drinking your own piss - the golden fountain. Come on, Jez, what's next?"
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"The chocolate factory? No!"
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"Not the chocolate factory. That's horrible."
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"'He's got the book, but he'd never actually...ugh! Oh, God!'"
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"You're not keeping it in the fridge? Best served chilled."
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"I need to head to work. I thought you were off today."
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"Emergency meeting, special project or something."
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"'I'm wasted on him."
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"'I should be living with Graham Norton and Dorothy Parker.'"
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"Is that Baker from regional?"
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"What...what is this, Alan?"
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"Hmm? Cos I needed them at home for projects."
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"Jeff?! Yeah, I had a riffle through my old address book."
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"I'm in and you're out. What? But..."
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"Can't you do anything? I'm sorry, Mark. You're contaminated."
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"You're the astronaut with typhoid"
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"and I'm gonna stand well back while you're fired out of the airlock."
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"'No, Alan. Remember all the good times, Alan.'"
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"So, Mr Corrigan, it has been brought to our attention that you certified"
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"a loan to a friend of yourself,"
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"ticking the certification boxes without adequate document checks."
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"This is gross negligence and we're dismissing you forthwith."
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"I'm sorry, which loan was this? Um, to a Mr Usborne, Jeremy."
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"It's come to light due to a complaint. What complaint? Who complained?"
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"Well, Mr Usborne has been in contact to say"
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"that he believes that the granting of this loan to him"
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"was, um, "out of proportion with the just working of the universe"."
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"and he's claiming mental incapacity due to the influence of the internet"
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"But I can get the money back. I know him."
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"I can get it back. I'll jam a Biro in his eye and drag him in here today."
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"That may be your way of operating, Mr Corrigan,"
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"Your wet wipes and your Mega Puzzler."
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"'I'm hung out to dry, I'm human laundry."
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"'Ugh, Jeff, Jerry and Johnson, a trilogy of shits.'"
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"I just wanted to let you know that I am now going to punch you on the nose."
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"We don't hit. That's the rule! Or are we hitting now?"
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"'OK, I redundered him, he face-ploughed me,"
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"'we're equals-pequals.'"
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"Oh, not still with the silent treatment."
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"For fuck's sake! 'I love the silent treatment."
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"I just wanted my extortionate payments written off."
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"'push it to breaking point.'"
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"'He wouldn't. Not my lovely, white milk.'"
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"Do say when you want me to stop."
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"'He's milking me.'"
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"No? I'll fill it right up, then."
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"'He's got his hands on my udders and he's actually milking me.'"
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"I'll just get rid of these."
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"'I will prevail. He can't hurt me with his Rice Krispie blitz."
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"'What am I going to do now, cover him in milk and start licking him?'"
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"DOORBELL RINGS"
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"'God love the fax and all the old ways.'"
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"Marmite in the marge. She's a slob."
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"just laying on its fucking side, oozing. What's that all about?"
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"I can't live like that."
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"Are you all right? Yeah, fine, knackered."
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"Three-day bender and then Mark got fired cos of me"
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"and I couldn't sleep cos of the guilt."
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"Yeah. And now he's not speaking to me."
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"even though it's already overflowing and I'm like,"
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"'Shush, Hans, I'm trying to think about myself.'"
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"I don't mind drinking my piss but your piss, that's over the line."
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"I understand."
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"Well, thanks for calling."
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"Goodbye, April."
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"TV IS ON Are you all right, mate?"
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"that I'm not talking to him. Oh, mate, not now."
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"It's over. Everything's over."
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"Oh, God, don't be such a wanker!"
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"Molly's Enders, I'm Corrie, Corrie till I die."
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"It's a sign, innit? You've gotta choose."
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"on the high street with the intention of sailing away for ever"
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"and I'd very much like to sit here"
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"and watch a property-based reality show while she does it."
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"Let's bloody well go and stop her."
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"If I wanted to stop her, the last person I'd ask for help"
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"Mark, I am going to help you save the day with April."
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"I am going to be your love butler."
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"Come on, let's at least go and spy in case there's something to be done, yeah?"
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"'Hmm. I suppose it might be better than having a cry and a Cornetto.'"
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"I haven't forgiven you, by the way."
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"I just wanted to be clear. It is clear."
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"Good. You just need to be ready, Mark,"
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"ready to get April on her own and tell her how you feel."
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"Yeah, love's hard, mate, fucking hard, doesn't work, breaks."
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"But you've got to give it a go, huh?"
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