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Clips from Frasier - I Hate Frasier Crane (S01E01)

"Daphne, the salad is exquisite."
Frasier
"Not the salad. Derek Mann. Why would he write that?"
Frasier
"This attack is totally unwarranted. I'm a healer, for God's sake."
Frasier
"- Oh, for crying out loud. - I've every right to be upset."
Frasier
"I won't enjoy my dinner until this is in the trash."
Frasier
"- Nothing. - Come on, I'm interested. Tell me."
Frasier
"Not really."
Frasier
"OK, Lorraine, calm down and listen to what I say. Will you do that?"
Frasier
"'Oh, gosh. That's call waiting. Do you mind if I take it?'"
Frasier
"All right. Listen carefully to what I say. Your problem..."
Frasier
"(Click)"
Frasier
"For someone with so many problems, she certainly is popular."
Frasier
"'OK. Go ahead, Dr Crane.'"
Frasier
"(Click)"
Frasier
"'l don't believe it, another call!'"
Frasier
"you want to change your career and leave your boyfriend."
Frasier
"the "call on the other line"."
Frasier
"and you'll be a stronger person for it. Do you follow me?"
Frasier
"'OK, I'm back!'"
Frasier
"Thank you for your call."
Frasier
"Only a few minutes left. I'd like to end on a personal note."
Frasier
"He said, and I quote, "l hate Frasier Crane.""
Frasier
"of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life"
Frasier
"A lesser critic would have wasted our time"
Frasier
"read it, enjoy it, and above all, treasure it."
Frasier
"For, one day this man will join the pantheon of the immortals."
Frasier
"I'm Dr Frasier Crane."
Frasier
"Lucky for you, I saved it. Look at Derek Mann's column."
Frasier
"- Hello. I don't think we've met. - We have, a few times, Roz Doyle."
Frasier
"It was during the, uh..."
Frasier
"Well, I'm too successful to feel awkward. Where did we meet?"
Frasier
"He even attacks your "dim-witted sidekick call screener"."
Frasier
"That's me!"
Frasier
"Oh, now I remember you."
Frasier
""or his voice, a mock sympathetic tone so sickly sweet,"
Frasier
""one wonders if he graduated from medical school"
Frasier
""or from some mind-controlling cult.""
Frasier
"To retaliate would be to stoop to his level."
Frasier
"The best response is no response at all."
Frasier
"Dr Crane, we have Stewart who has a problem with delayed gratification."
Frasier
"Well, he's just gonna have to wait!"
Frasier
"but if he thinks he can hide behind his paper like a school child behind a tree,"
Frasier
"Let's see who's on line five. Hello, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening."
Frasier
"'Derek Mann.'"
Frasier
"'Look, nobody calls me half a man, especially some Ivy League twit."
Frasier
"'So what do you say we settle this...like men?'"
Frasier
"Fight as in a fist fight?"
Frasier
"'So are you up to it, or aren't YOU man enough?'"
Frasier
"'What's it gonna be? You gonna fight me or not?'"
Frasier
"- You can't be serious. - 'Just as I figured. You're chicken.'"
Frasier
"Maybe our listeners have an opinion. Who's on the line?"
Frasier
"- 'You're chicken, Crane. Admit it.' - I'm not chicken!"
Frasier
"(Clucks)"
Frasier
"(Clucks)"
Frasier
"You want a fight so bad, name the time and place."
Frasier
"'Kinsley Square, outside your office, by the old statue, noon tomorrow."
Frasier
"'Don't back out.'"
Frasier
"I won't."
Frasier
"You must have seen that on some of my papers."
Frasier
"- You're putting me on. - She had a lot of men in her life."
Frasier
"No kidding. She was a hooker."
Frasier
"No, I mean she had four brothers."
Frasier
"That's amazing. She did have four brothers."
Frasier
"Tell me more."
Frasier
"I can't just turn it on and off like a faucet."
Frasier
"Give it a try, please. What else are you getting?"
Frasier
"Nothing... No, wait."
Frasier
"- I see a man. - Yeah?"
Frasier
"He's getting off an elevator. He's walking down a long hallway."
Frasier
"- What's going on? - Unless you killed a hooker, not much."
Frasier
"We heard your show. I loved the way you handled that Derek Mann."
Frasier
"- Yes, I did, didn't l? - Boy, I can't wait to see that."
Frasier
"I'm not actually gonna go through with it, Dad."
Frasier
"How would I benefit by having a fist fight?"
Frasier
"Maybe I'm misunderstanding."
Frasier
"He challenged you, and you're backing down?"
Frasier
"A man doesn't just turn and run."
Frasier
"I didn't know what I was saying. I hadn't had lunch."
Frasier
"I might've known this would happen. It's Billy Kriezel all over again."
Frasier
"What did you say?"
Frasier
"Something about a Billy Kriezel."
Frasier
"So Frasier made fun of Billy's crew cut."
Frasier
"He started it. He made fun of the elbow patches on my blazer."
Frasier
"after school only "Patches" didn't show up."
Frasier
"I had a clarinet lesson!"
Frasier
"You don't need to remind me. Billy's dad was a cop, too."
Frasier
"Every time I couldn't make it for a drink, they'd say, "Got a clarinet lesson?""
Frasier
"Couldn't you have met Billy after the clarinet lesson?"
Frasier
"for not fighting Billy Kriezel 30 years ago."
Frasier
"I just want you to do what you said you'd do."
Frasier
"I can't even look at you."
Frasier
"So I step out of the shower, I look out the window,"
Frasier
"I say, "Did you get a good look?" He says, "No. Turn around.""
Frasier
"Why are you telling me this?"
Frasier
"To get your mind off the fact that in five minutes"
Frasier
"you're going to get your clock cleaned."
Frasier
"Did it occur to you that I might win?"
Frasier
"Your shoe's untied."
Frasier
"If you fell for that one, you're going down,"
Frasier
"and you're going down hard."
Frasier
"Secretaries with bag lunches, children with balloons."
Frasier
"- All that's missing is a mariachi band. - They're setting up."
Frasier
"As your brother and as your friend, why are you doing this?"
Frasier
"- I ran away from him when I was ten. - I remember."
Frasier
"Chalk it up to random violence."
Frasier
"I... I'm doing this for myself."
Frasier
"Good."
Frasier
"Good luck with the fight."
Frasier
"Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions?"
Frasier
"I recognize him from the paper. That's Derek Mann."
Frasier
"Sure you wanna go through with it?"
Frasier
"You'll be fine. Remember, this is a street fight,"
Frasier
"I find that a knee to the groin does the trick."
Frasier
"Come on, Frasier, hit him first!"
Frasier
"- Is that the police? - What are they doing here?"
Frasier
"They're breaking it up."
Frasier
"But I warn you, in this town, we don't settle our differences with street fights."
Frasier
"Dad, did you see me? My hands are trembling."
Frasier
"I was out there. I was ready. You saw that, right?"
Frasier
"- You would have kicked his butt. - From here to Tacoma."
Frasier
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