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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - A Farewell (S03E03)

"A wonderful send-off."
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"Now close the fucking lid and get out of here."
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"Yes, Master."
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"So, now let us raise a glass of blood"
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"to our guests and to ourselves."
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"Vampires now and vampires forever."
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"-[laughing] - Vampires forever!"
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"Like we have a choice."
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"Well said, my darling, well said."
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"You are a tough act to follow."
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"But indeed I must, for today is an auspicious day"
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"for a couple of reasons, one of which..."
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"we are joined by such esteemed vampires."
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"The other happens to be the 100th birthday"
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"of our housemate, our friend,"
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"and the energy vampire, Colin Robinson."
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"NADJA: Okay, why not?"
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"Yes, uh, let us raise a toast to Colin Robinson."
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"[chuckles forcefully] Cheers."
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"-[chuckles] So, if every... - LASZLO: I remember"
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"the first time I met Colin Robinson,"
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"I thought to myself, "How can one man be so fucking dull?""
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"[Laszlo chuckles]"
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"It's true to say,"
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"he's left his mark on Staten Island."
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"It's also true to say,"
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"he's left his mark on my heart."
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"This is a wretched world that we find ourselves in--"
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"full of cruel, disgusting people."
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"His main crime was that he's dull."
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"I don't even particularly like the fellow."
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"I mean, I can't stand the man,"
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"but I'm proud to call him my friend."
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"Please be upstanding for Colin Robinson."
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"- Bravo! - And again, Colin Robinson."
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"So, if you would like to make your way to the library,"
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"we have laid on a live fuck show."
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"-[laughs] Yes, that's right. - CARMILLA: Ooh!"
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"You can take your clothes off on the way out."
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"- GUIDE: Right this way. - NADJA: Yes. [chuckles]"
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"DONAL: Live fuck show?"
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"What the fuck was that?"
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"No one even knows who Colin Robinson is,"
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"let alone gives a bloody piss about his birthday."
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"- Why are you so obsessed with him at the moment? - My darling."
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"- Colin Robinson is dying. - What?!"
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"GUILLERMO: What?"
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"Colin Robinson will be dead by sunrise."
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"[Nadja gasps]"
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"LASZLO: There's nothing we can do about it."
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"I've known for months."
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"The very first time Colin and I were"
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"in the Vampiric Council Library,"
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"he began searching for information"
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"about energy vampires"
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"and how they're made and where he came from."
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"I knew there was a page or two on energy vampires"
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"in Edmund Wheelwright's Compendium Vampirium."
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"But what I found shocked me."
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""Energy vampires," it said,"
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""have a life expectancy of exactly 100 years.""
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"Why are you ripping that page out of that book?"
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"I'll wank my way and you wank yours."
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"On their 100th birthday"
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"they expire."
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"So, does Colin know?"
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"He doesn't."
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"I haven't had the heart to tell him."
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"And eventually, I realized,"
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"better for the poor bastard to not know at all."
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"Better for me to show him a good time"
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"during his last months of life."
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"[laughing]"
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"COLIN: Just the dudes."
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"[grunts]"
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"[screaming]"
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"♪"
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"And I feel I succeeded,"
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"but I also feel this could be"
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"- the beginning of... - Uh..."
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"Hey, guys."
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"I think I'm gonna pass on the... the fuck-and-suck show."
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"I'm feeling a little funny tummy."
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"I'm gonna 23 skidoo and lie down, take a nap."
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"Party on, dudes."
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"The dying has begun."
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"-[flatulence] - LASZLO: Ooh."
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"NADJA: Hello, Colin Robinson."
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"-[chuckles softly] -[flatulence]"
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"- GUILLERMO: Hey, buddy. - Hey, dudes."
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"Sorry I... I'm ruining my own birthday party."
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"You know what, though? I feel like I'm rallying."
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"Maybe we can have some birthday fun after all."
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"Oh, no, no, don't exert yourself,"
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"- dear friend. -[Colin coughs]"
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"- No. -[flatulence]"
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"- Oh, okay. - GUILLERMO: Oh."
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"[singsongy]: That awkward moment."
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"No, it happens to the best of us, doesn't it, boys?"
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"You know? Is there anything we can get you?"
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"Can someone please fetch me a, uh,"
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"diet ginger ale for my funny tummy?"
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"He'll do that, and in the meantime,"
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"I think you should just recall"
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"the last 100 years' worth of fun and friendship."
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"Yeah, actually I kind of feel like"
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"the first 100 years of my life were wasted, so..."
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"-[flatulence] - Starting tomorrow,"
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"Colin Robinson's motto is "young, dumb and full of cum.""
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"Well, that sounds marvelous, and, um,"
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"if anyone else has anything to say,"
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"I would say now is the time to say it."
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"GUILLERMO: Okay, Colin Robinson,"
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"I know that sometimes you..."
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"Did you fetch him the ginger ale for his tummy?"
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"- Can I speak? - Well, his stomach's not gonna repair itself, is it?"
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"- Can I just speak please? - Speak."
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"Colin Robinson..."
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"- I know that we're not related, you and I or anyone. -[flatulence]"
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"-[sniffs] - He farted, not me."
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