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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Friendship Algorithm (S02E02)

"Mm."
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"Oh, no kidding."
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"I'm not sure yet. You know, George Clooney has one now."
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"He was buying tequila."
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"Wow, you'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey."
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"All right, this is cruel."
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"Yeah, he's a ginormous knob."
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"Hey, it's true, Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted."
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"I shall befriend him."
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"Kripke."
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"What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends?"
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"I would say..."
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"Well, I think we're off to a terrific start."
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"And that's not a bathing suit, it's a tan line."
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"Apparently, you did not know that the chef's salad..."
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"And I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status."
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"Oh, really? Well, good for him."
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"...I don't think it's gonna happen."
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""Roommate wanted. Whistlers need not apply.""
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"And you moved in anyway?"
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"I suppose."
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"Penny."
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"Penny. Penny."
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"This is for you."
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"- What is this? - It's a questionnaire I devised."
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"I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work..."
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"...so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me."
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"But short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response..."
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"Why don't you rank that number one? You're on your own for the rest."
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"It should take you no more than three hours."
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"Well, wait, how many questions are on this thing?"
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"Don't worry. I've kept them all at a high-school graduate reading level."
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"Sheldon, honey, did you ever consider making friends by being..."
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"May I suggest it as the topic for your essay?"
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"I'd have better luck making friends..."
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"Oh, I don't see how you could."
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"I did learn how to swim."
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"In the future, swimming isn't going to be optional."
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"That's insane on the face of it."
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"- Come on. - Where are we going?"
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"...that summarizes the current theories in the field of friend making."
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""Coping With the Death of a Loved One.""
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"Family or friend?"
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"If it had been a friend, I'm available to fill the void."
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"Oh, I assume the skills can be extrapolated and transferred."
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"Oh! I love trains."
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"All right."
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"That's probably about homosexual rabbits."
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"Ooh. Well, here we go."
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"...and their cockatoo, Stu.""
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"What are you reading?"
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"Curious George."
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"Oh, I do like monkeys."
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"Somewhat anthropomorphized, but yes."
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"Say..."
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"...maybe sometime you and I could go see monkeys together."
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"- No, you're not. Let's go. - l--"
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"I'm curious, in the "How Well Do You Know Sheldon?" section..."
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"It occurred to me you hadn't returned any of my calls..."
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"I bet we share some common interests."
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"Really? On actual horses?"
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"Oh, I'm sorry. I have no desire to get in the water till I absolutely have to."
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"Maybe you, me and your dummy could go get a hot beverage."
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"He could talk while you drink."
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"This appears significantly more monolithic than it did on my laptop."
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"Little kid hominids, perhaps."
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"Your parents must be so proud."
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"It's a bit like vertical swimming."
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"I was wrong."
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"- You all right there, Cooper? - Not really."
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"Okay."
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"Hello, everyone."
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"He passed out."
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"How much time you got?"
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"You want some Chinese food?"
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"Terrific. Got any dental floss?"
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"In the bathroom."
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"Be right back."
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"...and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer."
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"...you do not have a Ph.D."
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"- Guilty as charged. I'm out. - No."
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"Come on. What do I have to do?"
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"...everything you're saying is true, but please allow me to continue."
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"It's a good question."
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"I'm gonna call you "Roxanne.""
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"Suddenly, I'm looking pretty good, huh?"
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"No, that's wrong. There's an official schedule."
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"He likes monkeys."
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"You gotta give him credit for sticking with it."
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"And he almost made it to the top this time."
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"Gentlemen, I put it to you:"
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"The worst tapioca pudding..."
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"...is better than the best pudding of any other flavor."
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"First off, that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate."
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"- A Fu Manchu, a handlebar, pencil? - It's extracted from--"
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"We better let him finish before his head explodes."
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"Tapioca is extracted from the root of Manihot esculenta."
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"Due to a high concentration of cyanide..."
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"...it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly."
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"You promised you wouldn't do that anymore."
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"- Hey, Hofstadter. - Hey, Kripke."
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"What a jerk."
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"- Even 20,000 of them. - All right."
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"Please don't cheer me up anymore."
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"Come on, don't let him get to you. It's Kripke."
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"...that I need to run simulations of structure formation in the early universe."
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"Good luck getting time on it. The only people he lets use it are his friends."
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"Well, then, the solution is simple."
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"Yeah?"
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"...I have no interest in becoming your friend."
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"...coming from someone who is considered altogether unlikable."
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"Take some time to reconsider."
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"Yeah, I'll do that."
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"Yeah, I got the same one."
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"Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper."
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"I am leaving a message for Barry Kripke."
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"Barry, it was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria."
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"I saw that you purchased the chef's salad."
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"...is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat."
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"I'm following up on our pending friendship."
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