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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - The Bro Mitzvah (S08E08)

""What kind of loser has his bachelor party..."
How I Met Your Mother
"10 yards from A. C. And doesn't even gamble?""
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney will take the envelope of cash I gave him and head straight into our trap."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hold on. You want us to rig a casino game..."
How I Met Your Mother
"to trick one of our former high rollers."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I love it. - [Sighs]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, I'd be worth more. You know, perfect teeth."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's coming from the guy who's never beaten me at Skee-Ball."
How I Met Your Mother
"is because they'd be afraid I'd go all Marshall Unchained on 'em..."
How I Met Your Mother
"which obviously isn't a risk with you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, you wanna see some Ted Unchained? Huh?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'll show you Ted Unchained!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall, would you mind standing over there for good luck?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, yeah. Sure."
How I Met Your Mother
"Meanwhile, I'll make sure he's abandoned me in my nightmare scenario."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hold on. You want me to help you trick my own son?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- I love it. - Oh."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney deserves it."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You know, he told me you were a virgin. - Ridiculous."
How I Met Your Mother
"I know. You are a dirty ho bag just like me."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Chuckles] - But he loves you so much. And so do I."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Sighs] - [Whispers] Ho bag."
How I Met Your Mother
"[All Laughing]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, the Chinese mobsters chop off my hand right in front of Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes! We're all equally enthused."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, here's a plan. After I storm off..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Marshall] Barney!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, hurry! Give 'em the money, please. Hurry!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, no! The Chinese mobster is giving Marshall back and taking me hostage instead..."
How I Met Your Mother
"because he says I'm obviously more valuable."
How I Met Your Mother
"Can you... Can you unlock the door?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No, they're not. They said you're free..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and I think we agreed that's not something mobsters would do."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, come on. This is my thing."
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"Don't hurt him. I've got the money."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Too late! - [Screaming]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Not my Skee-Ball hand!"
How I Met Your Mother
"No!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Please, just don't shoot me in the face. Or the crotch."
How I Met Your Mother
"Surprise!"
How I Met Your Mother
"What's going on?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, we decided to give you everything you wanted for your bachelor party..."
How I Met Your Mother
"without you even realizing it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait. So that's why you made me think Marshall might die?"
How I Met Your Mother
"And I'd lost all that money and my friends hated me and my wedding was off?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You just decided to-to-to check off everything on this list..."
How I Met Your Mother
"in the most twisted way imaginable?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Wow."
How I Met Your Mother
"So, Lily..."
How I Met Your Mother
"later on tonight, you want to, um..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
How I Met Your Mother
"That was all just part of the act."
How I Met Your Mother
"You-You knew that, right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah! Totally."
How I Met Your Mother
"We pulled it off, right? Platonic shake."
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"Everyone, everyone, thank you for an incredible bro mitzvah."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Mazel brov! - Mazel brov!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Mm, although you didn't really get everything on the list."
How I Met Your Mother
"No offense to Ralph Macchio, but he ain't the Karate Kid."
How I Met Your Mother
"I couldn't agree with you more."
How I Met Your Mother
"Do you know they almost didn't get me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"But after 18 voice mails..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I returned Robin's call."
How I Met Your Mother
"And she told me how you're one of the few people in the world..."
How I Met Your Mother
"who truly gets The Karate Kid movie."
How I Met Your Mother
"So when she asked if I'd help..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Karate Yell]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[All Laughing, Cheering]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- In the distance. - [Siren Wailing]"
How I Met Your Mother
"about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, thank God you're not a prude."
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"Oh, sorry."
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"Ted. Ted, I have..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Yep, kids. We had planned out every step of the night."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, it's just, uh... it's just I'm way more athletic than you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, please! They're gonna chop off my hand!"
How I Met Your Mother