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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Group (S01E01)

"- Yes. - That was a good one."
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"- Good guess. - Yeah, that was pretty clear."
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"- I wonder what the good news is. - I don't know, I can't even begin to imagine."
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"- Can I ask you something? - Sure."
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"Why am I the one that always has to initiate sex?"
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"you can have it."
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"Do you want somebody just mauling you all the time?"
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"I don't want you walking around like that."
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"Okay, once in a while, give it a try, that's all I'm saying, okay?"
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"She does, 'cause one of her actresses dropped out..."
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"She wants Cheryl to do The Vagina Monologues?"
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"Of course, you know, I've never actually seen the vagina with my glasses on."
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"- Can I have her call you this afternoon? - Please, yes."
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
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"I'm shocked. I'd like to do something nice for him."
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"Johnny Goldberg."
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"- Look at you, getting some gray hair. - Inside, I'm corroding."
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"I'm on drugs, you know, I'm all doped up."
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"Congratulations on this. And your marriage and all this wonderful stuff."
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"Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes."
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"I'm really glad that I have run into you because I've been thinking about you."
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"'cause there's something I'd like to talk to you about."
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"We don't have a child, do we?"
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"I guess, yeah."
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"I guess I can have lunch, yeah."
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"I'm sorry, is that okay?"
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"The other night you just said all I have to do is tap you on the shoulder..."
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"I wouldn't defile you like that. You don't know what goes on there."
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"It's complimentary to you that you're not involved in that."
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"But, you can bring your ex-girlfriends..."
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"thinking about Lucy Montone, or other women..."
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"She's like a prima donna. I don't need any prima donnas, you know."
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"Yeah."
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"- I can't believe we never talked about this. - I had no idea that a prom even existed."
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"You'd think I would have heard about it in school, but I didn't."
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"Good, 'cause you're the only person I ever told about that."
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"You want me to go to the incest group with you?"
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"What would I do there?"
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"Nobody else knows about what happened, except for, you know, my stepdad."
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"I'm not gonna bring him."
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"- Do you want to sit down? - No."
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"We need our time alone."
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"Is she going out with anybody?"
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"My name is Cynthia, and I'm an incest survivor."
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"My name's Gwendolyn, and I'm an incest survivor."
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"He would come into my room wearing a mask..."
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"and then later, with his sword."
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"and my Uncle Ned on my mother's side..."
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"It's not really a blood relative."
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"- So, does it count? - Step counts."
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"I want to scream at them, "I'm here, I'm here!"
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"Okay, next."
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"You're up."
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"My name is Todd..."
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"He was a doctor, an osteopath."
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"If I like her so much, how come I broke up with her?"
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"Right, yes, I know that's impossible..."
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""Then she undresses me slowly."
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""so wild.""
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"If they took all the pillows away, there was no more pillows in the world..."
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"do you think that would affect you adversely?"
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""There's no pillows on this couch.""
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"I know at night, it would have an effect at night."
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"What?"
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"It is?"
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"I can't deal with this. I am sorry."
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"Thank you."
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"She had to stop, she's gonna finish next week."
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"My God! Then I stormed out, and I told her to get another actress..."
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"How else would we have resolved it so fast?"
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"I completely understand."
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"That was good, Rock Cop."
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"Here's to the vagina."
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"Finally, they got him out of the car..."
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"Crushed. A '57 Chevy."
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"- Jeff has a '57 Chevy convertible. - I know, and he is fat."
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"Somebody spent a lot of time getting my hair to look just like this."
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"I hate to run you guys out, but I need time to collect my thoughts."
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"How's my trooper?"
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"The osteopath?"
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"- You know what I was gargling there? - Was it Yankee Doodle Dandy?"
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"So, my Uncle Nathan called and he's coming to LA."
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"And he wants to have dinner with us on Thursday night."
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"- Does that work? - Yeah, you want to eat here?"
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"- No, we'd go out. - Really?"
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"Yeah, that way we can get rid of him."
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"- He's a talker? - He's a lingerer."
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"- Okay. - I'm a malingerer and he's a lingerer."
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"- All right, we'll go out Thursday. - Okay, and also, this is a little weird..."
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"Jeff wants to see us in his office tomorrow."
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"- He wants to see us? - You and me, together."
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"He said not to worry, he said he's got good news."
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"- Oh, brother. - I couldn't get it out of him."
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"- He's leaving show business? - That would be good news."
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"Although I don't think he'd bill it as that."
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"- Good night. - Good night."
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"I'm just curious, okay?"
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"You ever thought about that?"
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"- Okay, I'll tell you why. - Yeah."
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"I got a cramp in my foot."
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"- I'm available for sex all the time. - Is that right?"
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"Basically."
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"So, anytime you want to have it..."
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"But, anytime I want to have it, I can't."
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"Just assume that I want it all the time..."
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"so whenever you want it, just tap me on the shoulder."
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"Otherwise I'll be making moves all the time. Do you want that?"
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"- I will treat your breasts as if they're mine. - Once in a while."
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"That's how I'll walk around. You know, I need borders, I need boundaries."
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"All right, okay, all right."
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"Not now."
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"So, what's the deal here? Why'd you call us down here for?"
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"This is very exciting, I know you're busy with your charity work..."
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"and all that stuff, but I got a phone call the other day from Wendy Praeger."
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"- You know who Wendy Praeger is? - Yeah, director, right?"
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"- Director. - Theater director."
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"She's directing The Vagina Monologues, that show, in New York..."
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""She's bringing The Vagina Monologues...""
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"Good for you, Wendy, do you need help?"
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"and I suggested you."
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