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Clips from Married with Children - My Mom, the Mom (S03E03)

"That's terrible."
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"Who would do a mean thing like that?"
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"I'll give you a hint."
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"She lives here,"
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"has white hair,"
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"Yeah, that's the one."
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"I'll get your belt."
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"Hi, everybody."
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"Anything interesting happen at school today?"
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"Oh, not to me."
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"Well, good night."
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"There was this one thing, though."
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"There's this girl who looks just like me"
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"who got into a peck of trouble today,"
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"so if the principal calls and--"
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"Gee, Mom, you look fantastic,"
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"and, Dad..."
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"Doesn't Mom look fantastic?"
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"Hey, what say we unplug the phones and play Yahtzee?"
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"but I figured we'd tie her down with this..."
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"Hi, Kelly."
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"You told, didn't you?"
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"Just about the spray painting,"
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"not that you came in at 2 a.m. last night."
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"Oops."
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"You know you're going to be punished for this, don't you?"
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"Well, you're gonna have to take a number."
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"They're already punishing me at school."
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"ever since I stole her stupid husband."
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"I mean, some chalk."
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"Well, what's she going to do to you?"
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"With the nerds and the geeks?"
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"Nerds, dips, feebs and geeks. [GROANS]"
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"What would you do, Mom?"
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"I'd quit school."
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"I need school. It's like my office."
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"I check in, I get my messages,"
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"I go to lunch..."
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"I mean, if I'm on the streets, I'm just another..."
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"Flophouse toy?"
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"No, girl-repellent."
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"It's where I'm cool."
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"It's where I'm important."
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"It's where I can get a hot meal."
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"But if I tap, I'll be branded as an ortho."
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"Oh, God, my brain hurts. Somebody help me."
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"Okay, look."
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"Kelly, what you did was wrong."
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"It was funny, though."
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"But wrong."
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"Uh, I guess."
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"We don't eat vegetables, and we don't tap."
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"So take one more tap class,"
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"and tomorrow I'll get up,"
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"paint one of my ankles, go to work,"
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"Thanks, Daddy."
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"Then I'll go to the airport,"
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"and I'll go to Borneo,"
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"where I'll be I'll be known as"
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"Roll,"
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"fold,"
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"and flip."
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"See? It's easy."
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"Of course, Steve's mother is an idiot."
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"when we got married, you know."
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"Well, last night,"
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"after Al learned that a man with $20"
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"he went out to buy some socks"
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"He's on this weird sock quest,"
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"and he just won't believe"
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"that I don't lose them on purpose."
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"Does Steve blame you when his socks disappear?"
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"Oh, Steve never loses a sock."
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"He pins them together before I wash them."
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"Another tip from Mommy."
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"Yeah, Al's mother had a tip for him too,"
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""Don't eat the dip tonight.""
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"Honey, what happened to your shoes?"
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"to all nerds' possessions--"
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"The cool kids stole them and threw them down the sewer."
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"Then they said,"
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""Gee, I wish Kelly was here to see this girl crying.""
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"Well, how was class?"
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"Oh, it was keen, Mom."
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"Today, they made me dance with Marty Newberger,"
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"the four-eyed saliva machine."
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"is making her take tap dancing."
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"Oh, how wonderful!"
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"I took tap and cotillion when I was growing up."
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"Isn't it fun?"
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"Fun?"
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"The whole class is geeks and dweebs."
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"When I took tap,"
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"there were no geeks or dweebs in my class."
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"shuffle off in front of a truck."
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"Daddy, did you talk to the principal?"
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"Did you save my life? Did you get me off?"
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"Did Daddy ever let you down before?"
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"Lots of times."
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"Then you won't be surprised"
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"at what Daddy has to say to you."
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"I forgot how much she hated me."
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"Peg, she remembered you, too."
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"She called you "The Big Easy.""
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"Well, we get into it,"
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"I called her Big Nose, she called me One Sock,"
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"and, uh, well, the upshot is--"
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"The upshot is"
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"I'm not allowed within 100 yards of the school"
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"until the night of your dance recital."
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"I don't have to do a dance recital."
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"You do now."
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"A milk carton with a tree growing out of it."
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"Well, chop it down, cook it up."
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"Uh, doesn't anybody care"
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"that we seem to be"
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"glossing over the end of my life?"
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"Uh, excuse me here,"
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"but there is nothing wrong with tap."
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"Steve taps."
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