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Clips from Married with Children - My Mom, the Mom (S03E03)

Sammy Davis Jr. taps,

"Sammy Davis Jr. taps,"

Married with Children

Tap is an art form.

"Tap is an art form."

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Open yourself to tap, you'll never look back.

"Open yourself to tap, you'll never look back."

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Mom, while Mrs. Rhoades finishes her geek attack,

"Mom, while Mrs. Rhoades finishes her geek attack,"

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let me explain this to you

"let me explain this to you"

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He is a god...

"He is a god..."

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the janitor at our school.

"the janitor at our school."

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So obviously all the girls want him.

"So obviously all the girls want him."

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Okay, I'm with you, I'm with you.

"Okay, I'm with you, I'm with you."

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All right, so I've been playing it cool.

"All right, so I've been playing it cool."

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You know, a little smile, a little wink,

"You know, a little smile, a little wink,"

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a little, "Hey, Bruno, look at this."

"a little, "Hey, Bruno, look at this.""

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You know, he's on the hook,

"You know, he's on the hook,"

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He thinks I'm cool,

"He thinks I'm cool,"

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but if he sees me wearing these horseshoes,

"but if he sees me wearing these horseshoes,"

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he's gonna go for some other slut.

"he's gonna go for some other slut."

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Oh, Mom!

"Oh, Mom!"

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Honey, you may not believe this now,

"Honey, you may not believe this now,"

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but there will be other janitors.

"but there will be other janitors."

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Not like this one.

"Not like this one."

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Oh, I know, I know,

"Oh, I know, I know,"

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but honey, we're not rich enough to send you to private school,

"but honey, we're not rich enough to send you to private school,"

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and unless your father

"and unless your father"

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comes up with a brilliant idea...

"comes up with a brilliant idea..."

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I'm afraid you're gonna have to tap.

"I'm afraid you're gonna have to tap."

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Miss Music, cue it up, please.

"Miss Music, cue it up, please."

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["ANYTHING GOES" PLAYING]

"["ANYTHING GOES" PLAYING]"

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Hey, "Anything Goes."

"Hey, "Anything Goes.""

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That's your song, isn't it, Kel?

"That's your song, isn't it, Kel?"

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All right. Now, watch me.

"All right. Now, watch me."

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And a-five, six, seven, eight.

"And a-five, six, seven, eight."

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Fa-lap, ball change.

"Fa-lap, ball change."

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Good, good.

"Good, good."

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See, you're starting to feel it.

"See, you're starting to feel it."

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Miss Music, hit it.

"Miss Music, hit it."

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A-five, six, seven, eight.

"A-five, six, seven, eight."

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["ANYTHING GOES" PLAYING]

"["ANYTHING GOES" PLAYING]"

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Al, look at our little girl.

"Al, look at our little girl."

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We don't really have to go

"We don't really have to go"

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Peg, remember the Bundy credo:

"Peg, remember the Bundy credo:"

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When one Bundy is embarrassed,

"When one Bundy is embarrassed,"

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the rest of us feel better about ourselves.

"the rest of us feel better about ourselves."

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Hop, shuffle, step, shuffle, step,

"Hop, shuffle, step, shuffle, step,"

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shuffle, ball change, ball change,

"shuffle, ball change, ball change,"

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Hop, shuffle, step,

"Hop, shuffle, step,"

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shuffle, step, shuffle, step,

"shuffle, step, shuffle, step,"

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ball change, ball change, cramp roll...

"ball change, ball change, cramp roll..."

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Oh!

"Oh!"

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Oh!

"Oh!"

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Oh, Steve!

"Oh, Steve!"

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Yeah, I know, I know.

"Yeah, I know, I know."

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Kelly?

"Kelly?"

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Now, tap can be your friend, you know,

"Now, tap can be your friend, you know,"

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on those lonely nights

"on those lonely nights"

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when the cool kids

"when the cool kids"

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don't invite you to their parties.

"don't invite you to their parties."

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When everybody else is out having fun,

"When everybody else is out having fun,"

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but you're home, studying,

"but you're home, studying,"

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so that someday

"so that someday"

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you can own the best car in the neighborhood.

"you can own the best car in the neighborhood."

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And on those mornings when you look in the mirror,

"And on those mornings when you look in the mirror,"

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and see a guy who's pretty darn good-looking,

"and see a guy who's pretty darn good-looking,"

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but shunned because of his intelligence.

"but shunned because of his intelligence."

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because everybody needs a car or a home loan,

"because everybody needs a car or a home loan,"

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and that's when they come crawling on their bellies to me.

"and that's when they come crawling on their bellies to me."

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So I guess "Steve, Steve, the school's pet peeve"

"So I guess "Steve, Steve, the school's pet peeve""

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is worth something after all.

"is worth something after all."

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Steve.

"Steve."

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Oh.

"Oh."

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Anyhow, the point is

"Anyhow, the point is"

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tap builds character for people who need it.

"tap builds character for people who need it."

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I played the accordion.

"I played the accordion."

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Al, we've got to do something.

"Al, we've got to do something."

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We cannot let her turn out like this.

"We cannot let her turn out like this."

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Then she'll be home all day with you.

"Then she'll be home all day with you."

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Oh, very good.

"Oh, very good."

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Very good.

"Very good."

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That was fun, wasn't it?

"That was fun, wasn't it?"

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doesn't swallow at all, does he?

"doesn't swallow at all, does he?"

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He gets some good distance, too.

"He gets some good distance, too."

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Al, maybe it's not too late

"Al, maybe it's not too late"

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to get Kelly out of this.

"to get Kelly out of this."

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If your daughter isn't great, she's out of here

"If your daughter isn't great, she's out of here"

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Oh, and by the way,

"Oh, and by the way,"

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a week ago I had 10 pairs of socks.

"a week ago I had 10 pairs of socks."

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Al, you're just being paranoid.

"Al, you're just being paranoid."

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I just know Kelly's going to mix up my instructions.

"I just know Kelly's going to mix up my instructions."

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I just know it.

"I just know it."

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Hop, shuffle, death.

"Hop, shuffle, death."

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Hop, shuffle, fail.

"Hop, shuffle, fail."

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Hop, shuffle, bus station.

"Hop, shuffle, bus station."

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[SIGHS]

"[SIGHS]"

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Isn't that an early warning sign of geekdom?

"Isn't that an early warning sign of geekdom?"

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How come no date tonight, Bud?

"How come no date tonight, Bud?"

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Couldn't get the wig on Buck?

"Couldn't get the wig on Buck?"

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That's funny, Kel.

"That's funny, Kel."

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Hey, can you do me a favor?

"Hey, can you do me a favor?"

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Can you say... "duh-eeee?"

"Can you say... "duh-eeee?""

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Oh, God!

"Oh, God!"

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It's him. It's Bruno.

"It's him. It's Bruno."

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If he sees me, I'm going to die.

"If he sees me, I'm going to die."

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It's Kelly.

"It's Kelly."

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Hi, Kelly.

"Hi, Kelly."

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How come you look like a geek?

"How come you look like a geek?"

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

"Oh, yeah, yeah."

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Hey, did you see Newberger out there

"Hey, did you see Newberger out there"

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I wonder if he does lawns on the weekends?

"I wonder if he does lawns on the weekends?"

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Listen, you don't want to watch these geeks.

"Listen, you don't want to watch these geeks."

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Why don't you hit the parking lot

"Why don't you hit the parking lot"

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Hey, you know, I'd love to,

"Hey, you know, I'd love to,"

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but, you know, it's a parole violation.

"but, you know, it's a parole violation."

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I think I'll just hang with you

"I think I'll just hang with you"

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and laugh at the nerds.

"and laugh at the nerds."

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I'm laughing already.

"I'm laughing already."

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I'd better go use this mop

"I'd better go use this mop"

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before they drown.

"before they drown."

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Coming!

"Coming!"

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Gee, Kel, what you gonna to do now?

"Gee, Kel, what you gonna to do now?"

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will delight you with their tap interpretation

"will delight you with their tap interpretation"

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[SLOW THUDDING]

"[SLOW THUDDING]"

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