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Clips from Veep - Thanksgiving (S05E05)

"and our president can't make a statement without a paper bag on her head."
Veep
"You're missing the big picture. Sherman was an O'Brien diehard."
Veep
"That's one less vote for O'Brien and possibly one vote for us"
Veep
"if they can hold a special election in time."
Veep
"New Hampshire could give us the presidency."
Veep
"If I had known that, I would have killed him myself."
Veep
"Jonah's Uncle Jeff is flying down."
Veep
"He's still the kingmaker in New Hampshire."
Veep
"God, he is such, like, a little man, isn't he?"
Veep
"He is."
Veep
"- Fuck! - What?"
Veep
"O'Brien is offering condolences to the widow."
Veep
"We got to get somebody to say something about Sherman."
Veep
"Not Doyle. Anyone but the veep."
Veep
"- We got to lance that Doyle. - No promises, ma'am."
Veep
"- What? - No promises."
Veep
"Come on."
Veep
"- What is that? - It's your Thanksgiving meal."
Veep
"Why are there two place settings? You know Charlie's not coming, right?"
Veep
"I do. That was just for in case you wanted someone to sit with you."
Veep
"Not to eat, just to talk."
Veep
"Or be quiet."
Veep
"- I'm not hungry. - Me neither."
Veep
"- You again? - Sherman's dead."
Veep
"We need you to make another statement."
Veep
"What is dental surgery code for anyway, Ben?"
Veep
"I mean, is it like anal bleaching?"
Veep
"Because if it is, you should just come out and say that"
Veep
"because the American people, they'll accept it in time."
Veep
"To be honest with you, sir, she's not looking real good."
Veep
"And I'll be honest with you. I don't think you're being honest about being honest."
Veep
"So you know what? I want to see the president."
Veep
"- That won't be necessary. - No more messengers, Ben."
Veep
"If she wants me to do her bullshit,"
Veep
"she can tell me out of her own shining white asshole."
Veep
"Today's media-go-round was a tour De force."
Veep
"More like a waste De time."
Veep
"Well, maybe you thought I was too busy"
Veep
"sorting through your junk mail folder to realize"
Veep
"you mentioned things like zucchini and Atlantic City and Pfizer,"
Veep
"all clients, of course, of Sidney Why is That Guy Calling Me Purcell."
Veep
"I used a lot of other words, too."
Veep
"I'm pretty sure I said be and also careful."
Veep
"I don't know what your endgame is, but I want in."
Veep
"I will bring you back human ears for a necklace."
Veep
"I am your guy."
Veep
"Didn't you have, like, a nervous breakdown?"
Veep
"- You had a nervous breakdown, right? - It was not a breakdown."
Veep
"It was just more a little bit of psychological indigestion."
Veep
"You just got back from Nevada and you lost the recount."
Veep
"It's got to be a pretty stressful time."
Veep
"Seems to me like you're spinning out."
Veep
"At least that's what I'm gonna have to tell everyone."
Veep
"Which would be a shame."
Veep
"You're right. I don't even know what we were talking about."
Veep
"We're talking about your mental state, Dan."
Veep
"Your lips are looking a little dry."
Veep
"- I just want to see if I have that balm. - Oh, goodie."
Veep
"Kent: Ben is bringing over Vice President Doyle."
Veep
"He insisted on seeing you."
Veep
"Forgive me, but you have to be nice to him."
Veep
"What? I know that."
Veep
"Why is everybody always telling me to be nice?"
Veep
"All right? It is... oh, here."
Veep
"- Jesus Horatio Christ. - Andrew."
Veep
"Wow."
Veep
"Needless to say, I did not have root canal."
Veep
"Thanks, guys. I got it. Come, sit down, please."
Veep
"Can I just say how much I appreciate"
Veep
"your coming down on your Thanksgiving"
Veep
"and giving it up to come here? Thank you."
Veep
"Sherman may have been from the other side of the aisle,"
Veep
"but he's a decent guy"
Veep
"even though he still used the word coloreds."
Veep
"Oh, well, nobody's perfect, right?"
Veep
"You can cut the shit, Selina."
Veep
"I have barely seen you for two months."
Veep
"- Well, apologies about that. - Okay."
Veep
"Listen, I will go out there with my golden boy smile,"
Veep
"- give 'em the Doyle dazzle. - Okay."
Veep
"But there's something I want in return."
Veep
"I want to be considered for Secretary of State."
Veep
"It's the job I've always wanted."
Veep
"Hughes said that he would give it to me if he won a second term."
Veep
"And he also said he'd kick you off the ticket."
Veep
"See, there's that Doyle dazzle and I'm a big fan of it."
Veep
"Andrew, I'm a woman of my word"
Veep
"and you have my word."
Veep
"Fair enough."
Veep
"- Okay, good. All right. - Say, did Ben do this to you?"
Veep
"Because I can get you to a shelter."
Veep
"- That's so funny. - Seriously, I know he says he loves you,"
Veep
"but if you don't press charges, he's gonna kill you someday."
Veep
"I love it. Domestic abuse jokes. They just tickle me."
Veep
"As most of you already know, Congressman Harry Sherman passed away today"
Veep
"in a hospital near his home in his beloved state of New Hampshire."
Veep
"Hey, I've got something for you guys, something big."
Veep
"I think Tom is up to something with Sidney Purcell."
Veep
"Up to what?"
Veep
"At each of today's programs,"
Veep
"he mentioned one of Purcell's clients."
Veep
"I mean, zucchini, Pfizer, farmed salmon."
Veep
"- Tom is not that stupid. - There's a clear pattern."
Veep
"And I noticed it, so I confronted him with the evidence."
Veep
"- And? - And he said that I was crazy."
Veep
"- You know what it could be? - What?"
Veep
"That you are fucking crazy."
Veep
"You were foaming at the mouth during the election."
Veep
"Tom James."
Veep
"It was a fucking panic attack."
Veep
"Tom James."
Veep
"Goddamn panic attack."
Veep
"You know it was a fucking panic attack."
Veep
"Kent: Well done."
Veep
"Congratulations, Mrs. McLintock."
Veep
"Listen, baby, I have some giblets simmering"
Veep
"and five really hungry people, so I'm gonna need you to be really quick."
Veep
"No problem. Fastest gun in DC."
Veep
"Do you smell something?"
Veep
"No, nothing. Just the whiff of romance."
Veep
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