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Clips from Archer - Mole Hunt (S01E01)

"Do you know he called out her name once when we f...?"
Archer
"Fine!"
Archer
"- And here we are. All fine. - Cyril, come on, hon, please?"
Archer
"Now who's a naughty nellie?"
Archer
"Cyril Figgis."
Archer
"I'm sorry. Did you say Faggis?"
Archer
"- Figgis. Figgis. - Who is it? Better not be Pam."
Archer
"Hi, I'm a huge fan of cock and my name is..."
Archer
"Password."
Archer
"Hm. Password. How about "guest"?"
Archer
"No way."
Archer
"It can't be. Jesus Christ, that is just Baby Town frolics."
Archer
"How? How did I spend that much money?"
Archer
"Yeah, I know it's sexy, Woodhouse. That's why I bought 10."
Archer
"And now I'm short a slightly darker black one."
Archer
"So let's just put all my expenses..."
Archer
"- Oh. Now that's not very nice. - Oh, God."
Archer
"Hey, I was... I was just talking about you. And about how this isn't what it looks like."
Archer
"- A lot of that going around. - Yeah. It's an epidemic."
Archer
"For example, my real name is Kremenski."
Archer
"Wha...? Oh."
Archer
"Because when I hand the notorious Duchess to the KGB..."
Archer
"- Too bad you'll never see it. - What the...?"
Archer
"Lana, Krenshaw's a mole."
Archer
"And his name's not really Krenshaw, it's Kremenski."
Archer
"Definitely Russian, possibly a Jew. I don't know. Thoughts?"
Archer
"Yeah. Shut up. And you, drop it."
Archer
"- Baby crazy? - That's why I dumped her."
Archer
"- You little... You sack of shit. - What? What?"
Archer
"See? All you talk about is baby shit because you're baby crazy."
Archer
"- I wish you'd been wearing one. - Who would want to wear an on-fire suit?"
Archer
"Do you even hear how totally batshit insane you sound?"
Archer
"I'll tell you what I hear."
Archer
"Oh, it's Stir Friday. And Lana said to."
Archer
"Krenshaw? - Ms. Archer?"
Archer
"Krenshaw is a mole."
Archer
"- Now... Hey. - Not this time, you impossible bitch."
Archer
"Also, you should all be nicer to Pam."
Archer
"- Why aren't you in the car? - Will somebody do something?"
Archer
"What are you doing, you idiot?"
Archer
"Looks like we've got a Mexican standoff, Kremenski."
Archer
"- Dumb-ass. I don't care if you shoot her."
Archer
"- I do. - But what if I shoot her, mama's boy?"
Archer
"- Picture her dead in the gutter... - Sterling."
Archer
"And what your pathetic life will be like without old Mommy dearest."
Archer
"Jesus Christ."
Archer
"The thought of me dead gives you an erection?"
Archer
"The other half would have really missed you. I mean, not..."
Archer
"- Oh. - Ugh."
Archer
"- Must have been doing it all along. - Apology accepted, ass douche."
Archer
"- This is a hostile work environment. - I would have known if we had a mole."
Archer
"- How? - How what, dear?"
Archer
"Then I am taking hot pepper..."
Archer
"Hello? Darling?"
Archer
"- Comrade...? - Oh, shut up."
Archer
"- And why are there doughnuts everywhere? - Lana did that."
Archer
"Hm."
Archer
"- Would you pick an accent and stick with it? - Listen here..."
Archer
"And speaking of lame, my code name..."
Archer
"Was chosen at random by the ISIS computer."
Archer
"What if I'd been real KGB?"
Archer
"Oh, no."
Archer
"Get it?"
Archer
"- That's a very short list, isn't it? - Yes..."
Archer
"That's "Puttin' on the Ritz," man."
Archer
"Try to include people in your life and then you... Lana."
Archer
"Classic misdirection."
Archer
"- Or Tunis? - Tunis kind of rings a bell."
Archer
"If you don't square your operations account by Monday..."
Archer
"they won't need to. Your position will be vacant."
Archer
"Lana. Hey, I know I'm supposed to be up my own ass right now but..."
Archer
"It's all yours. So come let me in the mainframe."
Archer
"Oh, yeah, Pam mentioned that."
Archer
"- Wha...? When? - Well, she called a minute ago."
Archer
"Can't or won't?"
Archer
"I guess you'd have to break in."
Archer
"What is that about? Archer?"
Archer
"... reached the access door..."
Archer
"Cyril Figgis."
Archer
"- Well, what? - And this..."
Archer
"Cyril Figgis."
Archer
"Holy shit. Our security is atrocious."
Archer
"What? I made up the mole."
Archer
"What is it? - He's got an erection."
Archer
"- Make me. What?"
Archer
"- How could you know if we had a mole? - Um..."
Archer
"And who are you, Comrade Questions?"
Archer
"I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes."
Archer
"- Cyril, not now. - Yes, now."
Archer
"- I'm spying. - Or was it Mallorca? Oh."
Archer
"Pam, if you want some food that's supposed to be cream-filled..."
Archer
"hungry hippo."
Archer
"So thanks for nothing, Carol."
Archer
"- Hello? Hi, who's this?"
Archer
"Out of my mind. Oh, no."
Archer
"Oh, Pam's just full of crap as she is of carbohydrates."
Archer
"- I am always nice to her. - To her face."
Archer
"You and your erection."
Archer
"um, conducting a mole hunt."
Archer
"This is Four-Five-Six Laundry. Your shirts are ready... for a week."
Archer
"Oh, rea... After all that H.R. Mediation. Really?"
Archer
"Oh, ugly duckling."
Archer
"- It's Archer's fault I'm like this. - Here we go."
Archer
"- About your operations account... - Not..."
Archer
"because of Pam's huge mouth. Right, Pam?"
Archer
"- No. No. No. - Yes. Yes."
Archer
"- No. Cyril... - Yeah?"
Archer
"The second is sound sensitive. Anything above a whisper sets it off."
Archer
"How was I to know you're lactose intolerant?"
Archer
"Yeah, please keep talking."
Archer
"- Golf cart. - Whatever."
Archer
"And if you were half as smart as she was..."
Archer
"She wasn't too smart to die from eating chocolate, was she?"
Archer
"I have H.R. On speed dial. - Shut up."
Archer
"But, wait, it gets worse."
Archer
"- Yup. - After all the hard work Pam did."
Archer
"Oh, Krenshaw."
Archer
"because if you let me in the mainframe, I'll drop these doughnuts."
Archer
"- I also need you to go buy sand. - Yes, sir."
Archer
"Highly unprofessional."
Archer
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