Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Archer - Mole Hunt (S01E01)

"Besides the fact that now both of our shirts reek of curry."
Archer
"- And when will you settle your account? - When will you buy some dress shields?"
Archer
"Oh, God, with the curry again."
Archer
"This shirt smells like Indira Gandhi's thong."
Archer
"Oh, my God. You're amazing."
Archer
"Wanna do it again and put on some interracial porn?"
Archer
"God, it's like my brain's that tree, and you're those little cookie elves."
Archer
"Just a second."
Archer
"- No, baby, don't answer that. - I have to. Sorry, it's Mother."
Archer
"- What? - So don't speak to me, ever."
Archer
"- Not a good time. - You've got serious discrepancies..."
Archer
"in your account. - No, Cyril."
Archer
"I'm sure you wouldn't use operational funds for personal expenses."
Archer
"Not you, giant African man. I'm sorry. Can I offer you a drink?"
Archer
"That is a very serious implication, Cyril."
Archer
"Well, so is embezzlement."
Archer
"Yeah? Well, so is the fact that you, some crazy-how, are screwing my ex."
Archer
"You all know about Cyril and Lana, right?"
Archer
"H.R. Mediations are supposed to be confidential, Pam, you manatee."
Archer
"- And as for you, Cyril, good day, sir. - Archer."
Archer
"No, don't. You're so ugly when you cry."
Archer
"- Mr. Archer. - I'm fine."
Archer
"Is she in or out eating a baby?"
Archer
"- You stood me up again last night. - Last...?"
Archer
"Oh, yeah. Oh, my. What happened was..."
Archer
"It's Cheryl."
Archer
"- I'm ready. ...could you buzz me in?"
Archer
"Ugh. Is that all you have to say?"
Archer
"Yes."
Archer
"Now tell me again how..."
Archer
"No, not that part. Go back. Yes."
Archer
"The pepper. Oh, yes, God. Oh, God."
Archer
"Oh, goddamn it."
Archer
"What the hell are you doing?"
Archer
"What are you doing?"
Archer
"L... I'm..."
Archer
"For your information, I've just been reviewing your operations account."
Archer
"- Yes. Yes. - No. No."
Archer
"And it makes for fascinating reading."
Archer
"- No. - Let's see."
Archer
"You turned in an expense report from Berlin..."
Archer
"where the German desk says you never checked in."
Archer
"- Oh, Berlin was... - Ditto Buenos Aires."
Archer
"- Too busy to check in? - There was... Yeah."
Archer
"ISIS isn't your own personal travel agency."
Archer
"It doesn't exist just so you can jet off to Whore Island."
Archer
"That's not a real place."
Archer
"- Sterling. - Hm? Sorry. I was picturing Whore Island."
Archer
"Have I made myself clear?"
Archer
"Are you...? You're looking for the answer "yes"?"
Archer
"- Yes. Good. - Then, yes."
Archer
"Smells like a whorehouse in here."
Archer
"- Hm? - Nothing."
Archer
"So here's the thing."
Archer
"Now, we can do this easy or we can do it hard."
Archer
"Your call. No? Hard it is then."
Archer
"- Oh, God, sorry. Goddamn it, Archer."
Archer
"- I forgot that... Did I get you? What is wrong with you?"
Archer
"Me? Nothing. You, on the other hand, have a bullet inside you."
Archer
"- I see the foot's all better. - And I see you're still a hatchet-face prick."
Archer
"- Do you see that sign? - Do you see that sign?"
Archer
"- Well... - That's why. So we don't get ants."
Archer
"Because when your co-workers put food in the refrigerator..."
Archer
"I am dealing with the break room problem."
Archer
"Oh, good. You caught the... Oh, wait I had something for this."
Archer
"- The Pita Predator. - You know what?"
Archer
"Sorry. Let's just call it what it is."
Archer
"Yeah? - In exchange for a favor."
Archer
"- A favor? - Yeah."
Archer
"After how you treated me?"
Archer
"- Your ******* dolphin. She's tapping out."
Archer
"I had to get three stitches."
Archer
"- Three... - But I need your help, Pam, because I'm..."
Archer
"- Oh, is that what you want? Yup."
Archer
"- Because that's how you get ants. Yay."
Archer
"Cyril, my favorite section head."
Archer
"- What do you want? - To apologize for my behavior."
Archer
"- Guess what we call it. - Stir Friday?"
Archer
"- Wow, that's actually better. - Yup."
Archer
"- You know how Pam loves to gossip. - Yeah. I need rug marbles. I know."
Archer
"- Come let me into the mainframe. - Okay."
Archer
"- I need to confirm this with your mother. - No. No. I mean, what? Cyril."
Archer
"- What if she is the mole? Think about it. - Your own mother."
Archer
"- Archer. ...by stabbing her wrinkly neck..."
Archer
"with a knife? - Yeah. I can't let you in there."
Archer
"- Either? - And after I gave you Stir Friday."
Archer
"- That is much better. - I know."
Archer
"- But if you wanna access the mainframe... - What?"
Archer
"Break in to the ISIS mainframe."
Archer
"ISIS headquarters makes Fort Knox look like a gingerbread house."
Archer
"Only two means of ingress."
Archer
"The second, through an access door on the roof."
Archer
"Inside, there are three countermeasure systems."
Archer
"The first is pressure sensitive in the floor."
Archer
"So, obviously, it would be a lot easier for me..."
Archer
"- Ooh. That would make me uncomfortable. - Yeah."
Archer
"Just the tip."
Archer
"Because I kept screaming it."
Archer
"- I don't have access to security whatevers. - What?"
Archer
"- Then get them from Cyril. - How would I do that?"
Archer
"- Seduce him or Pam, or both. - I can't do that."
Archer
"- Can't or won't? - Either."
Archer
"That's how you wanna play it? Fine."
Archer
"- Are you gonna pay for your lunch? - Just the tip."
Archer
"Bock, bock."
Archer
"And if it gets ruined..."
Archer
"I'm gonna make you drink heavy cream, you..."
Archer
"Carol."
Archer
"Wow, that was actually pretty easy. Thanks, new turtleneck."
Archer
"Jesus, what else could go wrong?"
Archer
"Agent Kane. What?"
Archer
"Yes, confirmed."
Archer
"- Cyril, there's been a break-in at ISIS. - What?"
Archer
"Okay. I've got to go."
Archer
"- But it's Stir Friday. - Hurray."
Archer
"Because after three months of whatever it is we're doing..."
Archer
"- I know I have trust issues, all right? - But it's..."
Archer
"- All of those years of lying and cheating. - It's fine."
Archer
"That thing with the mayonnaise."
Archer
"- How messed up he is about his mother. - Fine."
Archer
Show more clips