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Clips from The Office - Weight Loss (S05E05)

"Damn it. Come on!"
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"(THUMPING)"
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"KEVIN: Oh, my God."
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"DWIGHT: Come on, Bernard. MICHAEL: Here we go."
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"ANDY: Move it. MICHAEL: Everybody on."
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"DWIGHT: All right, we're set."
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"You lost one pound."
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"I don't know what those other fools were doing,"
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"Angela, you'll go to the supermarket"
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"and get the New York cheesecake."
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"Make sure it's the generic one."
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"It's Stanley's favorite."
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"I guess I was just in the right place at the right time."
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"How's it going?"
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"It's going well. MICHAEL: Good."
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"I have a crazy idea."
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"What if we did fruit instead of cake?"
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"Cake? Who suggested cake?"
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"We lost weight today. I think it's okay"
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"to reward ourselves once in a while."
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"What is wrong with these people?"
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"They have no willpower. I went..."
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"Does anyone have any idea"
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"what the number one cause of death is in this country?"
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"Shotgun weddings. That's not what that is."
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"Fright. Being scared to death."
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"No."
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"Obesity-caused illnesses. Obesity-caused illnesses."
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"MICHAEL: Thank you. Holly is right."
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"People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days."
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"This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow"
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"I would like to lose 65 pounds."
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"Yes! All right. Who else?"
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"Angela, can I put you down for 10 pounds?"
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"If you gain weight, you will die."
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"I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever."
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"Cryogenics. Beer me five."
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"MICHAEL: This is how we're going to do it."
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"That, plus Jim's 65,"
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"give us a very good chance at winning this thing."
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"All right, I'm taking off."
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"Booty call. No, just going to see Pam."
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"Maybe put up some shelves. Here. Wait a second."
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"You want more? No."
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""Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States."
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"(PAGER BUZZING)"
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"That is very important to me."
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"So, I have work to do. Just do it."
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"Sweetheart,"
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"just so you know, I don't care where we get married."
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"I'll marry you right here in this building."
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"I'll marry you in the parking lot."
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"I'll marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snow storm"
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"I know I haven't made this easy on you."
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"Hi. Hi."
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"Oh. So rude of me. Have you seen Pam's new art?"
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"(CAMERAMAN SIGHING)"
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"Some girl came into Pam's room"
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"So I'm in here waiting it out."
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"Why not, dawg?"
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"Taste changed. Now all I like is baklava."
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"Michael, we have a situation!"
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"Oh, hey, could I have a rain check on the mini-golf?"
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"I actually have a date tonight."
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"(STAMMERS)"
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"I think you'll have fun because men from Scranton are handsome"
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"and they know how to show a woman a good time."
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"He was not so handsome."
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"Why don't you just take off early?"
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"Really? Yeah."
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"That's sweet."
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"HOLLY: Hey."
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"MICHAEL: Okay, everybody."
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"Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit?"
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"And what is that?"
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"Cake."
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"if we are going to win this thing."
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"Happy birthday, Stanley!"
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"But the good news is that all the other branches"
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"are doing just as bad as we are,"
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"so corporate upped the prize to five days."
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"So if we stay fat long enough,"
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"It's just some of us are taking this really seriously."
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"I swallowed a tapeworm last night."
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"and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat."
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"And then after three months, I take some medicine and then I pass it."
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"How's my favorite branch doing?"
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"All right."
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"that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency"
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"and I told them, "I will pay you any amount. Just give me Ryan Howard."
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""Give him to me. I want him. I need him.""
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"And you got a goatee."
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"I did."
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"Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine?"
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"Yes. Goatee!"
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"Fired guy!"
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"It's great to see you, Kev. You, too."
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"I'm keeping a list of everyone who wrongs me."
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"So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry."
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"Kevin just made the list."
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"than being the youngest VP in the company's history."
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"That's great."
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"You're talking about your court-ordered community service?"
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"But he did, right?"
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"Well, you lost zero pounds. No change."
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"Hey, you know what? I can't do this by myself, people!"
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"Kelly and I are the only ones who've either passed out or almost passed out!"
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"Damn it, I need these five days"
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"for my honeymoon! Who is slacking?"
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"Okay, let's just all try and work harder, okay?"
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"No! I want names!"
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"I haven't had a very hard life."
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"So how was your date?"
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"But he's cute, right?"
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"(GROANS)"
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"What's wrong?"
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"Mmm..."
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"Close the door."
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"This is your fault. No."
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