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Clips from The Office - Weight Loss (S05E05)

"See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society,"
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"How do you know Michael Klump?"
The Office
"Michael Klump is a celebration of fat people."
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"I think of him as more like a monster."
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"Look at the outside of this building."
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"Just like this unappealing fat suit."
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"I've been sitting all day."
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"We're doing this because of you."
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"Hey, hey, shaved?"
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"MALE PROFESSOR: So in the year 2000,"
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"PAM: Nice. Quiet, please."
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"Why don't you have a seat? Let's all clap at Phyllis."
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"Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair."
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"Come on. Stand up on your chair. Stand up."
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"Stand up. Stand up. Somebody help her."
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"Here we go. Okay. I want you to look at her."
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"Everything. She's perfect."
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"and stop trying to kill yourself?"
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"Just spent two hours listening to Michael Klump."
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"I have a weird pain in my left side that I'm convinced is an ulcer."
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"My girlfriend lives in New York,"
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"(RAINFALL)"
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"Hey, Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee."
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"I am goatee-less. We are the goatee-less brothers."
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"Yep."
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"How was Friday night?"
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"But it's been three days and no call."
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"He'll call."
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"I do not. I do not say hi, Pam."
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"All right, listen, we're still good for this weekend, right?"
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"(CLICKING TONGUE)"
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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"But he'll call back, though."
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"Wait, could we have till the end of the day?"
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"Okay, that is fine."
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"Really? Yeah! I mean, it's a great song."
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"And you know what? The guys already know it,"
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"The guys?"
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"was available for our big day,"
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"I don't know if I want your old college a cappella group"
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"to be our wedding band."
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"Boner Champ, that's me,"
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"PAM: Hey, this is not halfway."
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"What are you doing?"
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"God! Where is Jim?"
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"Oh, really?"
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"Yeah?"
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"Oh, man, I really wanted to see them."
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"I love... I love Counting Crows."
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"Wow! Really? Yeah."
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"I want to buy them from you."
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"Yeah. Is that good?"
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"I don't want to hear moaning."
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"And I don't care what any stupid scale says,"
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"And you know what?"
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"All right, everybody, this is your last meal, so eat up."
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"(ALL CHEER)"
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"We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more."
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"a little weight loss contest between the branches."
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"What should we do with all these leftovers?"
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"I'm taking the dumplings for my wife."
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"No, no, no. This is your last meal."
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"There will be no leftovers."
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"There. Take those home to your wife."
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"Dwight! Dwight!"
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"Hit the scales, everybody."
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"Don't go breaking my scale."
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"I'm excited to lose weight for the wedding,"
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"Ex-squeeze me."
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"every Monday for the next seven Mondays."
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"Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each."
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"Really? Nothing?"
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"2,336 pounds."
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"but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose!"
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"Okay. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only."
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"JIM: Family only."
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"Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?"
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"Almost, Kevin."
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"AND Y: I'm totally going to slaughter at the weigh-in today."
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"was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke."
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"Really? Yeah."
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"Okay. Stanley, come on."
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"Oh, I forgot something in my car."
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"I'll see you guys up there."
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"All right."
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"STANLEY: I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons."
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"The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire."
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"Look at those biceps."
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"We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted."
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"And arch your back and slowly bring up your head."
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"Jimbo. Oh. They moved the shower."
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"No, I didn't."
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"You know why? (LAUGHS) Why?"
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"I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year."
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"Nice."
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"And that her butt refuses to quit."
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"Well, I tried."
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"You have to... You have to agree with me. That's insane."
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"I'll just go later. That's insane. I thought you had to pee."
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"Hey, if you're into yoga, I take a great Bikram class in Dickson City."
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"Also, and no pressure, the teacher, he's a catch."
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"Actually, I'm a lesbian."
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"I'm gay."
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"I'm not a lesbian."
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"I don't know why I said that. Stupid joke."
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"What's the joke?"
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"No, there is no joke."
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"and I'm not really looking to date,"
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"You think it's a choice?"
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"Okay, bye. Okay."
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"So you have the directions? Yeah."
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"You have a toothbrush? Yes."
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"Tomorrow, I start a three-month design program"
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"at the Pratt Institute in New York."
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"What up, two-one-two?"
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"Come on, man. She goes to New York in, like, 10 minutes."
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"It's not going to take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim."
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"If I don't see you again, goodbye."
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"So never mind."
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"Ang... ela."
The Office
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