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Clips from Futurama (1999) - Comedy (S07E07)

He beats me out for every award,

"He beats me out for every award,"

Futurama (1999)

Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself.

"Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself."

Futurama (1999)

And we want to help you.

"And we want to help you."

Futurama (1999)

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene.

"Now, your only chance is a classic death scene."

Futurama (1999)

One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's."

"One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's.""

Futurama (1999)

Voilá. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T.

"Voilá. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T."

Futurama (1999)

That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

"That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare."

Futurama (1999)

Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself.

"Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself."

Futurama (1999)

Food coloring?

"Food coloring?"

Futurama (1999)

The most poisonous substance known to robots?

"The most poisonous substance known to robots?"

Futurama (1999)

Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid.

"Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid."

Futurama (1999)

No. Wait.

"No. Wait."

Futurama (1999)

There's only one way to ensure victory.

"There's only one way to ensure victory."

Futurama (1999)

I must perform the ultimate death scene.

"I must perform the ultimate death scene."

Futurama (1999)

I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

"I shall drink the actual poison and actually die."

Futurama (1999)

But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself.

"But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself."

Futurama (1999)

I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

"I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want."

Futurama (1999)

Comedy.

"Comedy."

Futurama (1999)

It's tragedy. Langdon Cobb will be first to take the stage.

"It's tragedy. Langdon Cobb will be first to take the stage."

Futurama (1999)

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky.

"Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky."

Futurama (1999)

I always come in stinky.

"I always come in stinky."

Futurama (1999)

Stand by. The competition's about to begin.

"Stand by. The competition's about to begin."

Futurama (1999)

Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego.

"Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego."

Futurama (1999)

Roger. Stinky over.

"Roger. Stinky over."

Futurama (1999)

Whoof! I beg to differ.

"Whoof! I beg to differ."

Futurama (1999)

I wish it had been me, Sully.

"I wish it had been me, Sully."

Futurama (1999)

I wish it had been me off-duty in the Garden

"I wish it had been me off-duty in the Garden"

Futurama (1999)

when those drug lords blew up the Celtics.

"when those drug lords blew up the Celtics."

Futurama (1999)

But I was drunk, wicked drunk.

"But I was drunk, wicked drunk."

Futurama (1999)

Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies.

"Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies."

Futurama (1999)

The audience is eating it up. Professor, what's your status?

"The audience is eating it up. Professor, what's your status?"

Futurama (1999)

Not good.

"Not good."

Futurama (1999)

The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego.

"The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego."

Futurama (1999)

It's going totally Kanye.

"It's going totally Kanye."

Futurama (1999)

Wow!

"Wow!"

Futurama (1999)

There's a humungous fungus among us.

"There's a humungous fungus among us."

Futurama (1999)

Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had,

"Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had,"

Futurama (1999)

both on the beat

"both on the beat"

Futurama (1999)

and in the sack.

"and in the sack."

Futurama (1999)

That's right, I said it.

"That's right, I said it."

Futurama (1999)

I said it.

"I said it."

Futurama (1999)

A tough act to follow.

"A tough act to follow."

Futurama (1999)

And now, to follow that act,

"And now, to follow that act,"

Futurama (1999)

performing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet,

"performing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet,"

Futurama (1999)

seven-time Oscar runner-up, Calculon !

"seven-time Oscar runner-up, Calculon !"

Futurama (1999)

Ah, dear Juliet,

"Ah, dear Juliet,"

Futurama (1999)

why art thou yet so fair?

"why art thou yet so fair?"

Futurama (1999)

I will stay with thee

"I will stay with thee"

Futurama (1999)

and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

"and never from this palace of dim night depart again."

Futurama (1999)

Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest

"Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest"

Futurama (1999)

and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh.

"and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh."

Futurama (1999)

Eyes, look your last.

"Eyes, look your last."

Futurama (1999)

Arms, take your last embrace.

"Arms, take your last embrace."

Futurama (1999)

And lips, oh, you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss.

"And lips, oh, you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss."

Futurama (1999)

Here's to my love.

"Here's to my love."

Futurama (1999)

I can't believe he really did it.

"I can't believe he really did it."

Futurama (1999)

At least he died knowing I was great.

"At least he died knowing I was great."

Futurama (1999)

Uh-oh.

"Uh-oh."

Futurama (1999)

That death scene was almost half believable.

"That death scene was almost half believable."

Futurama (1999)

Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing?

"Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing?"

Futurama (1999)

It's shrinking. Faster, Professor, kill, kill.

"It's shrinking. Faster, Professor, kill, kill."

Futurama (1999)

Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars,

"Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars,"

Futurama (1999)

The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world,

"The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world,"

Futurama (1999)

Langdon Cobb!

"Langdon Cobb!"

Futurama (1999)

Huh.

"Huh."

Futurama (1999)

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thanks."

Futurama (1999)

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration.

"Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration."

Futurama (1999)

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now.

"That ego must be at least four feet tall by now."

Futurama (1999)

Ow! Oh !

"Ow! Oh !"

Futurama (1999)

I can't watch. I better take some pictures.

"I can't watch. I better take some pictures."

Futurama (1999)

Wait a minute.

"Wait a minute."

Futurama (1999)

When living creatures look at Cobb's photo,

"When living creatures look at Cobb's photo,"

Futurama (1999)

their life force gets sucked out.

"their life force gets sucked out."

Futurama (1999)

I just need to show him a picture of himself.

"I just need to show him a picture of himself."

Futurama (1999)

But I tore up the only picture of Cobb.

"But I tore up the only picture of Cobb."

Futurama (1999)

And everybody knows,

"And everybody knows,"

Futurama (1999)

once you delete a photo, it's gone forever.

"once you delete a photo, it's gone forever."

Futurama (1999)

Maybe a digital photo,

"Maybe a digital photo,"

Futurama (1999)

but with film, I still have the negative.

"but with film, I still have the negative."

Futurama (1999)

Hurry, make a new print.

"Hurry, make a new print."

Futurama (1999)

I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego.

"I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego."

Futurama (1999)

Okay. I'll be in the darkroom.

"Okay. I'll be in the darkroom."

Futurama (1999)

Eh. . . Contrast is a little off on this one.

"Eh. . . Contrast is a little off on this one."

Futurama (1999)

Bender, hurry up!

"Bender, hurry up!"

Futurama (1999)

This one is really good.

"This one is really good."

Futurama (1999)

But I can still do better.

"But I can still do better."

Futurama (1999)

Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego?

"Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego?"

Futurama (1999)

You stole our friends' life forces.

"You stole our friends' life forces."

Futurama (1999)

You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

"You see, I was once like the rest of my species,"

Futurama (1999)

showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on.

"showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on."

Futurama (1999)

But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey.

"But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey."

Futurama (1999)

Explain. Oh !

"Explain. Oh !"

Futurama (1999)

You Earthlings worship celebrity with such fervor

"You Earthlings worship celebrity with such fervor"

Futurama (1999)

that I can survive simply by milking your admiration.

"that I can survive simply by milking your admiration."

Futurama (1999)

Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process."

"Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process.""

Futurama (1999)

Oh, God, just kill us already.

"Oh, God, just kill us already."

Futurama (1999)

But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay.

"But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay."

Futurama (1999)

Look at me! If we do,

"Look at me! If we do,"

Futurama (1999)

will you stop talking about the process?

"will you stop talking about the process?"

Futurama (1999)

Never. Behold !

"Never. Behold !"

Futurama (1999)

I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg.

"I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg."

Futurama (1999)

Oops!

"Oops!"

Futurama (1999)

Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

"Nonetheless, I finally nailed it."

Futurama (1999)

and start squirting out some soul-arrhea.

"and start squirting out some soul-arrhea."

Futurama (1999)

lt doesn't work that way, you imbecile.

"lt doesn't work that way, you imbecile."

Futurama (1999)

Although it's really quite a nice portrait.

"Although it's really quite a nice portrait."

Futurama (1999)

The contrast is exquisite.

"The contrast is exquisite."

Futurama (1999)

And the composition sublime.

"And the composition sublime."

Futurama (1999)

I look spectacular.

"I look spectacular."

Futurama (1999)

Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

"Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger."

Futurama (1999)

No. No!

"No. No!"

Futurama (1999)

Oh !

"Oh !"

Futurama (1999)

Hey, Calculon's dead.

"Hey, Calculon's dead."

Futurama (1999)

What happened? Did you save us, Leela?

"What happened? Did you save us, Leela?"

Futurama (1999)

Actually, no. For once, it was Bender.

"Actually, no. For once, it was Bender."

Futurama (1999)

Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender.

"Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender."

Futurama (1999)

lt was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back.

"lt was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back."

Futurama (1999)

so we can commemorate this moment in a photo.

"so we can commemorate this moment in a photo."

Futurama (1999)

I got to admit,

"I got to admit,"

Futurama (1999)

this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture.

"this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture."

Futurama (1999)

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