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Clips from South Park - Pip (S04E04)

"What are you doing with those?"
South Park
"I'm an apprentice blacksmith."
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"Here, why are you so easy to help me?"
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"Well, it's not for me to judge you, sir. We are all the same."
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"Don't quite all smell the same, though, I'm afraid."
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"Pip, where have you been?"
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"Lovely day, isn't it?"
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"What the hell's lovely about it? Joe, teach this boy some bloody cynicism."
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"I don't know about that. I just thought I'd keep to me blacksmithing."
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"Why don't you make us some bloody food to eat?"
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"All right. Look, here, I made me a metal orange."
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"And you, why don't you get a job? You're eight years old now."
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"Oh, looky here. I've gone and made a metal newspaper."
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"and see if we can find Pip a job."
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"Oh. Look here, "Young man wanted for paid position.""
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"- Where? - Where?"
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"- "Will pay up to 20 quid a day"? - That's a lot of money-woney."
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"You could keep a little girl company for 20 quid a day, Pip."
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"And our old Mrs. Havesham is the wealthiest woman in the town."
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"Well, the very next day Pip went to old Miss Havesham's house"
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"to inquire about the job,"
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"and it was there that he met the girl of his dreams."
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"Who are you?"
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"- What? - This way, you pathetic squirt"
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"of vaginal discharge."
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"I'm not going in there, you stupid puddle of a homeless man's urine."
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"Who is that?"
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"And I have a fancy I should like to see someone play."
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"So play. Play."
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"Estella, play with this boy."
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"- With him? But he's just a commoner. - But you can break his heart."
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"We're going to play a little game called"
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"smack the blond boy in the head with a large log."
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"Oh, yes. My sister and I play that game at home all the time. Who will go first?"
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"- What do you think of her? - Well, I... I think she's very pretty."
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"- What else? - I think she's rather insulting."
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"We shall play some more."
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"That night, Pip spent all his sleeping hours"
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"unable to get Estella's beautiful face out of his mind."
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"Stop dreaming about me, you slow-witted rectal belch."
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"Sometimes they would talk. But every single day, Pip's love for Estella grew."
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"Boy, do you still think I'm pretty?"
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"Oh, well, yes, miss."
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"And do you still think I'm insulting?"
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"Oh. Not so much as before."
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"- Oh, dear. - You may kiss me, if you like."
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"Come, let us walk in the daisy garden."
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"Oh, what fun it is to splash about in a fountain."
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"You, there. The prowling little boy."
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"- Who is that? - Just another playmate"
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"hired to amuse me. You didn't think you were the only one, did you?"
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"Oh, you silly, small-testicled boy. Come, let us walk through the rose garden."
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"Well, what a spot poor Pip was in. He was hired to be the friend"
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"And although she treated him like dirt,"
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"or perhaps because she treated him like dirt,"
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"But isn't it sad? Because Pip knew that someone"
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"as sophisticated and as wealthy as Estella could never love him,"
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"for he was just a simple blacksmith's apprentice."
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"And bang on that side. And there you have it."
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"- Your very own metal fuzzy dice. - Yes, I see. Lovely."
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"- Here, what's all this, Pip? - Joe, do you know anything about girls?"
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"But do you know anything about them? About how they work?"
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"Do you think that a girl who is rich and educated would ever want to be"
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"- With a blacksmith? - Oh."
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"No, I don't think so, Pip."
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"- Who could that be? - Joe the blacksmith?"
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"The same."
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"to offer you a reasonable sum of money in exchange for your apprentice."
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"- Oh, well, Pip's not for sale, sir. - I have a client who wishes to give"
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"this bright child a future, anything he desires. Do you still object?"
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"Heaven forbid I should stand in the way of Pip's future, but..."
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"- To London and learn to be a gentleman. - That's great news."
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"Your benefactor wishes to remain anonymous."
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"of who that person might be, you are to keep it in your own breast, understood?"
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"- Yes, sir. - Then you will go to London"
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"Here's 20 sovereigns. Well, blacksmith, you look stunned."
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"I am, sir."
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"Then I shall take my leave. Good evening, gentlemen."
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"And we shall see you in London next week, Pip."
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"He is a distinguished young lad"
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"Pray come in."
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"Thank you kindly. You look rather familiar."
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"As to our lodging, it's not by any means splendid."
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"But dear me, I beg your pardon. You're holding your bags all this time."
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"Pray, let me take them. I am quite ashamed."
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"Oh, it's quite all right."
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"Lord, bless me. Why you're the pale young gentleman"
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"You're the prowling little boy. Well, what a smashing coincidence."
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"- She's absolutely mad. - What do you mean?"
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"Well, don't you know about Miss Havesham's melancholy past?"
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"Dear me, it's quite a story and shall be discussed over dinner. Come."
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"Pocket, might I ask you a favour?"
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"for the love of a certain girl."
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"So would you please tell me if I do something wrong"
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"- At the table? - You'll do fine, dear fellow, just fine."
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"Now, on to Miss Havesham. She was raised by a wealthy father"
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"And now I might mention, Pip, that in London"
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"it's not the custom to put the knife in the mouth."
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"Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry."
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"Not at all, I'm sure. Anyway, Miss Havesham"
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"Which gets me to the cruel part of the story. Merely breaking off, my dear Pip,"
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"- Sorry, sorry. - Not at all, I'm sure."
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"the wedding dresses bought, the wedding guests all invited."
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"And finally the day came, but not the groom."
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"And I break from the tale now only to mention that one should never pass gas"
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"- At the dinner table. - Oh, excuse me."
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"Not at all, I'm sure."
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"So the groom never showed. He simply wrote a letter,"
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"At half nine, the time where she stopped all the clocks in the house."
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"But afterwards, she laid waste to the entire house,"
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"as you have seen it, and has never since looked upon the light of day."
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"pull out their wee-wee and check it for scabs whilst at the table."
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"He was schooled in several languages."
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"He was taught fencing and marksmanship,"
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"Pip was finally a full-fledged gentleman."
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"to thank her for her generosity"
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"- Good evening, Miss Havesham. - Come closer, Pip."
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"My, you're quite the gentleman now, aren't you?"
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"- Thanks to you. - Perhaps."
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"I don't know. I mean, I think about her every day."
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