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Clips from The Simpsons - Hardly Kirk-ing (S24E24)

"If I buy you, why do I need all these books?"
The Simpsons
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"
The Simpsons
"Instead of watching TV, we can read children's books"
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""Let's have a sloppy, gloppy supper.""
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"First, they slurped their soup."
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"Then they chewed their bread."
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"Chew, chew, chew."
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"More soup?"
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"Slurp, slurp..."
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"Boy, you're pretty pushy for a book I just met."
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"Gotcha."
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"Candy cane in the umbrella stand:"
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"Okay, let's see."
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"If they're not a trumpet or a rolling pin, then no."
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"Yip!"
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"Homie, help me find them."
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"to the real world."
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"I couldn't get through a day without"
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"Don't worry, I'll clean it up."
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"Don't worry, all I need is a cigarette lighter"
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"and some sandpaper."
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"You look just like your dad."
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"I always wanted to wear a necktie."
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"Now sing the alphabet song."
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"♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O..."
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"Whoa, that's a little too tight."
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"Nah, back to the sweet spot."
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"Milhouse,"
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"if people believe you're a grown-up, we can do anything."
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"Like we go to a movie theater and pay full price?"
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"Okay, first, tone it down."
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"Time to teach you to be a man."
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"And put the gas bill on auto-pay."
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"Nice."
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"Hello, Lisa. This is my daddy."
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"I mean, um, Kirk Van Houten."
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"May I speak to your father, please?"
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"He's right here."
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"Homer, Bart would like to spend the night at our house,"
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"and I disapprove of your fathering"
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"and of your fat stomach."
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"Oh, well, uh... sorry."
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"Give him anything he wants-- bigger allowance, a new bike--"
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"just do it."
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"Dad, why are you kowtowing to Mr. Van Houten?"
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"Sometimes it's just so nice to have a man take charge."
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"Dad."
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"Now, I want you to eat a gallon of ice cream"
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"in under two minutes."
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"But I just did that."
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"You now have one minute, 55 seconds."
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"Now you're the same height as your dad."
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"I can reach the poisons now,"
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"Kirk, you' wearing that shirt I bought you."
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"I love when you buy me clothes."
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"Oh, Kirk Evelyn Van Houten."
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"I wish my dad"
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"Ay, caramba!"
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"I crashed a truck."
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"I rented another truck."
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"Uh, I-I'd give you all my money,"
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"but my wallet is Velcroed too tight."
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"Hello, Mr. Kirk."
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"Polarized."
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"I suspect you are buying for underage bullies,"
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"but as that is 98% of my business,"
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"Your grown-man friend is all right."
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"We should start threatening more adults."
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"Wouldn't that make us criminals instead of bullies?"
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"Let's beat up a philosopher until he gives us the answer."
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"Oh, good idea. Yeah, I'm in."
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"I made my mom happy"
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"Now it's time for me to live my fantasy"
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"with mature themes."
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"This is a municipal off-cycle election."
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"Don't forget your sticker."
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"Uh, hey, bartender."
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"We'd like two milks,"
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"and then you can tell us where babies come from."
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"I gestated for five years,"
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"Really?"
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"Good times."
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"we could take Maggie downtown."
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"Their trumpeter has the puffiest cheeks."
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"I get it. Middle child,"
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"never do what I want."
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"visited upon our people,"
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"of Kiev in 1132."
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"Maybe we should go."
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"Nobody leave till every puppet dead."
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"Just one sec. Nelson gave me"
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"some notes on a prank I'm doing."
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"Now, I asked you here because I know a cool grown-up"
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"who will take you to that club in the city."
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"Milhouse?"
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"I mean, he-he's my son."
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"Au contraire, starfish hair."
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"The Baby Poindexter Company is being forced to pay"
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"Then I will be your guys' dad."
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"Thanks, but lowering your voice and standing on paint cans"
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"doesn't make you man enough to be my dad."
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"Homer, that's for children."
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"Where does it say that?"
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"Highlights for... D'oh!"
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"Leave it to me."
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"Earring. Oh."
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"Thimble from Monopoly game."
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"Wondered where that was."
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"$25 casino chip. Oh."
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"Now what are you doing?"
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"Licking the wrapper."
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"Um, as adults, what do we do now?"
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"If you like."
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"Now, remember, I can't sit backwards"
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"or I get sick."
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"Well, if I look at your face, I get sick."
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"My adulthood!"
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"but that is conduct unbecoming of a bus station."
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"Where'd your babies go?"
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"Your intellect-deadening DVDs"
The Simpsons
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