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Clips from Family Guy - Death Has a Shadow (S01E01)

"Stewie, I said no toys at the table."
Family Guy
"You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb."
Family Guy
"Don't pout, honey. When you were born..."
Family Guy
"...the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen."
Family Guy
"But, of course. That was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans..."
Family Guy
"...to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille! Return the device, woman!"
Family Guy
"No toys, Stewie."
Family Guy
"Mark my words, when you least expect it, your uppance will come!"
Family Guy
"Come on. This thing goes up to 90."
Family Guy
"Who touched the thermostat?"
Family Guy
"God, how does he always know?"
Family Guy
"Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one."
Family Guy
"My thing went off! Your thermostat okay?"
Family Guy
"Forget it! False alarm!"
Family Guy
"Ass ahoy."
Family Guy
"Lois, I work hard all week to provide for this family."
Family Guy
"I am the man of the house."
Family Guy
"As the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party."
Family Guy
"Look, at least promise me you won't drink. Alcohol always leads to trouble."
Family Guy
"Come on. You're worrying about nothing."
Family Guy
"Remember when you got drunk off the Communion wine at church?"
Family Guy
"And so the Lord God smote poor Job..."
Family Guy
"Man, I hate it when he tells this story."
Family Guy
"Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity."
Family Guy
"- Is that really the blood of Christ? - Yes."
Family Guy
"Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day."
Family Guy
"Butter Rum's my favorite."
Family Guy
"Remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?"
Family Guy
"I got it. That's the guy from Big. Tom Hanks, that's it."
Family Guy
"I have AIDS."
Family Guy
"- Promise me, Peter. - Lois, honey, I promise."
Family Guy
"Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch these lips tonight."
Family Guy
"Another beer!"
Family Guy
"I'm going for the high score!"
Family Guy
"Actually, Charlie's got the high score."
Family Guy
"I feel kind of bad, guys. I promised my wife I wouldn't drink."
Family Guy
"- Don't feel bad, Peter. - Gee. I never thought of it like that."
Family Guy
"Did you bring the porno?"
Family Guy
"Did I bring the porno? You're gonna love it. It's a classic."
Family Guy
"But soon, and for the rest of your life."
Family Guy
"Come on, llsa! Get on it!"
Family Guy
"The statue was a gift from France."
Family Guy
"What is this?"
Family Guy
"Man. My kid must've taped over this for history class."
Family Guy
"The Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do?"
Family Guy
"- Boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot. - That's just crazy enough to work."
Family Guy
"- Chris, elbows off your father. - Thanks, son."
Family Guy
"37 beers. You're setting a great example for the kids, Peter."
Family Guy
"Yeah. A new family record. Way to raise the bar, Dad."
Family Guy
"Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that."
Family Guy
"Kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty..."
Family Guy
"...would take her clothes off."
Family Guy
"- What did you promise me last night? - I wouldn't drink at the stag party."
Family Guy
"- And what did you do? - Drank at the stag..."
Family Guy
"I almost walked right into that one. God!"
Family Guy
"Feels like accountants are cranking adding machines in my head."
Family Guy
"Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls?"
Family Guy
"That's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work."
Family Guy
"Okay."
Family Guy
"You see? A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean..."
Family Guy
"Mom, are you all right?"
Family Guy
"My goodness. This chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly?"
Family Guy
"Damn!"
Family Guy
"Honey. I took a cab home, I slept on the table..."
Family Guy
"...so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happened."
Family Guy
"I guess you're right."
Family Guy
"Apology accepted. All right, I'm going to work."
Family Guy
"Somebody's gotta put food on this table."
Family Guy
"How are you coming, Johnson?"
Family Guy
"Mr. Weed, I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line."
Family Guy
"And as you can see, they look great."
Family Guy
"You call these bagels?"
Family Guy
"No. There's a bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate him."
Family Guy
"Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here."
Family Guy
"It's your job to watch for toys that could be hazardous to kids."
Family Guy
"- Now, look sharp! - Yes, sir!"
Family Guy
"And now back to Action News 5. Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack.""
Family Guy
"Quite a situation we've got here, Tom."
Family Guy
"Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane."
Family Guy
"The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company of Quahog, Rhode Island..."
Family Guy
"...has released highly unsafe products into the retail market."
Family Guy
"Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!"
Family Guy
"Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out."
Family Guy
"Peter, I'm appalled."
Family Guy
"You're fired!"
Family Guy
"Jeez. For how long?"
Family Guy
"My God! You got fired?"
Family Guy
"Don't worry. I'll still put food on this table."
Family Guy
"Just not as much. So it might get a little competitive."
Family Guy
"Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!"
Family Guy
"If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's gonna blame me!"
Family Guy
"Lie to her. It's okay to lie to women. They're not people like us."
Family Guy
"I don't know. Hey, where's the other guy?"
Family Guy
"Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work."
Family Guy
"Look, I don't want your mom to worry, all right?"
Family Guy
"When she worries, she says, "I told you so" and:"
Family Guy
""Stop doing that. I'm asleep." So I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay?"
Family Guy
"What's that, Peter?"
Family Guy
"- Nothing. The lost-my-job smells great. - What?"
Family Guy
"Meg, honey, can you pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?"
Family Guy
"Peter, are you feeling okay?"
Family Guy
"I know you all hate eggplant, but..."
Family Guy
"What on earth was that?"
Family Guy
"What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish..."
Family Guy
"...and nothing else."
Family Guy
"How's your job search going?"
Family Guy
"It sucks, Brian. I've already been through two jobs this week."
Family Guy
"I got fired off of that commercial."
Family Guy
"I thought I could win money in that talent show."
Family Guy
"And the prize goes to The von Trapp Family Singers!"
Family Guy
"That is bull..."
Family Guy
"Peter, I know it's a dangerous precedent..."
Family Guy
"What? That I can't provide for my family? That she's always right?"
Family Guy
"That I didn't stand up to a tank in Tiananmen Square?"
Family Guy
"Screw this! I just came over to buy some fireworks!"
Family Guy
"You can't keep lying to her about losing your job."
Family Guy
"Yeah."
Family Guy
"Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell her tonight."
Family Guy
"Victory is mine!"
Family Guy
"I'm going to Stop 'N Shop for some sweet corn."
Family Guy
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