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Clips from The Simpsons - Thursdays with Abie (S21E21)

"(chuckles)"
The Simpsons
"(beeps)"
The Simpsons
"(dog barking)"
The Simpsons
"(growling) That's it, boy! Go for the nards!"
The Simpsons
"If you're not gonna take care of him right,"
The Simpsons
"then give him to me."
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"How come you don't get mad when I torment real animals?"
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"I do! It enrages me!"
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"I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody."
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"I'm a freaking Buddhist!"
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"A Buddhist!"
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"Larry, please don't judge our whole family by Bart."
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"He's the black sheep."
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"are in any way inferior to white sheep."
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"I do not judge wool by its color--"
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"only by how itchy it is."
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"(chuckles) Ooh, look!"
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"Jazz!"
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"Larry, what sub-genre of jazz do you like?"
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"Fusion? Neo-bop?"
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"Afro-Cuban?"
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"(gasps)"
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"(water splashing)"
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"Larry? Oh, Larry?"
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"Larry?"
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"Larry?!"
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"That's how I got my idea for a suitcase with wheels,"
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"from watching a commercial about a suitcase with wheels."
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"(all sigh)"
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"Hey, Abe,"
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"I'm Mitch Albom, author of Tuesdays with Morrie."
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"Never heard of you."
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"Yeah. Sure you haven't."
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"Take a hike, Hollywood."
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"I've already got a college boy"
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"to turn my every word into syndicated gold."
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"And what if I don't?"
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"(grumbling)"
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"Clouds are God's sneezes."
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"Ooh, I like this kid."
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"(humming)"
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"Oh, Dad, I got you some Scotch."
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"One of those fancy ones"
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"the checkout lady had to unlock the cabinet to get."
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"Well, well, well,"
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"look who decided to visit me twice in one year."
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"This man's more of a son to me than you've ever been."
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"What the...?!"
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"I don't think that's true."
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"You only care about me now because I'm famous."
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"That's it."
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"Here's your ring back."
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"Ring? What ring?"
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"It's a father-son commitment band"
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"that I bought and never told you about."
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"(sobbing)"
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"And now I'm telling you."
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"Okay, I need the stupid lamb back."
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"He's in here, safe and sound."
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"Let me just staple that bag for you."
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"(panting)"
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"Hmm."
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"This isn't Larry."
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"It's just cotton balls on toilet paper rolls."
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"Where's the real Larry?"
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"Well, what do you care?"
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"You don't even like him."
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"Of course I don't, but other people do."
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"Hey, Bart, can't wait to see Larry again."
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"Um, what if someone were to lose Larry?"
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"They'd see a dark side of me no one knows about."
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"* Little lamb, little lamb *"
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"* Nelson loved a little lamb *"
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"* He kept me nice and sane. *"
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"(beep)"
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"ABE: You've reached Abe."
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"MARSHALL: And Marshall."
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"ABE: And if this is Homer, you're too late for my love."
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"(beep)"
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"I try to end the cycle of neglect,"
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"and he hits me with some super neglect."
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"Maybe you're not really mad at Grampa."
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"Maybe you're mad at yourself"
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"Marge, how can anyone be mad at himself?"
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"It's impossible. Watch."
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"Why, you little..."
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"(gasps) Oh, I can't."
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"When I look at those beautiful chubby cheeks."
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"Come here, you."
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"Ow!"
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"Oh. No, no, don't-don't look hurt."
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"Okay. It's okay."
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"It's okay."
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"I'll show Grampa."
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"I'll find my own surrogate father"
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"full of heart-warming stories I can share with the world."
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"And that's how you win an opium war."
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"Oh, great stuff."
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"And the life lesson is?"
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"The Yangtze River swallows all secrets."
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"Hmm."
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"I'm just gonna put "Haste makes waste.""
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"Yes, although, these days, I can make neither haste nor waste."
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"You know, Simpson,"
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"this has truly been a lovely afternoon."
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"He thinks he's a pack."
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"(barking) (yells)"
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"Where'd you get this rope?"
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"Swiped it from gym class."
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"Climb that rope!"
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"There is no rope."
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"Well, you better get to the ceiling somehow!"
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"(panting)"
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"Ceiling, ceiling, ceiling! (grunts)"
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"(groaning)"
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"Bart, I'm losing my grip."
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"Put the rope in your teeth."
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"What will that do?"
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"Hmm."
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"Larry?"
The Simpsons
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