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Clips from Veep - Judge (S06E06)

""Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.""
Veep
"That... that show closed years ago."
Veep
"Hold for the congressman. I have another offer coming."
Veep
"No, wait! Jonah, I will give you the questions in advance."
Veep
"Fuck!"
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"Four tickets to "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark"?"
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"No problemo. It'll be right after the interview."
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"- Best seats in the house. - Shit! Give... no, no. Hey, Jonah."
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"Jonah, hang up on him. Greg is basic cable..."
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"Oh, no, they're from Costco."
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"Look, Jonah, just tell me what you want."
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"I want you and I to party like we did"
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"back when we were best friends."
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"Uh, when ex... uh... yes."
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"You said on-air that Bruce Hornsby was a member of the Grateful Dead."
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"He was a touring member from '90 to '92. He never officially joined."
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"I wonder if we should get married in the fall or at New Year's."
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"- Oh, I always thought... - I was talking to my father."
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"Ma'am, will you be okay with Congressman Ryan?"
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"- Alone? - She'll... what? She'll be fine!"
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"Actually, why don't you stay, Candi?"
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"- Why would you say you wouldn't? - Because I wouldn't!"
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"I think maybe your people should come in, too."
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"- Gentlemen! - What did he do, ma'am?"
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"Nothing! I didn't do anything!"
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"Well, he threatened to not rape the president."
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"Yeah, that's not a threat, that's a promise."
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"Okay, Congressman,"
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"first of all, let me congratulate you."
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"than most extremely stupid people do in a lifetime."
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"- That's very kind of you to say, ma'am. - Shut the fuck up."
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"Tell Tanz he can have his deregulation"
Veep
"of the payday loan industry,"
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"tripling of the private prison tax incentives..."
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"Nice."
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"and the sentencing reform rollbacks for the mentally ill."
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"I cannot do that."
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"That is an impossible request."
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"- He's not Jewish yet, ma'am. - Yeah, but I only have two months left"
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"- Wow. - And as an almost-Jew,"
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"I will not stand by with this anti-almost-Semitism."
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"- The fuck is that? - Wow! Okay."
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"- What is this crystal? - I know!"
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"It's Vintage Baccarat."
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"- It's really gorgeous. - Selina."
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"- Hi. - Yeah."
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"- So, I just heard back from Quartie. - Right, and?"
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"- He was intrigued but reluctant. - Oh!"
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"Are you kidding me? Me?"
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"Well, like Eva Gabor in "Green Acres.""
Veep
"You had "Green Acres" in Qatar?"
Veep
"Oh, yes, but they censored all the scenes with Arnold Ziffel."
Veep
"You know, I'm technically from the South."
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"They just didn't secede."
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"- So, they had it both ways? - Like Gary's dad."
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"You know what, Gary?"
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"Can we invite Quartie to your party?"
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"- Ooh, that's a good idea. - Give the good ol' boy a good ol' time?"
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"It's kind of a sit-down dinner, so."
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"- Yeah, but, I mean... - Who cares?"
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"- Great! - Okay!"
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"I'll show that oil-splatted cow-fucker"
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"that I'm open-minded and nonjudgmental."
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"Hey, Gary?"
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"I'm wondering if a sit-down dinner is a little stuffy these days."
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"What? No."
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"- Well... - Maybe."
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"I wanna look at the menu."
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"And I gotta say I'm not sure this crystal is right."
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"- But not in a good way. - Oh."
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"- Yeah, let's get rid of it. - Oh."
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"But make a mental note of exactly what this pattern is"
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"had gone to the polls instead of smoking off-brand cigarettes"
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"off-brand cigarettes through their neck holes at riverboat casino slot machines,"
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"instead of hunting for your diary at a fucking truck stop"
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"in which I guarantee we are the only people who are not here"
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"to score speed or get their assholes licked."
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"Well, after I ate, I went right to the bathroom"
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"- Whenever I drink coffee, usually... - I do not need details!"
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"Okay, let's see here."
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"Ha ha!"
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"- Bingo! - Oh, God, thank you!"
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"Got it. My jacket."
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"- And? - And what?"
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"It's not urine, okay? It's probably just water from the urinal."
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"- Let's go. - Hang on."
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"God, Jesus! I can tell you that the diary is not in your ass crack"
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"because I have had a very good view"
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"of the strawberry fields for the last hour."
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"When I went through security at Dulles, I..."
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"Maybe the diary's there."
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"Okay, now we're going to Dulles."
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"- Can we get a quick stack of pancakes? - No!"
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"I was thinking a smoky bronze eye."
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"Okay, yeah, good."
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"Well, well, look at you..."
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"big-shot Washington insider"
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"making like an Avon lady."
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"- Well, the president... - Don't interrupt me, boy!"
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"Smoky bronze eye?"
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"God, don't you know that woman needs a pop of color?"
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"You can't let your father talk to you like that."
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"He's always interrupting you and insulting you."
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"You're absolutely right. I've got to..."
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"You have to stand up for yourself, stupid."
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"I'm gonna tell you something that I haven't told anybody but Mama."
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"Dear Lord."
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"When I was a kid, I was a bit of a tomboy, okay?"
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"What?"
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"All I wanted to do was go hunting with Judge, that's it."
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"- and all this kind of stuff. - Yeah, I think you need to..."
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"But then on my 10th birthday,"
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"And then all of a sudden, this squirrel just popped out."
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"Wow! I squeezed my eyes shut, I pulled the trigger."
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"Well, the recoil just knocked me out cold."
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"- Oh. - When I came to,"
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"the judge was standing over me with a squirrel."
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"Did you have your pants on?"
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"Of course I did. What are you talking about?"
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"is that when I was lying down, I kind of saw"
Veep
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