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Clips from The Good Place - Derek (S02E02)

"might be a little different from the ones"
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"that you might be familiar with."
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"Of course, silly billy."
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"but every aspect of the design is entirely up to you."
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"For example, if you'd like me"
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"to stop calling you silly billy, just say so."
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"Michael's fine."
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"Sounds good, Michael."
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"I lied about who I was"
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"and what we were doing,"
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"and then I lied a billion more times"
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"Why would it only be starting now?"
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"M..."
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"Excuse us, Michael, but we've been trying"
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"to call Janet and she isn't answering."
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"Hi, guys. I'm broken."
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"Uh, yeah."
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"I had to take her offline"
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"for a system check."
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"She'll be available real soon."
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"Cool, because I'm just so freaking excited,"
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"because Tahani said she's never had jalapeño poppers,"
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"and I wanted to get some for her."
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"They sound so disgusting."
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"But if Jason likes them, then maybe I will too."
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"Because we are together."
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"That's sweet."
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
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"You two are sleeping together?"
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"Only when we're done having sex."
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"Anyways, Janet, can you help us?"
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"I'd be more than happy to help you get"
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"- Whoa. - What's happening?"
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"Oh, man."
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"and we were standing here the whole time?"
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"Michael, what do we do?"
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"Okay, there we go."
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"Happens sometimes."
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"Is Janet going to be all right?"
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"to your house and wait for her there."
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"- With donkey sauce? - Sure."
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"- And a cool hat? - Ding dong."
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"- So Vicky won't know. - That's the good news."
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"The bad news is, I seem to be losing my ability"
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"So it's sort of a glass half full,"
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"Okay, let's walk through what just happened."
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"revealed the crazy fact"
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"I already knew that, and I'm so happy for them."
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"Janet, tell me a lie."
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"Janets can't lie."
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"That's fun. I want to try to lie again."
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"I love your outfit."
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"Janet, the problem isn't me lying to you,"
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"but rather you lying to other people."
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"Like when you said to Jason,"
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""I'd be happy to help you and Tahani.""
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"No, it wasn't."
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"- That's my main purpose. - I know, I know."
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"even though you didn't intend it to be,"
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"Because you're in love with Jason."
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"Say what now?"
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"and as you were slowly regaining your knowledge,"
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"you bonded with Jason."
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"and I think, somehow,"
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"you're still, deep down, in love with him."
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"Ha! No, that is impossible."
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"When was the first glitch?"
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"When I said I was happy to give Jason and Tahani"
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"And the second glitch?"
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"When I said I was happy to see them embracing."
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"And the third glitch... the earthquake?"
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"When I said I was happy that"
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"I'd helped improve their relationship."
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"Ohh... nuts."
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"Yeah."
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"I am. I am."
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"I am not that. I am not happy for them."
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"I don't have any memory of being married to Jason."
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"You said yourself that Janets get more sophisticated"
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"every time they're rebooted."
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"was some sort of mutation"
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"that then was amplified with each reboot."
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"Kill me."
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"Sorry, I say everything in a cheery manner,"
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"You have to kill me, Michael."
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"That will just intensify your feelings for Jason."
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"I'm saying set me to self-destruct."
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"into small hole behind left ear.""
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"Yeah, right here."
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""When Janet is roughly the size of a marble,"
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""she can be launched into space"
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""through an inter-dimensional suction tube"
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""A new Janet will need to be procured"
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"in order to return the neighborhood to functionality.""
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"Easy. I'll be gone,"
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"Well, not for me. I'll be a lifeless marble"
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"floating through space, but you'll be back to normal."
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"What I really want is to stay and serve the neighborhood,"
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"but due to my feelings for Jason,"
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"So it looks like it's..."
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"Adios, Janito!"
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"about this new Vicky torture..."
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"uh, the one with the needles..."
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"A little busy here, bud."
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"Yeah, totally. Totally."
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"coming down the pike that you forgot to mention?"
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"I honestly don't know, but I have bigger fish to fry."
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"So you, know, just... just walk it off."
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"I would love to walk it off,"
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"Don't know what to tell you."
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"Okay, but..."
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"Okay, self-destruct time."
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"Marbleize me, Michael."
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"Kill me. Kill me."
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"I really don't want to do this, Janet."
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"But I suppose it makes sense."
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"Great. Should I begin"
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"No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!"
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"No, this is all wrong!"
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"What even is that?"
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