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Clips from Ted Lasso (2020) - The Diamond Dogs (S01E01)

"Right. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave,"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"'cause she's about to go to town on my hamstrings and I make a lot of noises,"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"and I don't like people hearing my noises."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Cool. All right. I'll see you around, yeah?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Okay."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"'Cause, look, it's just not something I've ever done before, okay?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I mean, if you are, you know, nuts for butts, have at it. That's what I say."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Coach, did you have fun?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Come on, Coach. I don't like all that kiss-and-tell stuff."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Coach, did you have fun?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"And did she have fun?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah, that movement's making me feel queasy."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Okay. So, then what's the problem?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I mean, maybe I just haven't really come to peace with the fact"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"that I went from having a mental breakdown at a karaoke joint in Liverpool"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"to, you know, sleeping with a woman I just met."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"And then somewhere in between there, getting a divorce."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"-Well, it makes sense to me. -I must say that this is lovely."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Ever since I was little,"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I always used to dream about sitting down with a bunch of mates"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"talking about the complex dynamics between men and women."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Okay, here's another question for y'all. Should I tell Rebecca?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"-No. -Come on now. Why not?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I mean, it'd break my heart if I found out she was hiding something from me."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"-What's happening? You having a meeting? -Yep. I'm having lady problems."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Ted, can I be honest with you?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Come on, let it rip."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You seem intent on going 12 rounds with yourself. Why?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"What did you do wrong?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"He's right."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Time to get you some of these."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"What, scissors?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah. To cut yourself some slack."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Wow."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Y'all stuck the landing on that. That was nice."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Tell you what, I gotta get you all some satin jackets made,"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"with "Ted Lasso's Personal Dilemma Squad" embroidered on the back there."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"That's a clunky name. There's gotta be something better here."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Let me think. I know. How about the "EQ Warriors"?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"The "Knights of Support"?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Nah. Sounds like a brand of jockstrap."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"The "Proud Boys"?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Attaboy, Nate. Diamond Dogs it is."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Come on, Roy."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I thought you were supposed to be in Manchester."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"We played West Ham, so I'm in town."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah. Come in. How you doing?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I had ten touches, I had two completed dribbles,"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"and in the 89th minute they let me take a free kick."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I scored. Got half a chub."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"So you thought you'd bring your half-chub over here then, right?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"No. No, I just... wanted to talk."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You know, everything happened so fast when Lasso dumped me."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Oi. Come on. Lasso didn't dump you. Man City wanted you back."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"No, no. Lasso could have stopped it, but he didn't. Yeah."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Just let me finish, yeah?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"But you, you saw an even greater Jamie inside an already great Jamie."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You made me cultured. Took me to plays and shit."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You hated all of that."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah, 'cause it's confusing."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"They do all these emotional things, make you feel all these emotional ways."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"And then they get mad when you start trying to shout out"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"and talk to them during a performance."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"It's weird."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You also taught me to try to not get in me own way so much."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You're welcome, Jamie."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"and you haven't sent me some, like, weird sex emoji."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"-Like the eggplant or the squirting water. -Or the little squirrel."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"The little squirrel. I never understood that one."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"-Yeah. -Yeah."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"He is. Yeah."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Do you wanna have a drink with me?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Unless by "drink" you mean..."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"So that's how you get sex?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"By not trying for sex?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Sometimes that is exactly how it works."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I never knew that."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Now, you don't just get biscuits today."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I also got you a little box of chocolate truffles."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Oh, you fucker. Don't do this to me."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"What you should do is take one of them truffles"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"and smoosh it in between the biscuits like it's a little breakfast sandwich--"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah, there you go. You got it."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Yeah. And hey, I wanna thank you again for being there for me up in Liverpool."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"-It was nothing, Ted. -No, no. It was something."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You got a coupon for life, young lady. Yeah. I got your back."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Think of me as your own personal metaphorical Saint Bernard."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You don't need to be dealing with a metaphorical avalanche"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"to avail yourself to the metaphorical bourbon hanging around my neck."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Actually, Ted."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"If you do want to be there for me,"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I have a meeting later with two minority owners of the club."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"The most horrible human cocktail"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"of being terribly dull and yet, they never shut up."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Please join me."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"leave you wittering on, and slip out and do anything else."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"How much of the club they own?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"2.9%."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I'm gonna round that down to two. Then I can call those gals the "2% Milks.""
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Oh, God. They're gonna adore you."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"It's gonna be fun. All right. I'll leave you be. See ya now."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"In my experience, I've always found that endorsements work best"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"if you really believe in the product."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"So, I can find good opportunities for you guys"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"if you let me know what you're into."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I love Air Jordans."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I'd fuck a pair of Jordans."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"All right. So, athletic wear then, yeah?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"I'm into issue-oriented products."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"You know, pro-environment or anti-pollution."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"That kind of thing."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Oh, and also Air Jordans."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"But I don't want to sleep with them."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Isaac, what about you?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Rolos."
Ted Lasso (2020)
"So, sweets and chocolate then?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"No. Just Rolos, yeah?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"And none of that Sour Patch bullshit either, yeah?"
Ted Lasso (2020)
"Okay."
Ted Lasso (2020)
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