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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Bruce Forsyth (S01E01)

"Sure. I can let you have a woodpecker."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, good. That's fine. OK. That's a fair exchange."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Lovely doing business with you as well."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Any other show on television charges at least two pigs a month for a good duck."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I wish I had a good-looking bird."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Two pigs for one lousy duck?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"This is an outrage to all Porkdom."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, I was..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Really, Miss Piggy, I was only joking."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I wasn't having a go at you."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Yeah? Well, have a go at this."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hiiii-yah!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"That was vicious. Come here, you."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Aah! Aah!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ohh!"
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"Monkey with me...? Hii-yah!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"That Miss Piggy takes umbrage at the slightest annoyance."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, I usually take aspirin."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Maybe I'll try some umbrage."
The Muppet Show (1976)
""Same to you..." Same to you and more of it."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Fozzie? Huh?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I really want to get the best of those two old hecklers, Kermit."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, I can guarantee you that Statler and Waldorf"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"will not heckle you tonight."
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"But... but they always heckle me."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Every show they heckle me. Why not tonight?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, the show's running long, and your act's been cut."
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"Hilda, Hilda. Yes, Fozzie."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Don't move. Just stay right there. But why?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"So you can break my fall when I faint."
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"Aah! (thud)"
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"Cute. Cute faint."
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"Once again, it is my distinct pleasure"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"to introduce to you"
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"those two solid citizens of song - Wayne and Wanda."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Decent, decent people."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(♪ "Trees" by J Kilmer and O Rasbach)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ I think that I shall never see"
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"♪ A poem lovely as a tree ♪"
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"Oh!"
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"Whew! Oh, Kermit,"
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"you've got to let me do my big act in the show. Please."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, but... but, Kermit, in this type of show,"
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"people expect a stand-up comic."
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"Yes, and we got one. Oh, then I am going on after all."
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"No, Bruce Forsyth is."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hilda!"
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"(thud)"
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"Cute. Cute fall."
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"OK, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"tonight we thought we'd give Fozzie Bear a rest."
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"You're not giving him a rest, you're giving us a rest."
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"Yeah. OK. Be that as it may,"
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"is our special guest star Mr. Bruce Forsyth."
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"Thank you so much. Thank you."
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"And may I say you look a wonderful audience."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Don't be too sure. We haven't heard your jokes yet."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Sir, you're old enough to have heard my jokes,"
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"Bob Hope's jokes and Milton Berle's."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"In fact, if you've heard Milton Berle's jokes,"
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"you've heard everybody's jokes."
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"Same old stuff. We want new blood."
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"Yeah, well, you certainly look as though you could use some."
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"Why don't you go to the blood bank and cash an artery?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, I've heard better."
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"I'm sure you have, sir."
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"In fact, at your age, you're lucky you can hear at all."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Only kidding. Only kidding."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You've probably got a great sense of humor."
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"In fact, I know you have. I saw your wife outside."
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"Oh, he's burying me. He's burying me."
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"But you know, one thing I like about our two countries at the moment"
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"is we do have this cultural exchange going on."
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"I mean, we send you lots of our drama shows like Upstairs, Downstairs,"
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"The Six Wives of Henry VIII, The Forsyte Saga -"
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"and by the way,"
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"I thought Eric Porter played my life brilliantly."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I was gonna play the part myself,"
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"but they said I wasn't the type."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Then of course you send us your drama shows like Columbo,"
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"Starsky and Hutch, Police Woman."
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"They're not Shakespeare, perhaps, but just as violent."
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"By the way, thank you for Kojak."
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"He's made such a big hit in our country."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Such a sportsman. Goes to Scotland, plays golf."
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"And he's also a good tenpin bowler. Got the head for it."
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"But he gets very annoyed at the bowling alley,"
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"'cause people keep sticking their fingers up his nose."
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"Got to be a split."
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"Anyway, don't let's talk about him. Let's get back to me."
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"Ladies and gentlemen... Excuse me. Mr. Forsyth."
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"Oh, please, please call me Bruce."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Fozzie Bear."
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"Hey, hey!"
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"Yeah, thank heavens there's only one."
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"Aw. See those guys up there?"
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"The minute I come out, they start up. Don't worry. Don't worry."
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"Do you see the box they're in? Yeah."
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"I may decide to bury them together."
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"Oh! Oh, that's..."
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"Boy, see how he handles them? See?"
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"I was watching in the wings over there."
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"Yeah, well, why don't you flap them and fly outta here?"
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"Ho-ho."
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"You can handle those two. Well..."
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"You can do it."
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"All you need is the pacing, a bit of timing."
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"The right retort. The right line."
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"Uh... Uh..."
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"Go on. OK."
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"Do you mind? We work alone."
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"That is, unless we work together."
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"A little soft, Fozzie."
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"Go for the jugular vein, there. Go right in."
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"Right there? OK. Go on."
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"Uh... Uh... Oh! Oh!"
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"Hey, is that a suit you're wearing?"
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"but won't your wife notice the hole in the living room rug?"
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"(rimshot)"
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"Go in for the kill. Go in for the kill."
The Muppet Show (1976)
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