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Clips from Poorly Drawn Lines (2021) - The Museum (S01E01)

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure ancient times were terrifying"
Poorly Drawn Lines (2021)
"And that's why I would pay her off."
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"(phone buzzing)"
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"Tanya, hey, is that your phone?"
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"Ugh, yeah, it's probably work."
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"But it's Saturday."
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"What's Thursday then?"
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"Thursday has always been Tuesday."
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"(Tanya groans)"
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"nobody would be able to text me on the weekend."
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"I could've run an ancient city."
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"Kevin, you love your online T‐shirt business."
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"What about person carrot?"
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"KEVIN: Designing cute things to put on T‐shirts"
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"one that's not tied up in frivolous consumer goods"
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"(both sigh)"
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"I have an idea."
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"That way, we can see how horrible and scary"
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"‐KEVIN: Ugh, fine. ‐Ugh!"
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"KEVIN: It says "Ancient History Museum.""
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"Shit, we were looking for the Museum of Ancient History."
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"(ominous chords)"
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"What terrifying lessons of the past should we learn first?"
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"Ooh, terrifying, you say?"
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"Oh, sorry, is this the Museum of Ancient History?"
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"Now, what was that about terror?"
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"(Kevin laughing) I'm not scared."
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"I'm just trying to show my friends"
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"and living in the ancient world was constantly horrible."
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"and that, and this, and everything?"
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"(gasps) Oh!"
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"That's exactly what I was saying."
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"‐Oh, my God, I love you. ‐Um..."
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"MY name is Gil, BTWs."
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"It's short for Gilandrical, Gilandrical Kartorious."
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"KEVIN: Weird name. I love it."
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"GIL: Yes, it's very old,"
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"just like everything in this museum."
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"Mm, uh..."
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"In ancient times, pretty much everyone had swords."
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"KEVIN: Really?"
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"It was as common as, like, cell phones are now."
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"‐Wow! ‐Swords were used"
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"to cut people, bread‐‐ lots of stuff."
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"Um, would any of these happen to be barbarian swords?"
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"Several in fact, yeah."
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"all of those dudes and ladies at once."
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"It was really cool. Come, you slow‐pokeys!"
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"Don't touch! Let's go."
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"GIL: At its peak, this great ciudad"
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"was home to over 50,000 inhabitants,"
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"and none of them liked each other, no."
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"‐No get along gang here! ‐Ooh, Gilandrical,"
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"I mean, Gil is fine. Also, yah."
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"Gil, theoretically, would someone"
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"who now operates an online T‐shirt business"
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"Ha ha ha! Oh, yes."
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"I think it's a very similar skill set."
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"But why settle for bureaucracy when you could be...a god?"
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"These statues represent the gods of an ancient pantheon."
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"cat person, regular cow, bear person..."
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"this kick‐ass bird/lion hybrid!"
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"Is no one else weirded out by this?"
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"‐Uh... ‐Eh, not really, dude."
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"Yeah, that statue is in way better shape than you are."
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"It's a statue. It can't be in shape."
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"It's actually made of an indestructible minerality"
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"found only at the deepest parts of the ocean."
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"Nobody knows how this ancient civilization even got it."
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"Ernesto, chill, dude."
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"‐and you don't? ‐I have a hot statue, too!"
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"an occurrence of things that are just weird"
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"‐You have a mummy? ‐Hells, yeah,"
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"we got those mummies! Let's go."
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"‐That's a literal dead body. ‐It's a super old dead body."
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"‐It doesn't count. ‐It's called an antique."
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"No, I can't."
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"The longer I spend here, the closer I feel"
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"to my ancient destiny as a barbarian ruler."
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"And the longer I spend here,"
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"Come on! Let's go check out this mummy."
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"but if anyone tries to sell us a museum membership,"
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"I am outta here."
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"‐KEVIN: Of course! ‐Of course, let's go."
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"ERNESTO: They make you feel really bad"
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"my membership at the Kaleidoscope Museum."
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"KEVIN: Oh, I love the Kaleidoscope Museum."
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"This is the Great Queen."
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"‐TANYA: Oh, the Great Queen? ‐GIL: The greatest of all time."
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"She ruled an empire."
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"And she was apparently super easy to talk to,"
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"just like a really wunderbar personality."
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"Everybody said so."
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"Uh, definitely not, they would have been immediately exiled."
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"KEVIN: Oh, my God, Tanya. That's your name."
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"Gilandrical or Gil, and wait a minute."
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"What‐‐are you saying to me"
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"And you look like that hot birdie?"
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"And you're...also here?"
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"What a weird series of coincidinkies,"
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"ALL: Is an occurrence of things"
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"that are just weird but don't mean anything."
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"Can you not be downer for like five seconds"
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"of this museum experience?"
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"‐Learn! ‐It's almost too perfect."
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"But also could be‐‐ but it can't be."
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"(gasps) The tour is over!"
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"Shit, what a half‐assed tour."
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"We only saw like two rooms."
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"Let's just get out of here."
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"Oh, no, we're locked in."
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"Gilandrical, Gilandrical!"
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"Oh, Gil, cool."
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"I'm afraid I cannot."
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"Explain yourself, Gilandrical!"
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"I've searched for the perfect hosts,"
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"the Queen, the Bird, and the Bear."
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"Yeah, I don't know. Doesn't really look like him."
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"and they will walk the Earth once more through you."
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"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."
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