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Clips from The Simpsons - Eeny Teeny Maya Moe (S20E20)

"de-Neanderthal the brow, smooth out my hate lines,"
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"lighten up the ear hair, switch my lips, then black tie the whole deal."
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"I can't build a relationship on a lie. The lies come later."
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"She thinks I'm cute! O frajulous day! Callooh! Callay!"
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"(LAUGHING)"
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"So, that's why I'm cleaning things and flushing things,"
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"(SNORING)"
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"She's coming to meet me here, tonight."
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"(RINGING)"
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"Moe's rat-free tavern."
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"Heya, Marge. Yeah, yeah, Homer's here."
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"You want Homer? I'm sorry, I thought you meant Himmler."
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"Heinrich Himmler."
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"You know, the guy who invented the Heimlich manure."
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"Those are two different people!"
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"Well, they're both here. And neither one is your husband."
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"This press conference is over."
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"Oh, Maggie made some new friends."
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"Aw... Burrowing your head into your daddy."
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"A sign that my baby is happy and confident."
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"(HUMMING)"
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"Ah! Yeah! Okay, she said she'd be here at exactly 8:00."
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"You calling my girl a liar?"
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"(DOOR OPENING)"
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"Okay."
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"I've been stood up."
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"Moe, I'm down here."
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"Oh! You're a little person. I'm... No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
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"- What's the correct term? - Little person."
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"(CHUCKLING) Look at me being polite!"
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"So, aren't you gonna invite me in?"
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"Of course. I just have to... I have to tidy up the place."
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"(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Just one sec."
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"Oh!"
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"Yeah, that's better."
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"So, Maya, have you always been this size? Or is this like a Benjamin Button deal?"
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"(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)"
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"No. I mean, it's just your picture made you look more life-sized."
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"That was taken at LegoLand."
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"I was afraid you'd be disappointed in the real me."
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"What? Are you kidding me?"
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"You're the best thing to come into this bar since cable TV."
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"And unlike cable TV,"
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"I ain't stealing you from the Chinese restaurant across the street there."
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"I see you watch ESPN2! I know!"
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"Yeah, that's great there, Ling Chow."
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"- So, you still want to go out? - That's why I'm here."
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"- Great. Let me get a car seat. - Car seat?"
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"Yeah. I took out the passenger seat to save gas."
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"But I'm gonna use it now because we're gonna do the town!"
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"So, instead of getting a new bar sign,"
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"I saved 300 bucks by changing my name to Moe."
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"Moe! You eat alone again tonight, huh?"
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"Table for one, facing the wall!"
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"Whoa, whoa. Not so fast, garlic press. I'm here with my date."
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"(GASPS) She's beautiful. But so far away."
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"(KISSING SOUNDS)"
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"Mmm. You're a good kisser."
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"Yeah. I practice by siphoning gas out of other people's tanks."
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"But I never tasted super premium that was half as good as you."
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"Oh, Moe."
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"(CHUCKLES) Yeah."
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"(HUMMING HAPPILY)"
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"How'd your date go, Moe?"
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"Incredible. I've never felt like this before. It's like my heart wants to do her."
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"ALL: Aw..."
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"- So, when are we gonna meet her? - I can't wait until you guys get to..."
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"(LAUGHING)"
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"(CAR HORNS BLARING)"
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"Yep. That's what we'd do."
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"Let me ask you guys something."
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"How would you treat a person who's generally dynamite but in some way"
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"a little different?"
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"- You mean like how we treat Homer? - Because he can't remember limericks?"
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"I can, too."
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"There once was this guy from an island off the coast of Massachusetts..."
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"Nantucket, I think it was."
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"Anyway, he had the most unusual personal characteristic,"
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"which was... Uh... Um..."
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"(ALL LAUGHING)"
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"He can't win."
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"Look at him struggling with the simplest rhyme."
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"(SOBBING)"
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"(NECK CRACKING)"
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"HOMER: There you are."
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"(BABIES WHISTLING)"
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"Aw... Innocent babies whistling nonchalantly. How sweet."
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"Maggie will be back to play with you tomorrow."
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"Come on, Maggie. Have some grapefruit."
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"Maybe if I lay down a beat on my bongos, that'll soothe her."
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"How would I know?"
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"You've been spending so much time with her."
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"I have not. Oh, right. You think I do."
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"Hmm."
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"ANNOUNCER: When you leave your children,"
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"do you really know whom you're leaving them with?"
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"Your little angels are safe with me. Enjoy your second honeymoon."
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"You wash me unmentionables!"
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"And you, preheat the oven for two children at 450!"
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"(LAUGHING EVILL Y)"
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"ANNOUNCER: When you can't be there, Prying-Eye Surveillance can!"
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"We take images from your camera,"
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"unscramble them, then scramble them again,"
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"then unscramble them that all-important final time."
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"Our competitors claim we scramble our images too much."
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"We say, can you love your children too much?"
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"The only thing better than Prying-Eye watching your children"
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"is you watching your children."
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"And we know that's not gonna happen."
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"Hmm..."
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"Wait a second, Marge."
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"Do you really want to use your baby as a tool to spy on your husband?"
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"- Yes, you do. - I wasn't talking to you."
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"When you say it, it's not just in your head."
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"This is where I live."
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"So is there a knob, or an "open sesame" type deal or what?"
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"My house is over there."
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"You didn't actually think I lived in a tree, did you?"
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"No. Hey, no... Hey, a lot of people live in trees."
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