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Clips from M*A*S*H - Yankee Doodle Doctor (S01E01)

"Sense ofhumor, huh? Moves well. Good skin tone."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, but| promised Fred I‘d never dance with anybody but him."
M*A*S*H
"Well, ifyou don‘t do it, he‘s gonna give it to... Frank."
M*A*S*H
"[ Man Over RA. ] A ttention, a// personnel."
M*A*S*H
"All personnel report on the double."
M*A*S*H
"Start this guy on whole blood, stat."
M*A*S*H
"No. Hold it. Hold it. Uh, cut."
M*A*S*H
"I want a shot ofyou conferring with another doctor."
M*A*S*H
"You know what| mean? Talking it over? Making a decision?"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, fella, could you smile a little bit like you got confidence in the doctor?"
M*A*S*H
"We promised MacArthur we‘d get the war on schedule."
M*A*S*H
"All right, give me a clamp. Come on. Give me a clamp."
M*A*S*H
"Another clamp. Will you move! Come on!"
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s great, fellas. Great. Keep going. — Howyou doing? Howyou doing?"
M*A*S*H
"—| think| got it. — We need a little more action, something dramatic, huh?"
M*A*S*H
"— Hey, Trapper, lift his appendix. — What ?"
M*A*S*H
"I think they need a close—up."
M*A*S*H
"In fact, while you‘re at it, lift his gall bladder."
M*A*S*H
"— Get out of here with that thing! — Move!"
M*A*S*H
"And the secret ofmaking it better..."
M*A*S*H
"is in the hands offine corpsmen such as you,"
M*A*S*H
"— You always wear those glasses? — Uh, since I was two."
M*A*S*H
"— They‘re reflecting the lights. — Oh, isn‘t that interesting, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"— The glasses were reflecting the light. — Can you see without them?"
M*A*S*H
"— See what ? — Never mind. Keep them on."
M*A*S*H
"Now, look up at the colonel, but keep your head down."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, what have we here, His—and—hers majors? — Not interrupting, are we?"
M*A*S*H
"No."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, the major was helping me with the narration for the documentary."
M*A*S*H
"Really? And can he act too?"
M*A*S*H
"— Give us a taste, Frank. — Yeah. Oh, come on."
M*A*S*H
"Go ahead, Frank. Show them."
M*A*S*H
"”A group of brave men are at work..."
M*A*S*H
"”while outside the dogs ofwar bark at the door ofthis sanctuary."
M*A*S*H
"—[Barking] —Down, boy! Down! Down! Rollover."
M*A*S*H
"”These are the saints in surgical garb."
M*A*S*H
"” Dedicated surgeons, all volunteers."
M*A*S*H
""E very red—blooded American knows..."
M*A*S*H
"”ifhe is wounded,"
M*A*S*H
"of a Yankee Doodle Doctor.”"
M*A*S*H
"A Yankee Doodle Doctor!"
M*A*S*H
"JStucka feather in his nurse and called her macaroni J;"
M*A*S*H
"—You didn‘t like it? - Didn‘t like it? Let me count the ways."
M*A*S*H
"How about ”you stink” ?"
M*A*S*H
"And so does this little movie show and Lieutenant Bricker."
M*A*S*H
"Stinks .7 0/1, you——you——"
M*A*S*H
"Who are you calling a you—you ?"
M*A*S*H
"Did you hear that garbage? It‘s nothing but a bunch oflies."
M*A*S*H
"They‘re making a fairy—tale documentary."
M*A*S*H
"— ”All volunteers.” — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t think it‘s quite finished enough, ifyou get my drift."
M*A*S*H
"First we get aho/d of Radar"
M*A*S*H
"Doyou mind if| sit here?"
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Laughing] — [ Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"— Uh, sir? Doyou have a minute? — Forwhat?"
M*A*S*H
"— Uh, another time, maybe, huh? — Well, how did you get started?"
M*A*S*H
"[Rattling]"
M*A*S*H
"Wrench. Ow!"
M*A*S*H
"You make a lousy nurse."
M*A*S*H
"because I won‘t sell out."
M*A*S*H
"—I mean, I‘m a funny kind ofguy. —Oh, areyou?"
M*A*S*H
"Integrity means more to me than anything."
M*A*S*H
"The right to do what I think is right, no matter what people think."
M*A*S*H
"Spotlight, please."
M*A*S*H
"Well, maybe it gets better as you go along."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, well—— Oh, oh, oh, you were good in that place. Isn‘t that good?"
M*A*S*H
"Where was I ?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, youjust married your high school teacher."
M*A*S*H
"Wonderful woman. Helped me a lot with my career."
M*A*S*H
"Th-th-th-th-tha-- Th-th-th-th-tha-- That‘s all, folks."
M*A*S*H
"— Ruined. — It‘s been exposed to light."
M*A*S*H
"All ofit."
M*A*S*H
"Naturally, I‘m worried about all ofit."
M*A*S*H
"General Clayton, Henry Blake."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, actually terrible rather than fine."
M*A*S*H
"But I mean, everything was really fine before it got terrible."
M*A*S*H
"—Tell him. —We|l,you see, sir,"
M*A*S*H
"Lieutenant Bricker shot all ofhis movie and then someone ruined it."
M*A*S*H
"and very good with tools, uh, like a surgeon, got——"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll call you right back, sir. Bricker, come on."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, why‘d you do it?"
M*A*S*H
"What are we supposed to have done that makes you ask ifwe‘ve done what we did?"
M*A*S*H
"Gee, I acted as well as I could."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, don‘t get cute. You know what I mean."
M*A*S*H
"You guys opened his cans!"
M*A*S*H
"I haven‘t opened a can since I was an intern."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s a very serious accusation, Lieutenant."
M*A*S*H
"And very hard to prove."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Nobody pulls that schoolboy crud on Duane William Bricker."
M*A*S*H
"[Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"We start reshooting tomorrow, from the top."
M*A*S*H
"— Fine. Go ahead. But do it without me. — Aw, come on, Pierce."
M*A*S*H
"— I will not work with that man. — Huh?"
M*A*S*H
"— He simply drained me. —What?"
M*A*S*H
"The sta r of Yankee Doodle Doctor."
M*A*S*H
"— Has he leftyet? — Save your voice, my darling."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, but at least it‘s honest weirdoism,"
M*A*S*H
"not like that phony footage you shot."
M*A*S*H
"Bricker. Bricker."
M*A*S*H
"— Uh, listen. We can work things out. — Of course we can."
M*A*S*H
"Well,you see, Hawkeye Pierce is, uh, warts and all,"
M*A*S*H
"kind ofthe heartbeat ofthis place."
M*A*S*H
"Maybe we can work out a compromise."
M*A*S*H
"Sergeant, get our gear loaded and take the truck to Seoul. I‘ll take the next chopper back."
M*A*S*H
"Listen. Do you realize..."
M*A*S*H
"how important that movie would be back home, to our folks?"
M*A*S*H
"To see the kind ofjob we‘re doing here?"
M*A*S*H
"Gee, I told my folks I was, uh, coming over here to avoid making house calls."
M*A*S*H
"Listen. Crass as it may sound,"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, he‘s right, you know? |canjust hear them back at the hospital after the war."
M*A*S*H
"”There goes Dr. Pierce. A fair doctor, but a great profile.”"
M*A*S*H
"and they‘re gonna make that movie at some other MASH outfit."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s gonna leave us right out in the cold."
M*A*S*H
"—Aw! —Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"Hey. Uh, Henry?"
M*A*S*H
"— What ? — Can we let Bricker go..."
M*A*S*H
"— I think so. — You still got Bricker‘s script."
M*A*S*H
"Henry, we can make this movie ourselves."
M*A*S*H
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