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Clips from American Dad! - Joint Custody (S02E02)

"- Daddy, will you read to me? - Who the hell are you?"
American Dad!
"What's your problem?"
American Dad!
"Oh, you mean besides being shot at by a bottom-heavy freak?"
American Dad!
"...if you let me take Jeff and collect my money."
American Dad!
"I don't care about the money!"
American Dad!
"I just wanna get Jeff to Florida and out of my life."
American Dad!
"- Why didn't you run for it? - You wanna know why?"
American Dad!
"O'Shamus McPherson, present yourself."
American Dad!
"Great. Well, Roger, I guess it's just you and me."
American Dad!
"- And now it's just me. - Wait, how am I gonna get out of here?"
American Dad!
"Try jogging, you gross bowling pin."
American Dad!
"- Yo, you flute me? - What? No, no, that was Jeff."
American Dad!
"He hopped on the train."
American Dad!
"Oh, Jeff, huh? Well, you tell your boy that still counts as one. He got two left."
American Dad!
"They love me."
American Dad!
"So I took the train to Raleigh, and now I'm at my dad's farm."
American Dad!
"Mom, you won't believe this."
American Dad!
"Dad kidnapped Jeff, but he got away and now he's hiding at his dad's farm."
American Dad!
"There's lots of places to hide on a farm."
American Dad!
"- Mom! We gotta save Jeff. - Right. You tell Steve, I'll grab my keys."
American Dad!
"But first I'm gonna need something from you."
American Dad!
"Can we take one of those old western photos together?"
American Dad!
"Hi, Jeff."
American Dad!
"Expecting someone a little less take-you-to-jail-y?"
American Dad!
"Wait, you gotta believe me."
American Dad!
"I don't know how that pot got in my van."
American Dad!
"All right, I'll go with you."
American Dad!
"- Forget it. - I'm begging you."
American Dad!
"...so I can write a poem about it for my prison poetry slam."
American Dad!
"Because that's what prison's like, right?"
American Dad!
"No, I don't know my date of birth."
American Dad!
"My mother's maiden name? Something Italian."
American Dad!
"I look Italian. Try "Frappuccino." Hold on. I got a beep. Hello?"
American Dad!
"Roger, it's me. Jeff and Stan are at Jeff's father's house in North Carolina."
American Dad!
"Really?"
American Dad!
"Yes. Now, in return for this information, you must give me..."
American Dad!
"...nothing."
American Dad!
"If you had just waited for me to finish, you'd know I want nothing from you."
American Dad!
"Mom can't find her car keys. What were you doing the last time you had them?"
American Dad!
"Driving. I think it was the car."
American Dad!
"Mom, if we don't find those keys, we'll never rescue Jeff."
American Dad!
"Did somebody say "hot-wire"?"
American Dad!
"- Can you really do that? - Yes."
American Dad!
"And in answer to your next question, I like a sneaker with a large tongue."
American Dad!
"I've got a good life up there."
American Dad!
"I'm in charge of tire inflation at the bike shop."
American Dad!
"Tire inflation? That is so great. Course, I'm not surprised."
American Dad!
"I'm so proud of my son. In fact, his is the wall where I keep all his awards."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God! They've been stolen! I better call the sheriff."
American Dad!
"Must have been several strong men with a huge truck. What?"
American Dad!
"But if that were true, that would mean my son is a worthless piece of crap..."
American Dad!
"...who never accomplished anything."
American Dad!
"Well, sir, I'm not gonna sit here..."
American Dad!
"...while you say those awful things about my pride and joy."
American Dad!
"I promise you, son, I will not rest until I get every single ribbon, trophy..."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna go round up a posse."
American Dad!
"We'll get Charlie's dogs. Close off the perimeter."
American Dad!
"Jeff, your dad is a humungous jerk."
American Dad!
"No, he's just kidding around. He loves me."
American Dad!
"That's why he can never know what happened."
American Dad!
"Look, Jeff, no one wants to admit their dad is a bad guy, but..."
American Dad!
"Bad guy? Look who's talking."
American Dad!
"Dad would never do anything that mean."
American Dad!
"I need something for dogs so they can pick up the scent."
American Dad!
"Do you have your high school diploma? No? They got that too?"
American Dad!
"Those monsters are gonna pay."
American Dad!
"You can sleep out in the barn."
American Dad!
"I like soul-crushing sarcasm as much as the next guy..."
American Dad!
"...and kudos on your commitment to the bit, but Jeff is your son."
American Dad!
"And my bounty."
American Dad!
"- Who the hell is this? - Horse Renoir, bounty hunter."
American Dad!
"Born in the bayou."
American Dad!
"Some say the hell spawn of a prostitute and a whore. Others say..."
American Dad!
"- Shut up! - Rude."
American Dad!
"Your son's wanted in Florida for a drug bust."
American Dad!
"The whore, not the prostitute. Here, I'll do it."
American Dad!
"- Rude. Liar. - Tie him up."
American Dad!
"Hell, no. I just wanna collect that bounty."
American Dad!
"It'll cover my losses for when he got busted with my marijuana."
American Dad!
"Wait. Your marijuana?"
American Dad!
"- What do you think I grow here? - The kind."
American Dad!
"There wasn't even any pressure. He didn't know I stuffed it with pot."
American Dad!
"You let your own son take the fall?"
American Dad!
"What have I done? Jeff was telling the truth. He's innocent."
American Dad!
"I have to pee now. Whenever I get tied up, I have to pee."
American Dad!
"I got an idea. I saw this in a movie once. Hop with me."
American Dad!
"Well, you weren't gonna do anything from a movie."
American Dad!
"Come on, Steve. You're our only hope to save Jeff."
American Dad!
"Steve, nothing happened."
American Dad!
"I feel funny."
American Dad!
"I think we did some sweet maneuvers from that movie Backdraft."
American Dad!
"We have to save Jeff. There's not a moment to lose."
American Dad!
"Sorry. That's how I wake up."
American Dad!
"Relax, son. I know everything."
American Dad!
"Stan, do you feel lighter?"
American Dad!
"Wait. It's a cheetah."
American Dad!
"Cheetos."
American Dad!
"How can you hear what I'm thinking?"
American Dad!
"This place is great."
American Dad!
"Hey, look. Someone picked out all my favorite stuff."
American Dad!
"Where are we gonna get that type of cash?"
American Dad!
"- I thought Jeff was innocent. - We gotta save Jeff."
American Dad!
"- Wait. I know where they are. - Steve, what are you talking about?"
American Dad!
"- Your keys. I see them. - Honey, you're delirious."
American Dad!
"...clear into this one."
American Dad!
"He's got the gift. Lead us to the keys, boy."
American Dad!
"Lead us to the keys."
American Dad!
"Oh, it's a checkpoint. These are a good thing."
American Dad!
"Keeps people from hurting each other. It's all about kindness. And music."
American Dad!
"Night Ranger, man. Night Ranger."
American Dad!
"Night Ranger?"
American Dad!
"Of course. When the barn burned..."
American Dad!
"...we became pawns in marijuana's mellow chess game."
American Dad!
"Screw him. He's a loser. You don't care about him."
American Dad!
"You know, I had a crappy dad, too."
American Dad!
"Who, Kevin? Of course I saw him."
American Dad!
"We picked him up at the rest stop an hour ago."
American Dad!
"Dropped my Rolos."
American Dad!
"You get caught high, you lose everything."
American Dad!
"Good evening, sir. Have you been drinking?"
American Dad!
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