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Clips from American Dad! - Joint Custody (S02E02)

"Evening. Evening. Making things even."
American Dad!
"- Please step out of the car, sir. - He knows!"
American Dad!
"Find the keys, Steve. Take us to the keys."
American Dad!
"Here. They're in here."
American Dad!
"Nope. Nothing here but a busted water pipe..."
American Dad!
"You'll get a lot of that. People are afraid of the gift."
American Dad!
"Afraid of what they don't understand."
American Dad!
"Please stop encouraging him!"
American Dad!
"It's gone. The gift is gone."
American Dad!
"- Or was it a curse? - You can't see no more keys?"
American Dad!
"- No. - Well, goodbye."
American Dad!
"- Then drop the damn cat food! - Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
American Dad!
"There's your criminal. Give me the money."
American Dad!
"That's all I care about: Money."
American Dad!
"- Not Jeff, money. - See? Wait. Am I Jeff or money?"
American Dad!
"- Dad! - You're under arrest."
American Dad!
"Wait. This man-hippie is innocent."
American Dad!
"- He has no proof. - I've got his confession on tape."
American Dad!
"I always wear a wire."
American Dad!
"That's why you shave your chest. Oh, Hayley must wear a muff wire."
American Dad!
"I shouldn't have confessed to two people I was gonna kill."
American Dad!
"- You were gonna kill them? - Yeah, but you can't prove it..."
American Dad!
"...because you're not wearing a wire. - I'm a cop."
American Dad!
"...but the fact is, none of us get to choose our fathers."
American Dad!
"No, go on. I have a lot of father issues too."
American Dad!
"None of us get to choose our fathers..."
American Dad!
"...but we do get to choose our father figures."
American Dad!
"Then I realized I could be my own father figure."
American Dad!
"Someone I've learned to respect and admire."
American Dad!
"- I think he'd make a great father figure. - Well, Jeff, I'm flattered..."
American Dad!
"This is awkward. I'm gonna go."
American Dad!
"No, don't go. Why would it be awkward? It's not awkward."
American Dad!
"Dude."
American Dad!
"What a freak accident!"
American Dad!
"Just tell your friends. My business is word of mouth."
American Dad!
"I heard you showering with Jeff. I finally meet him. How do I look?"
American Dad!
"You can't go five minutes without doing a fashion montage."
American Dad!
"You poached my bear!"
American Dad!
"Listen, I'll overlook the fact that you didn't compliment my outfit..."
American Dad!
"Damn it, Roger, he's getting away!"
American Dad!
"Corn fields, a silo, behind a cow, under a tractor-"
American Dad!
"I'll get it, Dad."
American Dad!
"Hi. My name's Stan Smith. I seem to have lost my credit card."
American Dad!
"No, I don't know my social security number."
American Dad!
"What do you mean, Jeff's never won an award in his entire life?"
American Dad!
"- Isn't he great? - Great?"
American Dad!
"You're the one who tricked me and pretended to be my friend."
American Dad!
"Now his own dad is gonna screw him over and take him to jail."
American Dad!
"I'm sorry."
American Dad!
"- I never saw Backdraft. - Me either."
American Dad!
"- Cat food? - Lf I hold this, I won't float away."
American Dad!
"Oh, thank God."
American Dad!
"Something strong enough to punch a hole from the next world..."
American Dad!
"Well, yes, Steve. You gave me that for my birthday."
American Dad!
"- That's just the weed talking. - No. No."
American Dad!
"I cared before that."
American Dad!
"Jeff's never had anyone looking out for him..."
American Dad!
"...and I'm not gonna let him down."
American Dad!
"Hang on."
American Dad!
"You're wrong about my dad. He cares more about me than anything."
American Dad!
"His father planted drugs on him without him knowing."
American Dad!
"- My Uncle Frank. - What? Oh, of course."
American Dad!
"No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm pretty sure it's all out of my system."
American Dad!
"Yeah, I'm over that. Look at this."
American Dad!
"Mr. Fischer, don't you think you're a little hard on Jeff?"
American Dad!
"Wait a minute. Who is this?"
American Dad!
"Now I just have to find all the info on Jeff I can."
American Dad!
"We're gonna get to the bottom of this. It's ringing."
American Dad!
"No, ma'am. Let the boy talk."
American Dad!
"He's had quite a shock, but he'll be fine."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God. We're high!"
American Dad!
"Muy buena comida, Mrs. S."
American Dad!
"...and tie your fallopians in a square knot."
American Dad!
"All that damn fool had to do was drive the van to Florida."
American Dad!
"I want that van gone by the time I get home."
American Dad!
"...when I was backpacking that summer I was super into rabbits?"
American Dad!
"What the...?"
American Dad!
"Hello, Sheriff Perkins? Henry Fischer. Yes, father of the illustrious Jeff Fischer."
American Dad!
"Freeze! Hands in the air!"
American Dad!
"My mom had that real bad too."
American Dad!
"That's good."
American Dad!
"I float away, and you get a bag of food scientifically formulated for aging cats."
American Dad!
"Actually, we haven't talked in a few years."
American Dad!
"- Yeah. - Hello, Stan. I know where Jeff is."
American Dad!
"Jeff's dad probably has him halfway to Florida by now."
American Dad!
"There is so much beauty in the world."
American Dad!
"That'll be $ 147."
American Dad!
"- Why do my wrists hurt? - Because you're lying on them."
American Dad!
"They're on a Gumby keychain."
American Dad!
"Man, what's with all this traffic? We're never gonna get Jeff in time."
American Dad!
"Is this right?"
American Dad!
"Stan, think about this. You're a federal agent."
American Dad!
"Wait. This can't be. They have to be there."
American Dad!