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Clips from 30 Rock - Don Geiss, America and Hope (S04E04)

"I looked up to you."
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"I got a lot of flak after I ate the pig that played Babe."
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"I learned you have to go on the offensive."
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"Start denying this stuff."
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"to spend more time with my stripper."
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"Well, we lost another one, Tray."
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"They're dropping you as their spokesman."
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"But John Edwards and I were supposed to ride"
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"on their Cinco de Mayo float!"
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"Just like my favorite golfer."
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"O.J. Simpson."
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"Remember how you tricked the owner"
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"of that toaster company into thinking you were his dead son?"
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"And they sold you the factory for one dollar."
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"Jack "The Master Baiter" Donaghy."
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"What's their business strategy?"
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"Whoa, relax, buddy."
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"Your job is secure."
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"I just want to understand the operation,"
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"so I can contribute right away."
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"Well, that's the beauty of it, Jack."
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"You don't have to."
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"The cable's already laid, so..."
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"I don't understand."
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"There's always room for growth, for innovation."
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"Oh, good God."
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"The Lovely Boners?"
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"The Hind Side?"
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"But do you know how much of our profit"
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"and we make money off it."
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"Then what do you want with N.B. C?"
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"Why do you even want me?"
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"Well, buying N.B.C. counts as a charitable donation"
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"you're the classic American executive."
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"You are kidding me."
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"I went to Harvard Business School."
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"I'm the reason the microwave tray rotates."
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"Jack."
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"I make things, I build companies."
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"Innovate products."
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"Don't fight it, Jack."
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"It's the perfect business."
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"And we won."
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""And Alexander wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.""
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"I know you're off duty,"
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"take me to the Upper West Side?"
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"Okay, that was almost..."
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"You witch!"
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"No, no, I am walking away."
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"Wait, Liz, wait."
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"Look, I wasn't even supposed to ride my footcycle home today."
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"Commencing eye-roll sequence."
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"The universe wants us to settle for one another."
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"Well, there has to be a reason this keeps happening to us, Liz."
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"I think fate is telling us"
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"this is the best we're ever going to get."
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"Settling soul mates?"
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"That is grim."
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"And I've played Monopoly alone."
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"Look, I happen to believe in romantic..."
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"How many couples do you know that are actually in love,"
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"that don't completely annoy one another?"
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"Okay, what about them?"
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"You wouldn't be complaining"
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"if you wore the shoes I bought you."
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"No way."
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"Think about it, Liz!"
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"It's what the universe wants!"
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"You'd have someone to tell you"
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"when you're about to step in something."
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"Oh, nerds."
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"Okay, mentor time."
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"Lemon, I'm not in the mood to solve your lady problems"
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"No, this is a Liz relationship emergency."
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"It's a "Lizaster"."
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"Okay, Lemon, what is it?"
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"Okay, ever since I was little..."
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"My whole adult life..."
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"No."
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"Oprah says..."
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"You have 10 seconds..."
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"This guy, Wesley, thinks we should get married."
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"Because it's time for us to settle."
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"Look at me."
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"At one point, my obituary was going to read,"
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""Middle Manager of a Philadelphia Pornography"
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"It's a mousetrap company."
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"Wait, KableTown makes mousetraps?"
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"Kabletown doesn't make anything."
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"Maybe it is the perfect business."
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"A perpetual motion machine,"
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"Soon, you won't even have to leave your house."
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"They don't need ideas."
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"They don't need innovation."
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"In other words, they don't need me."
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"Wait."
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"Where are you going?"
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"I'm going to bury Don Geiss, America and hope."
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"It's gotten worse."
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"Somebody leaked my voicemails."
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"Hey, baby, it's your husband."
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"So I'm at Bed Bath and Beyond."
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"And I can't remember."
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"Did you say to get metal or wood shower curtain rings?"
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"I can't wait to talk to you."
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"I love you."
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"How does Angie feel about this?"
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"Is she mad?"
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"She says I better have an affair and quick,"
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"before it tears our family apart."
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"I wish I could help you, but I can't sleep with a black guy."
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"I'd lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR."
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"That's the problem."
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"Who's desperate enough to have sex with me at this point?"
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"Come on."
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"You're still Tracy Jordan."
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"who has made it very clear she wants you."
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"Go save your career and give her the thrill of a lifetime."
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"Hello, Elizabeth."
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"May I offer you a succulent fruit?"
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