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Clips from American Dad! - Surro-Gate (S03E03)

"Dad, what are you doing?"
American Dad!
"...and implant those embryos in a surrogate..."
American Dad!
"I don't believe it. I let them be gay, and this is how they repay me?"
American Dad!
"Well, excuse me, but who are you to say whether they should have kids?"
American Dad!
"Yes, horses eating each other."
American Dad!
"...knowing that, when you least expect it..."
American Dad!
"...cleaving you in twain."
American Dad!
"I found some of Steve and Hayley's baby clothes in the basement."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna bring them to Greg and Terry's."
American Dad!
"Good thinking, Francine."
American Dad!
"- Let's hide in your attic. - And never go to sleep."
American Dad!
"Stay humble."
American Dad!
"I just wanted you guys to know I think it's great what you're doing..."
American Dad!
"- She's a smoker. She's out. - Okay, so down to one."
American Dad!
"- I'll do it. - What?"
American Dad!
"I live right across the street..."
American Dad!
"Well, a couple weeks ago, I agreed to be their surrogate..."
American Dad!
"You need me alive."
American Dad!
"...instead of that baby nonsense?"
American Dad!
"- I can't believe Stan hasn't noticed. - I can't believe a lot of things:"
American Dad!
"...that the Harlem Globetrotters have never lost a ga..."
American Dad!
"...it's maddening."
American Dad!
"- Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?"
American Dad!
"I'm sure that's not right. You... Oh, I have another call."
American Dad!
"But my wife's far too fat to be pregnant."
American Dad!
"Okay, let's play the CD your daddies bought for you."
American Dad!
"Your doctor called. He said the baby you're carrying for two gay men is fine..."
American Dad!
"That's it. No more WebMD for you."
American Dad!
"Well, I'm not. I think what's going on in there is wrong."
American Dad!
"Oh, you had to go back and change your belt."
American Dad!
"You accused Greg and Terry of creating a bad environment for this child."
American Dad!
"You're the one who's stressing Mom out."
American Dad!
"Oh, Stan."
American Dad!
"- Guys, my water broke. - What?"
American Dad!
"No, no, no."
American Dad!
"- We can't live like this anymore. - We have to confront Klaus."
American Dad!
"Yes. We must confront him."
American Dad!
"Is this an accurate mirror? Look how long my arms are. Disgusting."
American Dad!
"I was a reporter, for God's sakes. I'll track her down."
American Dad!
"- I can. - Yeah, I guess I can too."
American Dad!
"...Greg and Terry can kiss their custody goodbye."
American Dad!
"Good. Good. Good. Us too."
American Dad!
"They were recently seen at the Stuckey's off Interstate 280."
American Dad!
"The Rainbow Truckers."
American Dad!
"I can't thank you enough, Lily."
American Dad!
"Lily, you have fantastic children, a beautiful home."
American Dad!
"Stan, we thought if we showed you how happy and healthy our family is..."
American Dad!
"I don't know what to say. I was wrong."
American Dad!
"You've really opened my eyes. I'm just gonna go change Liberty real quick..."
American Dad!
"...and then we'll all sit down to a beautiful meal."
American Dad!
"There's two mothers and no father."
American Dad!
"- She's my doll. Give her back. - Give me that."
American Dad!
"- Did she smile when I said that? - No."
American Dad!
"...like raising the flag with your wife and two kids."
American Dad!
"Look at that bald eagle, kids. Majestic."
American Dad!
""I'm dead, and I need a kiss.""
American Dad!
"Cut it out. Go. Get it away. I will kill you."
American Dad!
"Steve, Hayley, knock it off."
American Dad!
"Hey, it's our favorite gay neighbors."
American Dad!
"What are you guys doing today? Shopping? Brunching? Parading?"
American Dad!
"Just reminding Greg and Terry I'm cool with the man-on-man crowd."
American Dad!
"You two probably wanna gossip. Dish, you queenie bitches."
American Dad!
"Actually, we do have some big news."
American Dad!
"- We've decided to have a baby. - Congratulations. Are you adopting?"
American Dad!
"No, we're having our own."
American Dad!
"...so here goes nothing."
American Dad!
"Guys, guys, a baby's not like a fire."
American Dad!
"You can't just rub two sticks together and:"
American Dad!
"We're doing in vitro fertilization."
American Dad!
"- In vitro? What's that? - Well, we've got an egg donor."
American Dad!
"...where, God willing, one of them will grow to term."
American Dad!
"I won't watch that. It's garbage. I'll tell you why. One..."
American Dad!
"Stan, this isn't science fiction."
American Dad!
"It's real fiction. And I think it's fantastic."
American Dad!
"We're even converting our gym into a nursery."
American Dad!
"Which is fine, because I don't need to work out ever again."
American Dad!
"What's that supposed to mean?"
American Dad!
"If two men open up to each other..."
American Dad!
"...and share a love more exquisite than anything a man and woman..."
American Dad!
"...could ever find together, that's their problem."
American Dad!
"But when they try to bring a child into it, I gotta put my foot down."
American Dad!
"A concerned American, Francine."
American Dad!
"I've always said you can't raise normal children in an abnormal environment."
American Dad!
"You know what that'll do to society? Girls playing with trucks."
American Dad!
"Boys playing with dolls. Horses eating each other."
American Dad!
"- Read the Bible. - Well, I admire Greg and Terry."
American Dad!
"They're taking their lives to the next level."
American Dad!
"Francine, it's unnatural."
American Dad!
"I mean, why don't I just start a family with the couch?"
American Dad!
"Hello, wife. Miss me? I missed you."
American Dad!
"Lie on your stomach. I'll prop you up with the kids."
American Dad!
"- Stan. - See how weird it gets, Francine?"
American Dad!
"- Three, two, one. - Three, two, one."
American Dad!
"Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made."
American Dad!
"For years, my conduct has been largely benign..."
American Dad!
"...and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns."
American Dad!
"You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth."
American Dad!
"And begin your life of fear..."
American Dad!
"And as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage..."
American Dad!
"...that was once your life..."
American Dad!
"...you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish."
American Dad!
"He didn't think it was funny."
American Dad!
"All they wanna do is dress something up."
American Dad!
"No. This is for when they have their baby."
American Dad!
"They're doing a wonderful thing, and I want them to know..."
American Dad!
"...that I support them in this beautiful endeavor."
American Dad!
"I couldn't agree more. Just replace "support" with "condemn"..."
American Dad!
"Are you crazy? What if Klaus got to it first?"
American Dad!
"You know what else looks like chocolate? Poison..."
American Dad!
"...when dipped in chocolate."
American Dad!
"Lovely day."
American Dad!
"...and I'm here for you two."
American Dad!
"So I brought you some of Steve and Hayley's old baby clothes."
American Dad!
"Thanks, but at this rate, we're not gonna be having a baby."
American Dad!
"Greg keeps shooting down all our surrogates."
American Dad!
"- We're down to two candidates. - Yellow teeth."
American Dad!
"Oh, no. Terry, look. This girl lists her favorite movie as Erin Brockovich."
American Dad!
"Is that the message you want our baby to absorb in utero?"
American Dad!
"Show your boobs to get clean drinking water?"
American Dad!
"You know what? I'm exhausted. You exhaust me."
American Dad!
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