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Clips from NewsRadio - Airport (S03E03)

Oh, the funny fountain.

"Oh, the funny fountain."

NewsRadio

Oh, no, no. That was-- That was really great.

"Oh, no, no. That was-- That was really great."

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Great doesn't begin to describe it.

"Great doesn't begin to describe it."

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That meal, sir, was an epiphany.

"That meal, sir, was an epiphany."

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That means I liked it. Bravo, garçon! Take a bow.

"That means I liked it. Bravo, garçon! Take a bow."

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Laying what on?

"Laying what on?"

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but I actually forgot I was faking it.

"but I actually forgot I was faking it."

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You're drunk.

"You're drunk."

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Are you actually telling me this is how you feel all the time?

"Are you actually telling me this is how you feel all the time?"

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Mr. McNeal? Yes, my good man?

"Mr. McNeal? Yes, my good man?"

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compliments of the gentleman at the bar.

"compliments of the gentleman at the bar."

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We've actually met. You guys off duty?

"We've actually met. You guys off duty?"

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You're really from New York?

"You're really from New York?"

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Oh, I don't know if it would interest Bill.

"Oh, I don't know if it would interest Bill."

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It's got kind of kick, you know.

"It's got kind of kick, you know."

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[GRUNTS]

"[GRUNTS]"

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Hello. Hello. Hello.

"Hello. Hello. Hello."

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[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]"

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Pff! Well, why would Bill want an apartment that tricks people

"Pff! Well, why would Bill want an apartment that tricks people"

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into thinking they love each other, huh?

"into thinking they love each other, huh?"

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Well, because Bill is just a really-- What?

"Well, because Bill is just a really-- What?"

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No, I don't have the faintest idea

"No, I don't have the faintest idea"

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dumped him in a ditch,

"dumped him in a ditch,"

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[LAUGHING]

"[LAUGHING]"

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You see, Dave, you were right after all.

"You see, Dave, you were right after all."

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Mm-hm.

"Mm-hm."

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[LAUGHING]

"[LAUGHING]"

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and have another drink, Boy Scout.

"and have another drink, Boy Scout."

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That plane isn't goin' anywhere

"That plane isn't goin' anywhere"

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To Bill McNeal.

"To Bill McNeal."

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Don't tell me, tell the boss.

"Don't tell me, tell the boss."

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I'll be happy to tell the boss,

"I'll be happy to tell the boss,"

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when he gets back tomorrow.

"when he gets back tomorrow."

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You, shut up. You, shut up.

"You, shut up. You, shut up."

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You, pay attention.

"You, pay attention."

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why don't you make it dinner.

"why don't you make it dinner."

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Actually, I'm sort of a stickler about safe sex.

"Actually, I'm sort of a stickler about safe sex."

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Hey, excuse me, but this particular "dumb-ass lesson,"

"Hey, excuse me, but this particular "dumb-ass lesson,""

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Can I remind you-- Now!

"Can I remind you-- Now!"

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[PHONE RINGS] Wonderful.

"[PHONE RINGS] Wonderful."

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I asked the redhead from work to do it,

"I asked the redhead from work to do it,"

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she'll probably find a way to botch the job.

"she'll probably find a way to botch the job."

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Now, what would you do with that?

"Now, what would you do with that?"

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You'd never know, talking to him, that he's actually

"You'd never know, talking to him, that he's actually"

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No. Nobody's answering the phones.

"No. Nobody's answering the phones."

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the redhead.

"the redhead."

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That's a little quick to start forgetting people's names.

"That's a little quick to start forgetting people's names."

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Four days marooned in the vast cultureless wasteland

"Four days marooned in the vast cultureless wasteland"

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between New York and Palm Springs

"between New York and Palm Springs"

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will do that to a man.

"will do that to a man."

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She's probably on a conference call

"She's probably on a conference call"

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Does that work?

"Does that work?"

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I'm sorry. Sir...

"I'm sorry. Sir..."

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They don't allow smoking inside the terminal.

"They don't allow smoking inside the terminal."

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That's okay.

"That's okay."

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I'm sorry, we're on official business here.

"I'm sorry, we're on official business here."

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You see, we're from New York City.

"You see, we're from New York City."

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Maybe you've heard of it. Bill, don't be rude.

"Maybe you've heard of it. Bill, don't be rude."

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What brings you to St. Louis, friend?

"What brings you to St. Louis, friend?"

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The prospect

"The prospect"

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of scintillating conversation

"of scintillating conversation"

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Bill.

"Bill."

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Try Matthew's direct extension.

"Try Matthew's direct extension."

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Well, we had a chance,

"Well, we had a chance,"

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but there was a movie I'd already seen about seven times

"but there was a movie I'd already seen about seven times"

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He's just trying to be friendly.

"He's just trying to be friendly."

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It's just that four solid days

"It's just that four solid days"

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It just seems so... unnatural.

"It just seems so... unnatural."

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DAVE: No, this isn't your mom.

"DAVE: No, this isn't your mom."

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It's-- It's me, Dave.

"It's-- It's me, Dave."

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Oh, hang on. I'll transfer you over there.

"Oh, hang on. I'll transfer you over there."

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No, don't transfer me. Just give me the number.

"No, don't transfer me. Just give me the number."

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And push "Hold." Don't.

"And push "Hold." Don't."

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Push 5-5-4-9. Don't.

"Push 5-5-4-9. Don't."

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are within his capabilities?

"are within his capabilities?"

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Why didn't you tell me you had a cell phone?

"Why didn't you tell me you had a cell phone?"

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Ssh. What--?

"Ssh. What--?"

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Dave, this is what's-his-name. Oh, hi.

"Dave, this is what's-his-name. Oh, hi."

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Oh, I'm originally from just outside of Milwaukee.

"Oh, I'm originally from just outside of Milwaukee."

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at Wisconsin Agricultural.

"at Wisconsin Agricultural."

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[LAUGHS WEAKLY]

"[LAUGHS WEAKLY]"

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Ugh, sort of.

"Ugh, sort of."

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There are about 50 people on the line,

"There are about 50 people on the line,"

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Oh, come on, Dave. You know it's true.

"Oh, come on, Dave. You know it's true."

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MAN [ON PA]: Paging Matthew Brock's mother.

"MAN [ON PA]: Paging Matthew Brock's mother."

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The exception that proves the rule.

"The exception that proves the rule."

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BETH: Yes, Dave, I have everything written down.

"BETH: Yes, Dave, I have everything written down."

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Okay, Dave and Bill are still stuck

"Okay, Dave and Bill are still stuck"

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in the airport in St. Louis.

"in the airport in St. Louis."

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Lisa, you get to be boss for a few more hours.

"Lisa, you get to be boss for a few more hours."

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Joe, you're to prepare a short seminar for all office staff

"Joe, you're to prepare a short seminar for all office staff"

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on how to properly transfer phone calls.

"on how to properly transfer phone calls."

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and not in St. Louis...?

"and not in St. Louis...?"

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to go to Bill's apartment and water his plants,

"to go to Bill's apartment and water his plants,"

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which might take a while, because I have to do

"which might take a while, because I have to do"

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four days worth of watering all at once.

"four days worth of watering all at once."

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Now, wait. There's nothing for me?

"Now, wait. There's nothing for me?"

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All the girls have to give Mr. James a big kiss.

"All the girls have to give Mr. James a big kiss."

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Thank you. Mm-wah.

"Thank you. Mm-wah."

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[SUCKING]

"[SUCKING]"

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Thank you, Matthew.

"Thank you, Matthew."

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You know, Bill, there's nothing they can do

"You know, Bill, there's nothing they can do"

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about the fact that we're snowed in,

"about the fact that we're snowed in,"

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and wait patiently. Sorry, my friend,

"and wait patiently. Sorry, my friend,"

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Please, don't make a scene.

"Please, don't make a scene."

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for the Guggenheim.

"for the Guggenheim."

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Have you ever heard the expression

"Have you ever heard the expression"

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Hm? Great. I knew it.

"Hm? Great. I knew it."

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Four days in the Midwest and you've already reverted

"Four days in the Midwest and you've already reverted"

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No, this is who I am, Bill.

"No, this is who I am, Bill."

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I'm-- I'm a-a polite, reasonable, friendly person.

"I'm-- I'm a-a polite, reasonable, friendly person."

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You're like one of those trained police attack-dogs

"You're like one of those trained police attack-dogs"

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and gets eaten by a deer or something.

"and gets eaten by a deer or something."

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What?

"What?"

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Have you ever heard the expression,

"Have you ever heard the expression,"

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when life gives you lemons, make lemonade

"when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

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and then toss it in the face

"and then toss it in the face"

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of the person who gave you the lemons

"of the person who gave you the lemons"

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until they give you the oranges you asked for

"until they give you the oranges you asked for"

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in the first place?

"in the first place?"

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