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Clips from Archer - Deadly Velvet: Part 1 (S07E07)

"But now I'm worried she might fall for Archer."
Archer
"If she hasn't already."
Archer
"Which..."
Archer
"But, please, do make yourself at home."
Archer
"Faites comme chez vouz, as the French say."
Archer
"Please, take your time."
Archer
"Oh, and there should be a bottle of champagne chilling."
Archer
"So you want us to quit doing our jobs"
Archer
"to help you cockblock Archer?"
Archer
"Well, I... Wait. Was that sarcastic, or..."
Archer
"Really?"
Archer
"Enough to shoot a mule?"
Archer
"You lost me."
Archer
"I mean, in all my years of accounting,"
Archer
"And I've seen some pretty crazy stuff."
Archer
"Treating deferred revenue as earned revenue,"
Archer
"But pretend I'm not HAL 9000."
Archer
"Okay, the best I can tell, basically,"
Archer
"But Crane was going on and on about not wanting to lose the insurance..."
Archer
"Yeah, that's the proverbial rub."
Archer
"by a shell corporation in Florida,"
Archer
"and so on and so on down the line"
Archer
"Pff. The Cousin Oliver of Africa."
Archer
"wait for it... Sandhill-Crane."
Archer
"So? Some panhandle trash-bird?"
Archer
"And apparently I'm the only one who's gonna say it, so..."
Archer
"Sandhill-Crane could just be a coincidence."
Archer
"No, we need to catch Crane in the act somehow."
Archer
"Maybe if we used someone as bait."
Archer
"Yeah, I don't know. How would that even..."
Archer
"Yeah, see? When we feather it out like that,"
Archer
"What the hell are you doing?"
Archer
"All right, Cyril."
Archer
"So if Crane really is behind all these accidents,"
Archer
"the question is how do we catch him?"
Archer
"I thought that was rhetorical."
Archer
"How do we stop Archer from hooking up with Veronica?"
Archer
"Wh... Jesus."
Archer
"What? Then you swoop in and take care of her,"
Archer
"and then slowly, after many years,"
Archer
"she might fall in some weird semblance of love with you."
Archer
"Okay, but the perfect is the enemy of the good."
Archer
"Mm."
Archer
"Ooh. How about I seduce her?"
Archer
"Yeah, I don't think she's bisexual."
Archer
"Who cares?"
Archer
"Plus, I bet she'd prefer the acid."
Archer
"- Looking for acid. - No, we're not."
Archer
"This is no time to be taking your damn drugs, you hippie dropouts."
Archer
"We think Ellis Crane might be the one who's sabotaging the production."
Archer
"- Who's Ellis Crane? - I knew it."
Archer
"I mean, I didn't know it. I had no idea whatsoever."
Archer
"But now that you say it, it makes total sense."
Archer
"Ooh. How about I seduce him?"
Archer
"Pam, I doubt the man is bisexual."
Archer
"Who care... Wait, what?"
Archer
"I..."
Archer
"She knows you're a woman, right?"
Archer
"Yeah, but she was all tore-up drunk."
Archer
"Oh, right. Plus I was wearing a stra..."
Archer
"She certainly did."
Archer
"Who did what?"
Archer
"Seriously, don't ask."
Archer
"Do you think there's anything about Archer"
Archer
"that women would find to be a turnoff?"
Archer
"Oh, you're serious."
Archer
"- Why? - Well, he and Veronica"
Archer
"Uh-huh."
Archer
"And since apparently Archer's penis is like a crack pipe..."
Archer
"What, in size and/or shape?"
Archer
"They said if he has sex with Veronica, she'll fall head over heels for him."
Archer
"Yes."
Archer
"Did you, um..."
Archer
"Mm-hmm."
Archer
"But as much as I'd love to lie here and bask"
Archer
"Yes, almost exactly 3:00,"
Archer
"So I'll just wait for you here, or..."
Archer
"Um, sure."
Archer
"but it's almost the stroke of 3:00."
Archer
"Ahh..."
Archer
"Oh, man, I can't believe"
Archer
"I just made love to Veronica Deane."
Archer
"I wonder if this is how Tenzing Norgay felt."
Archer
"Holy shit, I wonder if this is how Tenzing Norgay always feels."
Archer
"What, sticky?"
Archer
"Gulp."
Archer
"You know, we could just confront Crane"
Archer
"Yeah, but maybe his reaction would give him away."
Archer
"All right. So we just barge into his dressing room and..."
Archer
"ambush him!"
Archer
"Because you said we were on a break!"
Archer
"Oh, I'm sorry, Lana, is there a grace period?"
Archer
"- If there is, you neglected to tell me. - There's an acceptable amount of time"
Archer
"You never bother to consult me on anything."
Archer
"And for your information, this stupid break wasn't my idea."
Archer
"It was yours!"
Archer
"are infatuated with Veronica Deane,"
Archer
"whose cobwebby old snooch, by the way, I can smell from here."
Archer
"Lana!"
Archer
"So that's your plan."
Archer
"Yep."
Archer
"We just slam the door open and say..."
Archer
"Don't do it!"
Archer
"Um..."
Archer
"What?"
Archer
"I, um..."
Archer
"Man, you ever do that..."
Archer
"Will you idiots please leave so I can beat this man's ass in private?"
Archer
"- Out of my way. - Follow that ass."
Archer
"Mother! Mother, are you all right?"
Archer
"I... I heard you scream."
Archer
"That wasn't me. It was this one."
Archer
"Well, it was very upsetting."
Archer
"- Whoa. - Oh, my God."
Archer
"Oh. Yeah, that is pretty upsetting."
Archer
"Well, I'm sorry, Mother."
Archer
"I would've worn a black one."
Archer
"Okay, people, uh, listen up."
Archer
"This is now an active homicide investigation,"
Archer
"and while the situation on the ground may be somewhat fluid..."
Archer
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