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Clips from The Office - Diwali (S03E03)

"Thank you."
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"Now a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million"
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"and that's true, but it's also not true, because frankly,"
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"Here are some famous Indians."
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"Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar."
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"He is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist. Impressive."
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"Apu from The Simpsons. Hilarious Indian."
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"M. Night Shyamalan, The Village, Unbreakable, Sixth Sense..."
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""I see dead people." Okay."
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"Spoiler alert."
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"He was dead the whole time. Just stop it."
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"Did you shake it?"
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"Excuse me? Roller-coastery friendship."
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"Hot and cold, on again, off again, sexual tension-filled type of deal."
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"And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions."
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"I present to you the Kama Sutra."
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"I mean, look at that. Who has seen that before?"
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"I have, that's Union of the Monkey."
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"You know, I find this incredibly offensive."
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"Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine,"
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"No. Actually, she's right."
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"This is inappropriate. Why don't I take these?"
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"MICHAEL: No, you're not going to collect them."
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"Yeah. No, this is a delightful, charming culture."
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"Toby decided he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images."
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"It's just sex, people, everybody does it."
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"I'm doing it with Carole probably tonight."
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"All right, I think you guys should be all set."
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"Oh, here's the corporate card for dinner. Thanks."
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"to do order form consolidation which,"
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"amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds."
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"You guys ready to party?"
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"I said, "Are you ready to party!""
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"Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes?"
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"I wish some of us still had our shoes on."
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"Stop it. It's a disease. I told you."
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"What does that look like to you?"
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"No one's even gonna notice."
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"Nice outfit."
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"Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. So you can just cool it, okay?"
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"Carole? Carole..."
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"I'll have one of those as well."
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"Thank you very much. Thank you."
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"Now these are limes, lemons, onions..."
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"I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat?"
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"It's all vegetarian."
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"Oh, yuck, oh..."
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"What, is it too spicy? No."
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"They're not s'mores, they're samosas."
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"Do you think they have any s'mores?"
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"All they are is chocolate, graham cracker and marshmallow."
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"(SPEAKING IN HINDl)"
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"What? Rupa, Neepa, Tiffany,"
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"Come on, Ryan. Come on. Leave him alone! I hate you guys."
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"RYAN: They said something about Zach Braff..."
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"Don't even listen to them..."
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"Very official."
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"I decided to come."
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"I feel a little underdressed,"
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"but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right?"
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"Is that mean?"
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"(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Temp! Temp!"
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"I don't even want to hear it, okay?"
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"Stop it. Stop it right now."
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"I didn't come to Diwali to get yelled at."
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"Ryan is a temporary worker. Makes no money."
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"Vali is a whole doctor, so handsome. Makes good money..."
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"Do you think I want to date a doctor?"
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"Hey, Big Tuna, you ready?"
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"One, two, three, shot!"
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"Oh, holy mother of God..."
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"ANDY: Golly... That's good..."
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"(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Wow! Thirty years."
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"And you two only met once before the wedding night?"
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"How long have you been married to the cheerleader?"
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"(MICHAEL EXCLAIMS)"
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"She's not a cheerleader! She thought this was a costume party."
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"No, we're not married"
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"She is very fair."
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"She is very fair. Very fair and very kind."
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"So, tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing"
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"where when you die, she has to throw herself on a fire?"
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"No, okay."
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"One, two, three, shot!"
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"(INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Are you okay?"
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"I'm gonna be."
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"Hi. I'm just gonna... Just for a sec. Just a sec."
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"Everyone? I'm sorry. Could I have your attention, please?"
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"Thank you. Hi. Sorry, I just have an announcement to make."
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"Okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight,"
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"And I know you're all thinking,"
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""Who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?""
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"So, without further ado, Carole..."
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"Carol Stills,"
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"I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband."
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"(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)"
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"Oh, Michael..."
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"What do you say?"
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"Can we talk about this in private?"
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"I didn't hear you?"
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"Can we talk about this in private?"
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"Oh, you gotta be kidding."
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"Okay."
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"(MICROPHONE THUDS)"
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"This is our ninth date, Michael."
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"Well, yeah. But I..."
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"I feel like I've known you many lifetimes."
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"Maybe I'm Hindu after all. Okay, I'm not Hindu, but..."
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"Carole, Carole, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much."
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"I'd better go. Okay? You can find a way home, all right?"
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"Okay. Okay."
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"Okay. Good night."
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"Good night. Hey, you know what?"
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"'Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra..."
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"Okay, good night, Michael. All right."
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"(ENGINE STARTING)"
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"Well, I was a temp, but I got promoted."
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