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Clips from NewsRadio - Christmas (S03E03)

She did?

"She did?"

NewsRadio

I-- Um, Bill, I'm sorry.

"I-- Um, Bill, I'm sorry."

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I...

"I..."

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[LAUGHING] No, I was joking. She's not really dead.

"[LAUGHING] No, I was joking. She's not really dead."

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[LAUGHING]

"[LAUGHING]"

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Good one.

"Good one."

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You were gonna tell us that we can't leave early today.

"You were gonna tell us that we can't leave early today."

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This is so bogus.

"This is so bogus."

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What?

"What?"

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I-- I mean, everyone's been working very hard

"I-- I mean, everyone's been working very hard"

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so if you need to go, feel free.

"so if you need to go, feel free."

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that we will all get our work done before we leave.

"that we will all get our work done before we leave."

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Yeah. BETH: Yes.

"Yeah. BETH: Yes."

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Well, if there's nothing else,

"Well, if there's nothing else,"

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then merry Christmas.

"then merry Christmas."

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for a little Christmas surprise.

"for a little Christmas surprise."

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Hey...

"Hey..."

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BILL: Ha.

"BILL: Ha."

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No, more like a nickel.

"No, more like a nickel."

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[SIGHS]

"[SIGHS]"

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When you bent over to lick the tracks, man,

"When you bent over to lick the tracks, man,"

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[BUZZ] Oh!

"[BUZZ] Oh!"

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Okay, I've got it all worked out.

"Okay, I've got it all worked out."

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and we take a cab out to the airport,

"and we take a cab out to the airport,"

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drive to my parents' house

"drive to my parents' house"

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Yes, we take the red eye right after dinner.

"Yes, we take the red eye right after dinner."

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We're like...out of there. Yes.

"We're like...out of there. Yes."

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I do wanna go. Y-- No, you don't.

"I do wanna go. Y-- No, you don't."

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I do. I really do wanna go. I'm sorry, I'm just nervous.

"I do. I really do wanna go. I'm sorry, I'm just nervous."

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that my girlfriend Lisa couldn't make it,

"that my girlfriend Lisa couldn't make it,"

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and you're just some whore I picked up at the airport.

"and you're just some whore I picked up at the airport."

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Tell you what, I'll prepare a dossier

"Tell you what, I'll prepare a dossier"

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Uh, no, he's not, sir. Oh.

"Uh, no, he's not, sir. Oh."

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I still don't see what you need Matthew for.

"I still don't see what you need Matthew for."

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I got about 70 guys who have everything,

"I got about 70 guys who have everything,"

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Mr. James, you looking for me? Oh, there you are.

"Mr. James, you looking for me? Oh, there you are."

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All right, let's continue.

"All right, let's continue."

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Rupert's a funny name.

"Rupert's a funny name."

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Rupert.

"Rupert."

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of a monkey.

"of a monkey."

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No, we got him that last year.

"No, we got him that last year."

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Amazing.

"Amazing."

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Catherine... Just the person I'm looking for.

"Catherine... Just the person I'm looking for."

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Why is that? I'm making an audition tape

"Why is that? I'm making an audition tape"

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and I need someone to play the part of the wife.

"and I need someone to play the part of the wife."

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Beth, just the person I'm looking for.

"Beth, just the person I'm looking for."

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Huh?

"Huh?"

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and I need someone to read the part of the wife.

"and I need someone to read the part of the wife."

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Thank you.

"Thank you."

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you wouldn't do the commercial.

"you wouldn't do the commercial."

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Oh, thank you, God, for creating suckers.

"Oh, thank you, God, for creating suckers."

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Right on.

"Right on."

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All right...

"All right..."

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so we'll have to work fast.

"so we'll have to work fast."

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Here are my holiday promos, Dave.

"Here are my holiday promos, Dave."

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And that's the last of my work,

"And that's the last of my work,"

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Some of them.

"Some of them."

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Sort of.

"Sort of."

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What--?

"What--?"

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No, uh, it looks like, uh...

"No, uh, it looks like, uh..."

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I'll finish your promos for you.

"I'll finish your promos for you."

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Now where were we? Let's see. Uh...

"Now where were we? Let's see. Uh..."

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Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen. Right.

"Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen. Right."

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that you're picking gifts for?

"that you're picking gifts for?"

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You wanna show some respect, please?

"You wanna show some respect, please?"

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David Geffen.

"David Geffen."

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Okay, then some CD's.

"Okay, then some CD's."

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Hey, what's up?

"Hey, what's up?"

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Joe, uh... What are you doing?

"Joe, uh... What are you doing?"

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Preemptive strike, baby.

"Preemptive strike, baby."

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JAMES: Okay.

"JAMES: Okay."

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Peanut butter.

"Peanut butter."

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Beth, come here, I've got great news.

"Beth, come here, I've got great news."

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Two crazy elves Ha.

"Two crazy elves Ha."

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Oh, Bill, you know, you make Christmas exciting again.

"Oh, Bill, you know, you make Christmas exciting again."

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those Christmas cards for the advertisers.

"those Christmas cards for the advertisers."

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This garage door company wants me and Bill

"This garage door company wants me and Bill"

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I'm not a--

"I'm not a--"

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All right, bring me the cards.

"All right, bring me the cards."

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I know. I think there's something really wrong with my hand, seriously.

"I know. I think there's something really wrong with my hand, seriously."

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Actual garage unit does not include installation or maintenance.

"Actual garage unit does not include installation or maintenance."

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Ready to go?

"Ready to go?"

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I'm-- I'm kind of busy.

"I'm-- I'm kind of busy."

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I have to address these envelopes.

"I have to address these envelopes."

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What?

"What?"

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Yeah, I booked us on a later flight. Oh.

"Yeah, I booked us on a later flight. Oh."

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uh, then I have to cart Catherine's holiday promos,

"uh, then I have to cart Catherine's holiday promos,"

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Oh, okay. What does that mean, "mix it up"?

"Oh, okay. What does that mean, "mix it up"?"

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They're gonna try someone different.

"They're gonna try someone different."

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Shoot.

"Shoot."

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If-- You know, just...

"If-- You know, just..."

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[SIGHS]

"[SIGHS]"

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Well, it's no big deal. This ad's smalltime.

"Well, it's no big deal. This ad's smalltime."

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I won't let you down.

"I won't let you down."

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Uh, never mind. Sorry.

"Uh, never mind. Sorry."

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Bill, I feel terrible.

"Bill, I feel terrible."

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weeping into a sofa cushion.

"weeping into a sofa cushion."

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It's all right. She didn't-- I'm not very comfortable---

"It's all right. She didn't-- I'm not very comfortable---"

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Don't do anything foolish.

"Don't do anything foolish."

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You can use the money, right?

"You can use the money, right?"

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What if there's no chemistry between me and this Roger guy?

"What if there's no chemistry between me and this Roger guy?"

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so they have to use you? What if I do that?

"so they have to use you? What if I do that?"

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Mm-hmm. Did you throw out all the food that was in the fridge?

"Mm-hmm. Did you throw out all the food that was in the fridge?"

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Thanks, chief. All right, merry Christmas.

"Thanks, chief. All right, merry Christmas."

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Uh...

"Uh..."

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Joe?

"Joe?"

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That's because it's a D-- [LAUGHS]

"That's because it's a D-- [LAUGHS]"

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[GRUFFLY] That's because it's a Dream Come True.

"[GRUFFLY] That's because it's a Dream Come True."

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That's because--

"That's because--"

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[COUGHS]

"[COUGHS]"

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Silly!

"Silly!"

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[COUGHS]

"[COUGHS]"

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No, no, just do it right with Roger and let's get out of here.

"No, no, just do it right with Roger and let's get out of here."

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No, I can't. No, really, I don't mind.

"No, I can't. No, really, I don't mind."

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[HOARSELY] I can't because my voice is shot.

"[HOARSELY] I can't because my voice is shot."

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One more time.

"One more time."

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I-I can't, because I think my voice is shot.

"I-I can't, because I think my voice is shot."

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Oh, no, not at all. Okay, great.

"Oh, no, not at all. Okay, great."

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Here's all the raw data you're gonna need.

"Here's all the raw data you're gonna need."

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and pretend to be me while I'm gone.

"and pretend to be me while I'm gone."

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