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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Maternal Capacitance (S02E02)

"It's cold."
The Big Bang Theory
"I'll start again."
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"Oh, I don't know where he got that."
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"Aside from a pro-forma consummation of our marriage..."
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"Mine from a neuroscientific point of view and his from an anthropological."
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"Of course."
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"I would very much like to read about your sex life."
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"Well, it's all online or you can order it from the Princeton University Press."
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"So, what are you guys talking about?"
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"The frequency with which your parents had intercourse."
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"If you're lucky, maybe she'll show you the PowerPoint presentation."
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"I'm sorry, it's on my other laptop."
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"So, Mother..."
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"- ...what's new? - You'll have to be more specific."
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"Oh, well, I've been having some fascinating menopausal symptoms recently."
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"Maybe something less personal?"
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"Your Uncle Floyd died."
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"Oh, my God. What happened?"
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"His heart stopped beating."
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"What a remarkable woman."
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"Yeah, l-- I thought you guys might hit it off."
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"I hate to tell you..."
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"You're clearly misremembering. Your mother is brilliant, analytical, insightful."
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"Sheldon, you don't give your mother enough credit."
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"She's warm, she's loving, she doesn't glue electrodes to your head..."
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"...to measure your brain waves while potty training."
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"When I was a kid, if I wanted an EEG, I had to attach my own electrodes."
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"...Leonard rarely talks about his incredibly successful brother and sister."
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"- Please don't go there, Howard. - You know, I understand..."
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"Boy, you suck."
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"So she's close to curing diabetes?"
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"Wow, you must be very proud."
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"Why? They're not my accomplishments."
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"I have to urinate."
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"- Why are you doing this? - You know the rules."
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"You brought your mom to work. You must suffer."
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"Yeah, you're like the Jar Jar Binks of the Hofstadter family."
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"Oh, meesa think yousa looking so, so sad."
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"Rather than mock me..."
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"...my friends might realize this is difficult and try to help me through it."
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"That was fast."
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"Oh, the middle stall was occupied. I'll have to try again later."
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"...it's location, location, location."
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"So where were we?"
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"Howard lives with his mother and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go."
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"Oh, that's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare."
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"On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common..."
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"...it borders on sociological cliché."
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"It's just temporary. I pay rent."
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"He lives in the same room where his bassinet was."
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"Both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother..."
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"...can stem from a pathological fear of women."
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"...to satisfy your need for intimacy."
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"Say what?"
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"Meesa thinking yousa looking pretty sad..."
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"...now too, betcha, betcha."
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"No hurry, mother. Tell them more about their secret love for each other."
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"But it's 1:00. You were going to show me your laboratory at 1:00."
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"Fine. Let's go."
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"...the dark matter signal found in sodium-iodide crystals by the Italians."
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"No."
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"What's the point of my seeing it?"
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"Okay, just for the record, we're not in an ersatz homosexual relationship."
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"- Why is it always my responsibility? - Oh, it's not always your responsibility."
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"I can't believe you're bringing that up."
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"Well, you always say that, but we never do."
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"You went to the comic book store without me?"
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"- Hey. - You got alcohol?"
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"Come on in."
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"She's not gonna come here looking for you, is she?"
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"- Oh, my God. What happened? - Nothing."
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"I talked to her for five minutes yesterday and I've been half bombed ever since."
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"You can't let her get into your head."
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"- My head, what about yours? - It's too late for me."
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"My head is her summer house."
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"She was right, you know."
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"The locus of my identity is totally exterior to me."
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"Oh, yeah, there she is. Hi, mom."
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"Do you know where I was all morning?"
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"Auditioning with 50 other blondes for some stupid antidepressant commercial."
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"And for what? So I'll finally get my daddy's approval?"
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"No, they said I was too perky."
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"Wanna talk about not getting love from a parent?"
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"Yeah, you grabbed your penis and wouldn't let go."
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"Your mother told me."
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"Of course she did. That's not what I was gonna say."
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"I got a mannequin, stuffed it with an electric blanket so it'd be warm..."
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"- Know what the saddest part was? - What?"
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"My father used to borrow it."
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"You have a remarkable brain."
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"I know."
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"Although I've always hated how my right frontal lobe looks in pictures."
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"Common complaint among men."
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"Nothing's ever big enough."
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"Oh, I'll send you a link, but its physiology is fairly unimpressive."
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"Oh, I can't believe that."
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"Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery."
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"My apologies."
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"I doubt it, but if anyone has a chance, it's probably you."
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"What are the odds..."
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"...that two individuals as unique as ourselves..."
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"Is that a rhetorical point or would you like to do the math?"
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"- Okay, now this time... - Uh-huh."
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"...off my neck..."
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"Neck."
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"Lime."
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"Dah! Where's the lime?"
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"So, what do you think?"
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"I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate."
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"Normally, I'd feel the same way."
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"But based on everything I've observed about us..."
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"True. I've had a similar observation."
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"It's certainly something I could never do with my husband."
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"I was hesitant the first time I tried it..."
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"...but I experienced an unanticipated and remarkable release of endorphins."
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"- It's quite satisfying. - Mm."
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"You see right through me, don't you?"
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"Only when you're in a CAT scanner."
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"Honey. Shush, shush, shush."
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"You shush. I'm happy. I wanna talk about it."
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