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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - False Positive (S06E06)

"You get a lap dance!"
How I Met Your Mother
"You get a lap dance!"
How I Met Your Mother
"You are gonna give me a lap dance!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul."
How I Met Your Mother
"I gotta keep going. I gotta do more."
How I Met Your Mother
"No. No. I cannot go back to that strip club."
How I Met Your Mother
"I've seen some things."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm not going back either."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm takin' the rest of my bonus to God's strip club."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] The next day, he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew..."
How I Met Your Mother
"his half-brother's father... Sam Gibbs, a minister at a church out on Long Island."
How I Met Your Mother
"Sam... Uh, Father."
How I Met Your Mother
"I-I don't mean Father Father."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Unless... - What's up, Barney?"
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"I'm thinking about giving some money to charity."
How I Met Your Mother
"Is that the name of the stripper you been e-mailing me about?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You gotta take me off that list, Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"That Charity is doin' Peachy."
How I Met Your Mother
"You'll see pics of the two of 'em in next week's e-mail. What up!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, I'm a minister."
How I Met Your Mother
"Unsubscribe."
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"I... I recently started giving..."
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"and it felt surprisingly good."
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"- I wanna do more. - Well, now you're talking."
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"We have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet."
How I Met Your Mother
"We give them food, a place to live, clothes for job interviews."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, I would love to help by writing a check..."
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"for one-zero-zero-zero..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You're not pregnant. - [Both Gasping]"
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"Whoops. Hold on a second."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Thinking] Waitl"
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"They're not doing something meaningful with their lives."
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"Oh, no. I've already written four zeros."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Gasps] Thank you, decimal point."
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"$100.00."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's great."
How I Met Your Mother
"Thank you, Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me."
How I Met Your Mother
"What happened to giving the money away?"
How I Met Your Mother
"That was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not."
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"Ergo, a suit is born. [Chuckles]"
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"Dude, what's up with the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous."
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"It's a Christmas-themed movie snack."
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"Oh, I know that move."
How I Met Your Mother
"You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree."
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"# O holy night #"
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"Nice."
How I Met Your Mother
"Where the hell are Marshall and Lily?"
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"[Ted Narrating] Let's back up one last time."
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"- I'm pregnant. - [Robin] What?"
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"I've never seen that woman before in my life."
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"Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations!"
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"[Thinking] This is great. I'm happy."
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"I'm so happy my heart's pounding."
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"And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe."
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"This is what happiness feels like, right?"
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"Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby, and I'm having a panic attack."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. - [Thinking] I can."
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"And I'm freaking out tool"
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"There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vaginal"
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"- Do you think the others can tell we're freakin'out? - What am I doing with my life?"
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"What am I doing with my life?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night."
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"They're totally on to us. What do we do?"
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"No, don't wavel That makes no sensel"
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"I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell."
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"Let's leave. Then the waving will make sense."
How I Met Your Mother
"- See you guys tomorrow. - [Ted Narrating] So Lily and Marshall headed home."
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"True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare."
How I Met Your Mother
"So I say we make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives..."
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"and do everything on that list tonight!"
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"- Let's do it! - [Screaming]"
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"Uh-huh. Got it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay. That seems easy."
How I Met Your Mother
"Nursery's painted."
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"- Blue? What if it's a girl? - Damn it!"
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"# Freakin'out? Freakin'out? Freakin'out? ##"
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"Oh, God, it's 8:00. We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together."
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"- Can you keep it together? - No, I can't keep it together!"
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"[Robin] I have never seen you guys looking so at peace."
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"- [Both Exhale] - To Lily and Marshall."
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"- To Lily and Marshall. - Well, thank you."
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"I mean, we've never been happier."
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"This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong!"
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"[Gasping] The iPod was on shuffle!"
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"The Jerky Boys."
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"Our baby heard The Jerky Boys!"
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"- The Jerky Boys are funny. - The Jerky Boys aren't funny! They are awful!"
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"Fine. If you don't think The Jerky Boys are funny..."
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"then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips!"
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"[Gasps]"
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"- Marshall, I don't like this. - I know."
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"Okay? I don't like it either."
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"It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest..."
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"and nothing will make it go away!"
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"- You're not pregnant. - Well, that did it."
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"I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment."
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"Yeah."
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"Huge bummer."
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"So disappointing."
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"- # Snow on the ground, snow in the... # - Hey. You guys okay?"
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"Yeah. Why wouldn't we be?"
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"Oh, the baby thing."
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"Oh, yeah. Whatever."
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"Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice."
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"[Laughing] Don't reach into the living room."
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"Wow. I thought you guys would be devastated."
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"Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved."
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"We were freakin' out for about a day and a half there."
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"Yeah. This whole thing got us thinking..."
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"maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all."
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"- We were thinking maybe we'd just get a dog. - Get a puppy!"
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"Can you imagine? You could put it in little human shirts..."
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"- [Yelling] - Whoa!"
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"- Our movie snack. - Are you kidding me?"
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"All you ever talk about is having kids!"
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"And now you have one little freak-out and you wanna get a dog instead?"
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"No. Unacceptable."
How I Met Your Mother
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