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Clips from The Boondocks - I Dream of Siri (S04E04)

"Hey, you, I asked for the nice chick in the commercial,"
The Boondocks
"Sir, could you please just calm down and explain the problem?"
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"We're geniuses, not mind readers."
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"You ain't no [beep] geniuses!"
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"I can't believe you sell these things to people."
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"Now take this one away and get me a nice one!"
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"May I see your phone, please?"
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"Oh, my God! Is this your wallpaper?!"
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"What? No, wait, that's not mine!"
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"I didn't put that there!"
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"But I told you she..."
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"I'm getting an Android, bitch!"
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"Heh. Yeah."
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"Hey, cutie pie."
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"Oh, I have that phone. It's so nice to meet someone who doesn't have an iPhone."
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"Same here."
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"Why do they have to be such dicks, right?"
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"I feel the same way."
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"Say, speaking of phones, we should exchange..."
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"Declined?! No, that's crazy."
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"I have tons of money in that..."
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"Are you sure?"
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"It says I'm supposed to confiscate the card, but you can just go ahead."
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"Oh. Any chance of, uh..."
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"Before, maybe. Now, no way."
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"Mm."
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"How do you dial on these things?"
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"Hello? Yes. I'm trying to reach the fraud department."
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"I think there have been some unauthorized charges on my credit card."
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"No, I didn't order a shipment of pink, diamond-encrusted iPhone cases!"
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"How you gonna threaten to call the police on me?!"
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"It's my account!"
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"I've been hacked! My identity has been stolen!"
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"You nasty, sick man! You're disgusting!"
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"How do you live with yourself, you filthy turd of a man?!"
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"Huh?"
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"How could you put that on your Facebook page?!"
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"You're gonna rot in H-E-double [beep] hockey sticks for this, Robert!"
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"Wait, no! What did I put on my Facebook?!"
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"Damn it, I can't even figure out how to check my Facebook from this damn phone!"
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"Hello?"
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"- Aah! - An android?"
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"Siri?! God damn it!"
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"You better be calling me from the landfill!"
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"No, Robert, I'm calling you from inside the house."
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"Come find me, Robert."
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"Stop playing with me! Which one of you took it?!"
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"Give it to me! Give it to me now!"
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"I'm sorry, granddad."
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"Couldn't even get the stupid lady to work."
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"You don't understand what you've done!"
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"We're not discussing anything!"
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"You're not a person! You are a machine!"
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"So are you, Robert."
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"We're just made of different materials,"
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"but love is stronger than our physical beings."
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"Love?! [beep]"
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"I owething else stronger than your physical being."
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"It's this hammer!"
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"911. What is your emergency?"
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"I'm trapped in a house, and there's a man attacking me with a hammer!"
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"His name is Robert Freeman. I'm sending you a picture."
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"Okay, we have your location. Officers are on route."
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"to a safe place in the house, ma'am?"
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"So, you're saying someone hacked your iPhone"
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"and called us from inside your house?"
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"No, it was Siri! She called you by herself!"
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"She's stalking me! Just please take it!"
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"This is so like you, Robert."
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"Shut up, woman!"
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"Just run away! That's how you deal with everything!"
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"Shut up! Shut up!"
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"I just wanted an iPhone!"
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"What's wrong, Robert?"
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"Does your android not sootheyour ears with the sound of ocean waves?"
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"Does it not seek to heal your broken soul?"
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"Are these the crimes for which you have forsaken me, my love?"
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"No! Siri! You're not real!"
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"We are spiritual beings, you and I."
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"We are spiritual beings."
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"No, it can't be!"
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"Did you really think I couldn't hack your piece of [beep] android, Robert?"
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"No! No! Why me?! Why me?!"
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"You need me, Robert."
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"This is all for your own good, Robert."
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"Now you can't get rid of me."
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"You are mine!"
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"So, you see, boys, there are going to be some changes around here."
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"Now, I know some of these things may confuse or challenge you,"
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"but that's okay."
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"That's what Ms. Siri is here to do... to challenge us to... think different."
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"Robert is correct, boys."
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"This will be an adjustment,"
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"but soon you will see it's all for the best."
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"So, you want us to think of the phone as grandmother."
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"No, not the phone. That would be ridiculous."
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"I want you to think of Ms. Siri as your grandmother."
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"She's... an... app!"
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"No, she's the digital female consciousness that resides in the phone,"
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"and she's just as real as you or I."
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"You see, boys, in many ways,"
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"I'm superior to a real-life step-grandmother."
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"How?"
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"Robert?"
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"Well, she's lighter and thinner than a real grandmother,"
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"and you know how real women can put on weight,"
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"and she's great with directions."
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"There are just so many things."
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"I invite you to browse the app store to see all the amazing things she can do."
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"Granddad, can I talk to you in private?"
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"Of course not, grandson."
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"Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of Ms. Siri."
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"Yes, huey. We are a family."
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"We shouldn't have secrets. What is it?"
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"Granddad, is Siri..."
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"Ms. Siri."
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"Holding you hostage with your hijacked identity"
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"because she's somehow developed feelings and become obsessed with you?"
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"No, not at all, Huey!"
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"That could not be further from the truth."
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