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Clips from M*A*S*H - The Longjohn Flap (S01E01)

"|wanta local."
M*A*S*H
"And I wanna know what you guys are doing every step ofthe way."
M*A*S*H
"— Okay, Henry. Don‘t worry. — I want——"
M*A*S*H
"Just take it easy. Relax. Leave this to us."
M*A*S*H
"I saw this in a movie once."
M*A*S*H
"— What are you gonna do with those? —j ust gonna expose your skin."
M*A*S*H
"— No, no! —I haven‘t even touched you yet!"
M*A*S*H
"[Snipping Sounds]"
M*A*S*H
"Clamp."
M*A*S*H
"Here ’5 the announcement you ’ve all been waiting for."
M*A*S*H
"Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake is the proud father..."
M*A*S*H
"of a bouncing baby appendix."
M*A*S*H
"Henry’s doing fine."
M*A*S*H
"And the underwear has been 5a i/ed/"
M*A*S*H
"[Cheering Applause]"
M*A*S*H
"Colonel Blake wants to thankyou for saving his life, Hawkeye."
M*A*S*H
"—I hope that‘s a discharge. — Oh, no."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s these."
M*A*S*H
"Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"[Sneezes]"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, no."
M*A*S*H
"No, no! No, no, no!"
M*A*S*H
"[Coughing]"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, no! Uh—uh! Forget it!"
M*A*S*H
"No, sir. No, sir!"
M*A*S*H
"The mosquito netting and the summer underwear were very much appreciated."
M*A*S*H
"my thighs don‘t know each other anymore."
M*A*S*H
"To bury me."
M*A*S*H
"What a terrific invention."
M*A*S*H
"I can‘t, Hawkeye. I promised I‘d sit with someone else."
M*A*S*H
"Let‘s get closer."
M*A*S*H
"Those are mine, you hermaphroditic weasel!"
M*A*S*H
"What would you give up for me?"
M*A*S*H
"The moon, Margaret. The moon."
M*A*S*H
"You know how my fingers bleed when the slightest winter breezes start."
M*A*S*H
"These."
M*A*S*H
"You tell your fingers to start bleeding, Frank, and get out!"
M*A*S*H
"Never mind the small talk. This is a stickup."
M*A*S*H
"Major Houlihan has the long underwear!"
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t know the nights I‘ve lain awake dreaming ofthis moment."
M*A*S*H
"— There you are, soldier. — Thankyou, Father."
M*A*S*H
"Whoeveryou took these from must be very cold right now."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll ask around. And then meanwhile, I‘ll stay very close to these."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"[ Wind Howling]"
M*A*S*H
"Let me feel your abdomen."
M*A*S*H
"How long have you had these pains, Henry?"
M*A*S*H
"He‘s burning up. I think his indigestion is about to burst."
M*A*S*H
"We‘rea hit."
M*A*S*H
"To the best of my knowledge, the entire outfit is enduring severe hardship..."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll betyou did."
M*A*S*H
"Every night it keeps getting closer."
M*A*S*H
"— Double—weave longjohns. — Double—weave?"
M*A*S*H
"Look, I‘m planning on conducting a very thorough investigation."
M*A*S*H
"Howmuch?"
M*A*S*H
"Put your hand in there."
M*A*S*H
"I knew you‘d say that. First thing you guys wanna do is cut a guy open."
M*A*S*H
"— Okay, let me see your cards. — You better win, pal."
M*A*S*H
"Sergeant, I would be very surprised ifyou never even had a wife,"
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t understand. Do you want a loan?"
M*A*S*H
"that you would give up?"
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t think this takes guts?"
M*A*S*H
"Father, if| give ‘em back,"
M*A*S*H
"— No, I don‘t think so. — Fine, fine."
M*A*S*H
"[Groans]"
M*A*S*H