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Clips from The Good Place - Michael's Gambit (S01E01)

"They're never gonna call a train to take us to the bad place."
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"The can't, because we're already here."
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"This is the bad place."
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"Oh, man!"
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"I can't believe you figured it out."
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"Oh, god!"
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"Y-you ruined everything, you know that?"
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"Eleanor, you really suck!"
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"I was so close"
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"to pulling it off!"
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"- Sorry. So she's right?"
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"- Yeah, she figured it out."
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"- No, this doesn't make any sense."
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"This is paradise."
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"- Oh, it looks like paradise,"
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"full of our worst anxieties."
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"I'm surrounded by people who are literally better than me."
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"Just me being here forced chidi into an ethical "clusterfork.""
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"Tahani tortured Jason"
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"by constantly trying to get him to talk,"
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"Jason tortured my because I was sure he would blow our cover,"
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"because he was responsible for me,"
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"which made chidi seem like the perfect soul mate,"
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"and that tortured tahani because he didn't love her."
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"- Please, don't ask me that right now."
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"- See?"
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"We've been torturing each other"
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"since the moment we arrived,"
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"has made at least one of us miserable."
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"He played us like a fiddle."
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"- Oh, dip!"
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"that we were in a prank show."
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"- Oh, yeah."
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"You did! Great job, man."
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"- Chidi, don't go!"
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"I don't care if you don't love me; I love you."
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"It's the only thing that makes any sense to me"
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"in this crazy world, and I think we should stay--"
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"- no, stop, Vicky. They figured it out."
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"- They-- - they know this is"
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"the bad place."
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"Eleanor figured it out."
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"Man!"
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"This was supposed to be my big moment."
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"I just rehearsed that speech for, like, three hours."
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"Damn it, Eleanor, you are the worst,"
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"and you can all suck it."
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"when you predicted you could do this for 1,000 years?"
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"- The time has come to innovate."
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"The human afterlife can be more fun."
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"For us, obviously, not for the people we're torturing."
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"Who cares about those dummies?"
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"I present to you the perfect recipe"
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"for my proposed experiment."
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"Four people, perfectly suited to make each other miserable."
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"I am going to design an afterlife"
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"where they torture each other."
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"Humans are very reticent to torture each other."
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"Even getting them to do simple things"
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"I can't think of the right analogy."
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"What makes you think that you can get them to do this?"
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"- Because they won't even know that they are doing it."
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"I'm going to make them think that they are in the good place,"
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"I will be there, posing as a good place architect."
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"- I even stole a good place Janet we can use."
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"Look,"
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"we can just send them all to the hot spike pits"
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"with the lava and the bees"
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"and the lightning that tears off their flesh."
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"Let's try something new."
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"I cannot predict everything that's gonna happen,"
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"but we'll improvise."
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"We'll be on our toes."
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"I think that we can get them to torture each other..."
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"For 1,000 years."
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"- I think you'd be lucky to get six months"
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"- Oh. Yes, all right, so--"
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"This is a 14 million-point plan."
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"- Um-- oh, sorry."
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"- No, Todd, we have it until 3:00."
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"- except for you four,"
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"everyone in this neighborhood is one of us."
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"After I came up with everyone's characters,"
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"we'd just create fun scenarios designed to torture you."
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"- How can I be over it? We haven't discussed it"
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"or even spoken for days."
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"Get your story straight."
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"They're at each other's throats already."
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"This should put them over the top."
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"Ed, you play Bart, a former private eye."
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"- Ooh. - Tracy, you're his soul mate,"
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"- That's perfect, perfect!"
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"Shh, shh, shh."
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"Hey, guys? It's Michael!"
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"Then it all started to go off the rails."
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"You had no idea I was gonna do that,"
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"- Yeah, that came out of nowhere."
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"I mean, after that it was just a crazy scramble for all of us."
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"You know, I definitely underestimated"
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"how effective chidi was gonna be,"
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"teaching you to be good,"
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"and obviously, we didn't anticipate"
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"that Janet would fall in love with Jason."
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"- Hang on. That part is real."
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"- Oh, yeah. Janet isn't one of us."
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"No, she's sort of a... Foundational mainframe"
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"for all of the neighborhoods, good and bad."
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"And apparently, this Janet is in love with Jason."
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"I mean-- What a world, huh?"
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"I know why Jason and I were sent here, but why tahani?"
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"- Oh, yeah. Didn't you raise,"
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"like, $1,000 for charity, or whatever?"
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"- Uh, $60 billion, actually, so."
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"Oh."
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"Because my motivations were corrupt."
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"the people i raised the money for."
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"I just wanted to prove my parents wrong,"
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"stick it to my sister,"
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"get fame and attention."
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"My only real goal"
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