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Clips from The Good Place - Michael's Gambit (S01E01)

"was to snog Ryan gosling at the met ball."
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"Which I did."
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"Couple of times, actually."
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"- But wait, why is chidi here?"
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"- Well, uh..."
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"There's something you don't know about me."
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"I read an article saying that growing almonds"
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"was bad for the environment, and yet I continued to use"
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"almond milk in my coffee-- - no, dingus!"
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"You hurt everyone in your life"
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"with your rigidity and your indecisiveness."
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"- Oh, fork!"
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"Every friend, every girlfriend was driven nuts"
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"because I couldn't do anything."
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"I missed my mom's back surgery"
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"because I had already promised my landlord's nephew"
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"that I would help him figure out his new phone."
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"I made everyone miserable."
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"- I mean, all this hard work, all the planning,"
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"all for nothing."
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"This really sucks."
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"This is wonderful."
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"You saw us all on earth--"
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"a selfish ass, an idiot dj, a tortured academic,"
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"a hot, rich fraud with legs for days--"
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"side note, I might legit be into tahani."
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"But that's for another time."
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"You thought we would torture each other,"
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"and we did for a little,"
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"but we also took care of each other."
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"We improved each other,"
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"So, the only thing you succeeded in doing"
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"was bringing us all together."
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"My big mistake was bringing you all together,"
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"you know, make a few changes and start over again."
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"Hopefully. Just gotta get the boss man to sign off."
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"- Guys, we need a plan. Quick."
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"Tahani, anything?"
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"- Jason? - What? What's up?"
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"- What do you say? Take two, huh?"
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"- I don't know."
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"- Look, for a first attempt it was actually very promising."
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"But you're way out on a limb here, Mike."
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"If this thing goes sideways again, you are done."
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"- Guys, he is going to erase our memories at any second"
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"and all of this will have been for nothing."
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"Ugh! You're useless!"
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"Ooh! Come on, brain."
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"Janet?"
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"- Correct. - Open up."
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"- You know what, bro? Do your worst."
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"We figured it out once, we can do it again,"
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"because you know what, Michael?"
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"- Eleanor, come on in."
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"You, Eleanor shellstrop, are dead."
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"- Cool."
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"- You know the way you feel when you see"
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"That's how you're going to feel every day."
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"- Eleanor? I'm Chris Baker."
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"I'm your soul mate."
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"- Cool. Bring it in, man."
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"So where are you from, Chris?"
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"- I'm from teaneck, New Jersey,"
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"and I was a mailman."
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"- Really?"
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"Chris, you'll stand by me no matter what, right?"
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"- Hold that thought. Is it okay if I go work out?"
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"it's...Who I am."
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"- Once I'm back, we'll get to know each other."
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"- Great."
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"See ya soon."
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"Who are you? - I'm Janet."
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"I think this is yours."
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"After I was rebooted, i found it in my mouth."
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"- What?"
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"Why can't I say "fork"?"
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"Easy there, rookie."
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"Great."
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"- That was really a fun time."
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"because honestly, I had no idea I was gonna do that."
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"- Wait, I don't get something."
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"Yeah, I'm gonna erase your memories,"
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"- So, everyone else in this neighborhood--"
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