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Clips from The Golden Girls - The Custody Battle (S01E01)

"Invited everyone you knew"
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"You would see the biggest gift would be from me"
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"- What is it? - A phone number."
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"Fine. Be more comfortable."
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"This reminds me of when Daddy used to take us for hamburgers on Saturday night."
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"Even though my marriage was happy and yours hit the rocks?"
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"No, she really should've taken the nose job instead of the Mustang for graduation."
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"I know."
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"- You're kidding. - Sophia can't leave!"
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"I guess she thinks she'll be happier with Gloria."
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"I mean, all these years you've been her favorite. All I wanted was this time with her."
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"Dorothy, even with all my money, you have so much more than I do."
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"Thank you for being a friend"
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"Traveled down the road and back again"
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"Your heart is true"
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"You're a pal and a confidante"
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"And if you threw a party"
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"And the card attached would say"
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""Thank you for being a friend""
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"- Ma, will you knock it off? - What?"
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""What?" We've been washing glasses for ten minutes. We've finished three."
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"What's the rush? It's not like you have a date tonight."
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"- Ma. - It's not like you have a date any night."
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"Or any day."
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"When I find somebody worth going out with, I'll go out with him."
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"- Now, will you please stop nagging me? - Nagging?"
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"Is that what it's called when a mother wants a little happiness for her daughter?"
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"I'd like to finish these glasses before Gloria gets here."
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"- Your sister's not coming till tomorrow. - I know."
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"Could I borrow your diamond ring and your pearl necklace and your jade bracelet?"
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"Are you planning to come back?"
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"- Some time tomorrow morning. - Where are you going?"
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"Out to dinner with Jason, the director of our community theater."
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"He's considering me for the role of Lady Macbeth"
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"in Mr. William Shakespeare's masterpiece Macbeth."
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"I feel sure after our date, he'll make a decision in my favor."
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"Come on now, Blanche, you're not just using this guy to get a part in a play."
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"Blanche, Blanche, does he have a friend for Dorothy?"
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"- Oh. - We know this is last minute."
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"So we'll take short, bald, fat."
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"I'm sorry, Sophia, but I've already palmed Rose off on his fat friend."
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"He's a lighting director."
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"Blanche, I've never been out with a fat lighting director. What'll we talk about?"
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"How should I know, honey? Talk about light bulbs."
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"That's a good idea."
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"Maybe he could explain to me how the three-way bulb works."
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"I've always wondered about the same thing, Rose."
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"That, and what Jane Pauley looks like standing up."
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"Maybe she can't stand up. Maybe Willard has to carry her around the set."
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"Come on, honey. We don't want to keep our dates waiting."
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"Wait, Blanche, honey, aren't you forgetting something?"
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"Oh, no, I never wear underwear."
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"- I mean my jewelry. - Oh, forget it. Why paint the peacock?"
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"Your sister never sits home on a Friday night and she's a widow!"
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"Every time I talk to her, she's going out with another guy."
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"- Ma, she calls you three times a year! - She's very busy."
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"I'm thrilled she found the time for a visit."
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"Ma, why do you always make excuses for her?"
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"I don't make excuses for any of my children. Except Phil."
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"Ma, I think I'll watch TV in my room."
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"Before you go, before you go, call this number."
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"I met him at the supermarket. He asked me to squeeze a melon for him."
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"He's missing a few fingers, but everything else seemed to be intact."
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"- Ma, how dare you? - How dare I what? I was trying to help!"
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"Ma, can you get it through your head that I do not need your help?"
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"Now please, Ma, get off my back!"
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"Who do you think you're talking to?"
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"Don't you raise your voice to your mother!"
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"Then stop smothering me and give me some space!"
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"Space? Fine! Have all the space you want!"
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"- Where are you going? - To Mildred's!"
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"She's shorter than you. She doesn't need so much space!"
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"I can't understand why the community theater"
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"chose Macbeth for its spring production."
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"Jason said that they were planning to do a musical but the accordion player died."
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"Besides, it's a much bigger challenge playing Lady Macbeth!"
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"But Blanche, you don't have the part yet. You still have to audition."
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"Oh, honey, I did. Last night."
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"I opened to great reviews."
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"- Morning, everyone. - Clear out, girls, Dorothy needs her space."
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"Ma, don't start with me."
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"Now come on, you two, let's put on our happy faces."
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"It's a beautiful day and Gloria's coming! Why don't you just kiss and make up?"
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"Why don't you just blow it out your ditty bag."
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"- (doorbell - I'll get it."
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"- I'll get it! - Ma, I said I'd get it."
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"- I don't want you to get it! - Let's not argue. You get it."
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"What am I, your servant?"
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"- Hi, Ma! - Gloria!"
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"So good to see you! Dorothy, it's wonderful to see you!"
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"- Honey. - What is this?"
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"You gift-wrapped your luggage?"
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"- You're staying at a hotel? - I didn't want to inconvenience anyone."
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"What inconvenience? You're my daughter. We shared a body for nine months."
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"Really, Ma, I'd be more comfortable at a hotel."
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"I hardly see you. You never come to visit."
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"You finally get here, you're staying at a hotel. You could have just called."
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"- Ma, do you want me to stay at the house? - Do what you want."
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"Why don't you stay here? You can share my room."
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"- It's certainly easier than arguing with her. - Right."
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"I'd like you to meet my two dearest friends. This is Rose."
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"- Hello. - This is Blanche."
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"- Hello. - My sister, Gloria."
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"- Welcome to Miami. - Oh, well, thank you."
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"Oh, Gloria, Sophia's told us so much about you."
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"I especially enjoyed the story about your imaginary childhood friend, David,"
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"who lived in the oven."
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"I had an imaginary friend, but he'd never tell me his name."
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"- It was during spring planting... - Rose! Do you mind?"
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"Gloria's only staying for a week. I'd like to talk to her before she leaves."
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"Come on, honey. Let's get to that audition."
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"- Gloria, consider this your home. - Thank you. Nice meeting you both."
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"- I'll tell you about it later. - Let's go in the kitchen."
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"- I'll fix us some coffee. - No, no, wait, wait. First, open these."
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"Now, there is a new outfit for you and some warm pajamas"
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"and an electric blanket. Every time I call you, it seems you have a cold!"
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"- Call more often! - Don't pick on your sister."
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"Here, she brought you something."
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"Maybe now you can get a date."
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"Please, Ma. I'm not calling Captain Hook."
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