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Clips from Archer - Swiss Miss (S02E02)

"- Shame on you. Fie and shame. - I didn't..."
Archer
"Now, raus, you mouse. Get ready for our ski lesson."
Archer
"- She's giving you a ski lesson? - No, I'm giving her one."
Archer
"Oh, yeah, right. I forgot you won the Olympic gold medal in men's downhill."
Archer
"- So... - So."
Archer
"...you lost. - I came in third."
Archer
"- Which is third... - Last."
Archer
"Jesus, get over it."
Archer
"It actually was a huge disappointment."
Archer
"I trained so hard and so long."
Archer
"Months of preparation ruined. How could you be so stupid?"
Archer
"Carlito, he obviously did not mean to get set on fire."
Archer
"We should've gone with my plan, which was superior in every way."
Archer
"So, then, now we do your plan."
Archer
"[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]"
Archer
"All these idiots think about is sex."
Archer
"- It's called nymphomania. - Ugh."
Archer
"Maybe mixed with borderline personality disorder?"
Archer
"I don't know, I'm not a developmental psychologist."
Archer
"- Archer, I'm serious. - I'm serious."
Archer
"- That girl's a nightmare. - No."
Archer
"A nightmare is sharing a room with your mother, who expects me..."
Archer
"...who's got a jillion guests coming to her birthday party tomorrow."
Archer
"Yeah. Think they're gonna have a band or just a DJ?"
Archer
"- Why don't you go find out? - No, I can't be alone."
Archer
"That's when she strikes, like a slutty little ninja."
Archer
"Ooh, is that Schlotz and Pam?"
Archer
"LANA: And are they drinking anti-freeze? - Let's hope."
Archer
"Ugh. Change it before I puke my..."
Archer
"Holy shit. Lana, look. That's the kidnapper I set on fire."
Archer
"- You swear? - Lana, l..."
Archer
"Just like you swore about a 90-pound schoolgirl raping you?"
Archer
"Attempted rape, Lana, and that guy was running around like Johnny Storm."
Archer
"A.k.a. The Human Torch, Lana? Duh."
Archer
"And if you don't believe me, fine."
Archer
"LANA: Hey. - I'll take care of it myself. Ow!"
Archer
"Oh, great, yeah. Go terrorize the bellhop."
Archer
"Good thing that clip was empty. Oh, shit."
Archer
"God, I hate it when he's right."
Archer
"Now he gets to be the big hero who... Has no bullets."
Archer
"Going against an unknown number of radical terrorists..."
Archer
"So that's gonna..."
Archer
"Mah! Damn it."
Archer
"MALORY: Herr Schlotz."
Archer
"Herr Schlotz, are you in there?"
Archer
"Mein God, woman. Can't you not read?"
Archer
"Not without my glasses. I was hoping you could read this to me..."
Archer
"...in your suite, over a drink?"
Archer
"Yeah, come on in."
Archer
"Just making a fresh batch of Green Russians."
Archer
"[MALORY SIGHS]"
Archer
"Oh, ow, ow, ow."
Archer
"First thing when I get back, buying an electric razor."
Archer
"ANKA: That's no fun. - Oh, for ****'s sake."
Archer
"Then you don't get to squirt that hot white cream all over your face."
Archer
"Why aren't you with Gillette?"
Archer
"As the ski lift was coming, at the last minute, I jumped out of the way."
Archer
"Dukes, I am gonna be in huge trouble."
Archer
"Right after I freeze to death. Double dukes."
Archer
"Oh, great, they cut the power."
Archer
"How romantic."
Archer
"Yeah, it is."
Archer
"No, not romantic. Dangerous. Because it's gonna be dark soon so..."
Archer
"So before it's too dark, let me ask your opinion on something."
Archer
"What, you... Re-zip, re-zip, re-zip!"
Archer
"Honestly?"
Archer
"I'm kidding. Anka, come on. You're gonna be a beautiful woman."
Archer
"- Really? - Yes, really."
Archer
"And literally, the minute you turn 18, please call me, but..."
Archer
"CARLOS: Save your minutes."
Archer
"[GUN CLICKING EMPTY]"
Archer
"Oh, no."
Archer
"[ANKA SCREAMING]"
Archer
"Archer, you must save me."
Archer
"Well, obviously, we're gonna take that."
Archer
"Well, it's a little early to say."
Archer
"[ANKA GASPS]"
Archer
"But I really kind of doubt it."
Archer
"Hang on."
Archer
"What the hell's all that, you reckon?"
Archer
"- We should go to the gendarmes. - Yeah, if you weren't topless."
Archer
"Oh, and hadn't accused me of molesting you."
Archer
"Are you going to throw that in my face the rest of my life?"
Archer
"Yeah, all four minutes of it."
Archer
"[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]"
Archer
"The girl is worth millions. Be careful where you're shooting."
Archer
"Ooh! Pink Floyd show."
Archer
"[MACHINE GUNS FIRING]"
Archer
"Oh. Man, I'm gonna be in trouble."
Archer
"Triple dukes."
Archer
"- Where are we going? - The forest."
Archer
"They'll have to split up, then we can take them out one or two at a time."
Archer
"You would fight them? Are you insane?"
Archer
"No, just incredibly pissed off."
Archer
"Okay, I need you to do exactly what I tell you when I tell you without..."
Archer
"- Can I finish? - Fine."
Archer
"- Questions. - About what?"
Archer
"What? No, that was me finishing."
Archer
"[ANKA SCREAMS]"
Archer
"[ANKA SCREAMS]"
Archer
"I swear, Anka, if I have to pull this snowmobile over..."
Archer
"I'm sorry. I'm not used to such awful things."
Archer
"- Yeah, I bet. - Meaning what?"
Archer
"You want lies? Wait until I tell everyone you seduced me."
Archer
"Okay, that's it."
Archer
"Wait. Why are you slowing down?"
Archer
"- Take it back. - Go, go, go."
Archer
"God."
Archer
"[ARCHER GROANS]"
Archer
"- Mein God. - I know, right?"
Archer
"Totally McQueen."
Archer
"Probably won't fall for it again, though. Man, I need a gun."
Archer
"You think you can drive this thing...?"
Archer
"[ARCHER & ANKA SCREAM]"
Archer
"ANKA: Probably better than you. - Yeah?"
Archer
"Did you come in first the same weekend I attended..."
Archer
"...the Lars Larsen Snowmobiling Experience?"
Archer
"- Out of how many, two? - Will you just shut up and drive?"
Archer
"- How do I do it? - Right hand, take the throttle."
Archer
"- No, you gotta twist it. - I am twisting it."
Archer
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