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Clips from Archer - Swiss Miss (S02E02)

"No, you got... Hang on a second."
Archer
"- You gotta go faster, Anka. - Faster? I'm freezing to death already."
Archer
"Should've thought of that before you took your clothes off. Seriously, would you go?"
Archer
"Grip it hard as you can and twist the absolute shit out of it."
Archer
"Oh, I get it, just like men love it on their Wilhelm."
Archer
"You've never even seen a Wilhelm."
Archer
"You are such a liar."
Archer
"I bet you've never even gotten to second base."
Archer
"- So what? ARCHER: What do you mean "so what"?"
Archer
"Riding camp, skiing camp."
Archer
"And it's so hard to make friends."
Archer
"Because you're insecure, so you overcompensate and come across as..."
Archer
"As some kind of snob or..."
Archer
"- Arrogant. I get it, Anka. - Ja, exactly."
Archer
"Okay, I think that's all of them..."
Archer
"...which is good because I'm out of ammo."
Archer
"And we're out of gas. Fantastic."
Archer
"Guess we'll have to hike back."
Archer
"Oh, my God, you must be freezing."
Archer
"Hey, Anka, relax. You're gonna be okay. We'll get you back to the hotel and..."
Archer
"All the wind from the driving, Archer. My hands are really burning."
Archer
"It's like my breasts are on fire."
Archer
"- Maybe just put your hands on them. - Oh, my hands are like ice."
Archer
"- But yours... - Nope."
Archer
"We can make it back in, like, half-hour, tops."
Archer
"- I can't wait that long. Please... - Nope."
Archer
"With such big, mitten-y gloves, it won't even count."
Archer
"- Nope. - But I could get nerve damage."
Archer
"That's actually a possibility."
Archer
"- Please, Archer, just for one minute. - Um..."
Archer
"- Literally one minute, all right? - Please."
Archer
"And only because this is a medical emergency."
Archer
"[SIGHS]"
Archer
"- That feels nice. - It doesn't. Don't enjoy this."
Archer
"LANA: Oh, yeah? - What...?"
Archer
"Getting a little local swelling?"
Archer
"[ANKA GIGGLES]"
Archer
"Hooray."
Archer
"I can't believe I let this happen."
Archer
"[SCHLOTZ SNORING]"
Archer
"Yeah, they pack a wallop."
Archer
"And if you ever breathe a word of this, I will gut you like a carp."
Archer
"Hey, what happens in Gstaad..."
Archer
"...stays in Gstaad. - Ugh."
Archer
"Now, who's ready for a shower?"
Archer
"This gal."
Archer
"- Oh, for the... That's a farrier. - I know."
Archer
"Jumpy, eh?"
Archer
"No, I know. I'm not..."
Archer
"Not to come near her again."
Archer
"[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]"
Archer
"You're shitting me. What was your breed?"
Archer
"[SIGHS]"
Archer
"Good idea, mi amor."
Archer
"I mean, I'm sure I've been in worse situations."
Archer
"[ANKA SCREAMS]"
Archer
"You gotta twist it, like this."
Archer
"ANKA: I'm doing it like you said."
Archer
"- Why do you behave like...? - No one cares how I behave."
Archer
"Yeah, so you misbehave because you want a little attention."
Archer
"Too bad you don't have big, mitten-y gloves. I can't feel a thing in these."
Archer
"- What's wrong? - Nothing."
Archer
"[English - US - SDH]"
Archer
"Yeah, and then I bet you get sent off to camp all summer."
Archer
"And I want to convince him to invest in ISIS."
Archer
"But right now, I'm kind of drawing a blank."
Archer
"CYRIL: Jeez. - And let's just put a lid on it."
Archer
"LANA: That guy? Who's never been on fire? - He was, though. Lana, I swear."
Archer
"Enough. Now, then, this is a two-prong operation."
Archer
"I don't do that."
Archer
"Sterling Malory Archer, you will not touch a single hair on that girl."
Archer
"- Oh, mein God. - Now shut up and hang on."
Archer
"And that is just it for today on people calling me a freaking pig."
Archer
"Yeah, and your horse, with his fancy new shoes."
Archer
"CARLOS: That stinks. - So don't smell it."
Archer
"Come on."
Archer
"ARCHER: First the towels, now this. LANA: Come on."
Archer
"Now I must call headquarters for reinforcements."
Archer
"It's just, um, my stitches."
Archer