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Clips from Fresh Off the Boat - How to Be an American (S03E03)

"Oh, we're not going to school today."
Fresh Off the Boat
"Why do you test me like this?"
Fresh Off the Boat
"Three words. Teacher training day."
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"Well, it's important that they train."
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"Oh, let's see."
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"When's another time they could possibly train?"
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"Oh, maybe during the entire summer that they get off."
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"Okay, okay, we're gonna be late for your appointment."
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"Let's go. Ma, we're gonna be gone all day."
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"_"
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"_"
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"and back away."
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"What is this?"
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"We're getting a jump on what we think next week's homework will be."
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"How often do we get a day off of school"
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"Never."
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"Eddie's right."
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"I can't eat cheese,"
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"but I'll pretend to smoke it like a cigar."
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"First of all, I finished all the string cheese."
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"Second, you need to think bigger."
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"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity."
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"We're gonna take Mom and Dad's mini van for a ride."
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"Are you crazy?"
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"You know Grandma's home."
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"She's neck deep in perfume."
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"She'll be in her room all day."
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"You've seen me play Mario Kart."
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"Scoreboard don't lie, son."
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"He does always banana my red shells."
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"Come on. Brothers road trip?"
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"I guess I will build some memories, like the Hardy Boys."
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"And we can go to Hardee's."
Fresh Off the Boat
"I'll grab my motion-sickness pills."
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"Mrs. Huang, Mr. Huang."
Fresh Off the Boat
"This is a government building. You understand."
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"Oh, right. Of course I understand."
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"All right, let's get this going."
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"I already submitted the forms"
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"and pre-paid the processing fee a week ago."
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"I only have 45 minutes and I will not go over."
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"Well, that should be plenty of time."
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"Yes, love to. First question."
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"was on a Student Visa."
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"Correct. Business major, Maryland College."
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"I would've thought it would've been teaching."
Fresh Off the Boat
"Is that from "Clueless"?"
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"Did you know that is a playful reimagining"
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"of Jane Austen's "Emma"?"
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"Whatever."
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"I'm just laughing because Jessica hates teachers."
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"It says here her first job in this country was teaching."
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"Oh, is that all the questions?"
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"Great, let's just wrap this up with the pledge of allegiance."
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"as my lawfully wedded... country."
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"You were a teacher?"
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"You told me your first job was selling sandwiches at Orioles games."
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"Hey, if you believed that, then that's on you."
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"For as long as I've known you, you've hated teachers."
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"Louis, you have to understand, I was young, desperate."
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"I didn't know what I was getting myself into."
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"What happened?"
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"My Student Visa was about to expire"
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"and I had to find a way to stay in this country,"
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"told me about a Specialty Occupation Visa."
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"Means if you're in a profession that the U.S. has a shortage of,"
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"- you can stay in the country. - I know that, Doug."
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"And it just so happens that one of those professions..."
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"is teacher."
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"and Honey was giving me a tour of the teacher's lounge."
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"I saw Mitch, Marvin, and Deidre at the bar cart."
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"I just want to make it clear"
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"that those are the names of our current friends and neighbors,"
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"Basically all white people look the same to her."
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"People mix up me and my brother all the time."
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"So, anyway, Honey was showing me how to whip up a Sanka."
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"Astronauts call it brown Tang."
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"Aren't you gonna be late for your classes?"
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"No, we have a 20-minute grace period."
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"40 if it's sunny out."
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"Yeah, let's be honest."
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"These kids don't want to learn and we don't want to teach."
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"We just want to make it to 3:00 p.m."
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"What happens at 3:00 p.m.?"
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"That's when we turn on some Jimmy Buffet"
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"and get straight-up blasted!"
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"It was at that moment I realized"
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"that I could never be part of such a corrupt profession."
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"It says here you were fired for spanking a child."
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"Well, if you knew that, why did you let me keep talking?"
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"You spanked a child?"
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"Spanking is a strong word."
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"It was a gentle tap over the pants."
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"I thought I knew everything about you."
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"I did what I had to do to survive."
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"Teach advanced calculus."
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"Says here you taught drama."
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"Damn you, Doug!"
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"I got Hot 104 locked on all five presets"
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"in case one loses reception."
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"Look, a nap zone."
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"Emery, I know we've had our differences over the years,"
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"but sometimes you really feel me, dawg."
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"It says here that AAA members get 5% off at Wet 'n Wild!"
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"Oh, what?!"
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"You know I'm about that Lazy River life!"
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"Okay, so we'll start at the mall, pick up Alison,"
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"and then loop back to the dry cleaners,"
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"helping Mom,"
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"we'll just fire up the hibachi."
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"Then we'll end the day at Wet 'n Wild"
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"with a hard chill in the Surf Lagoon."
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"Let's go!"
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"Wait!"
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"We need our bathing suits for Wet 'n Wild."
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"My swimmies!"
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"Oh, no! No! No! No! No! No! No!"
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"Guys, it's fine."
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"I took the parking brake off"
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"and it must've rolled into the street."
Fresh Off the Boat
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