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Clips from Seinfeld - The Pilot (S04E04)

"See, I'm gonna do the character like me, not like you."
Seinfeld
"What can I do for you? Would you like table?"
Seinfeld
"These are my references."
Seinfeld
"He's this guy who made these..."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, go on."
Seinfeld
"I don't have much experience with acting..."
Seinfeld
"I'll be back in a second."
Seinfeld
"- Remember when you auditioned? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"And I don't wanna hear any more of your stupid notes and suggestions."
Seinfeld
"Back!"
Seinfeld
"Back!"
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean? - I can't act."
Seinfeld
"This actress playing Elaine, she's crazy."
Seinfeld
"It's me."
Seinfeld
"Where's Russell?"
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"I- I was just curious because..."
Seinfeld
"How would you like it if I just..."
Seinfeld
"Good evening, folks. How you doing?"
Seinfeld
"Isn't he that Seinfeld fella you went out with?"
Seinfeld
"What a sellout."
Seinfeld
"Give me that remote. Give me that."
Seinfeld
"When he's finished, send him over to my house."
Seinfeld
"- We had a date last week. - You had a date?"
Seinfeld
"And God didn't kill me."
Seinfeld
"As you may or may not know..."
Seinfeld
"- It was you. - What-? What did I do?"
Seinfeld
"You're very charming!"
Seinfeld
"You know..."
Seinfeld
"I talked to these guys at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission."
Seinfeld
"Sophia, take care of these fellows."
Seinfeld
"You know what you ought to do?"
Seinfeld
"...you have to do to get male attention."
Seinfeld
"It's even worse if you're a man."
Seinfeld
"That's why we're building bridges, climbing mountains..."
Seinfeld
"Now, this means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral..."
Seinfeld
"In fact, he was in the restaurant the day that we met."
Seinfeld
"You see, it's right here. It's- It's a little white."
Seinfeld
"Elaine."
Seinfeld
"They make it in New Jersey. It's just a Danish-sounding name."
Seinfeld
"And we hope it becomes a series. It's called Jerry. I'm playing Jerry-"
Seinfeld
"- Congratulations. - Well, thank you."
Seinfeld
"I'm not going to the doctor."
Seinfeld
"Okay, guys, are we ready to start?"
Seinfeld
"- Why do I keep setting you up? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"...Elaine."
Seinfeld
"Hey, that's that idiot that took all my records."
Seinfeld
"To me, the whole concept of fear of success..."
Seinfeld
"Okay, great. Thanks a lot."
Seinfeld
"Every waitress working here has the same proportions, wouldn't you say?"
Seinfeld
"You're in big trouble, mister! And I mean trouble with a capital T!"
Seinfeld
"That's why I'm worried."
Seinfeld
"This is Melissa Shannon."
Seinfeld
"Now, sex, I like the bottom."
Seinfeld
"John Wilkes Booth yelled it when he shot Lincoln."
Seinfeld
"- Yes. - And she's really your ex-girlfriend."
Seinfeld
"Now, get out!"
Seinfeld
"She works for Pendant Publishing."
Seinfeld
"...is proof that we are definitely scraping the bottom of the fear barrel."
Seinfeld
"I can't relax. I don't- I don't know any of them."
Seinfeld
"Hey, what is this?"
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"- It stinks. - All right, let me see you do it."
Seinfeld
"I've never seen this before."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah, real good."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, that was two months ago."
Seinfeld
"Is it something I said?"
Seinfeld
"Russell, see, I'm really not interested in this..."
Seinfeld
"Hold on a second, I got another call."
Seinfeld
"- Who is it? - That's NBC."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, he'll call you back."
Seinfeld
"You know, these squeegee-"
Seinfeld
"Something's wrong with my foot. A little gangrene."
Seinfeld
"A man gave me a massage."
Seinfeld
"Oh, great."
Seinfeld
"Let's see some more Kramers."
Seinfeld
"- Who is it? - She's an Eskimo, actually."
Seinfeld
"Could we get a little more?"
Seinfeld
"Now, I like to play golf."
Seinfeld
"So if you got any other problems, whether it's raisins, prunes..."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, Mr. Dalrymple..."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, yeah. - Did he take them?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey, are you gonna go? - No, no, I- I'm gonna stay home. I..."
Seinfeld
"The bran isn't working for me."
Seinfeld
"You know, you haven't changed a bit."
Seinfeld
"We have a show we're gonna put on for you tonight."
Seinfeld
"That Jerry's a funny guy, huh?"
Seinfeld
"...Russell Dalrymple is no longer with this network."
Seinfeld
"Number two is death."
Seinfeld
"...you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."
Seinfeld
"Why do we need two people that can't act?"
Seinfeld
"Or did?"
Seinfeld
"Maybe if you were in Greenpeace or something, that would be different..."
Seinfeld
"What do you mean, it's about nothing?"
Seinfeld
"Okay, let's read this."
Seinfeld
"Well, he-"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I liked him."
Seinfeld
"I think if you go down the hall, it's on the right at the very end."
Seinfeld
"No. No, you're not."
Seinfeld
"Go home. What are you, crazy?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, the sisters."
Seinfeld
"I never had so much coffee in my life."
Seinfeld
"All right. I'll see you there."
Seinfeld
"I think you got it."
Seinfeld
"...with just a fork."
Seinfeld
"...and I can slurp it up to my mouth like this. Look."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"I wish that was our real problem."
Seinfeld
"It's Seinfeld."
Seinfeld
"And then you left..."
Seinfeld
"...it's all taken care of. I filed a report. An investigation is under way."
Seinfeld
"What's my first line? Just tell me my first line."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, whatever."
Seinfeld
"So where do you want me to start today?"
Seinfeld
"I can't believe this."
Seinfeld
"Casting tomorrow at NBC, 4:00. We're in business. The pilot's on!"
Seinfeld